Top 10 evening Jokes

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

A man come home from work one day...

... and asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"

The wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one chug.

He asks his wife again "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"

Again, the wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one go.

Once more he asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"

At that point the wife says "Are you sure you want another beer? Isn't two enough for the evening?"

The man replies: "aaaand it started."

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!

"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

My wife treats me like a God

Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"

"Do you not have a headache?"

"No" she responded.

"Not feeling unwell at all?"

"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".

"That's great, we can have sex this evening then".

Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.

He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

A racist, a liar and a misogynist walks into a bar

The bartender greeted Good evening, Mr. President!

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."

"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.

"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.

The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.

The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.

The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."

Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.

A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.

Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

Joko Jokes