Eve Jokes

Following is our collection of Eve funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Eve jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.


"I think it's raining," says the man.



"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.


"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"


"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.


The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.

The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.

The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn't want any advice on how to do it

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

Adam & Eve

The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

The average person has sex 90 times a year.

Man this going to be an epic new years eve!

Since Eve was created from Adam's ribs...

That technically makes her Adam's side chick.

What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

Eve gets an apple

Eve: I got an Apple.

Adam: ...

Eve: ...

Adam: ...

Eve: What?

Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.

Eve: The serpent said this was better.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

In Soviet Russia...

A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both naked, had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"


So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."


The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."


The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"


His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

The man says, "I think it's raining."

His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"

Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.

"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

how do you know that adam and eve were white

have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man

What did God say when he saw Eve walking out of the sea competely naked?

Jeez, I'll never get that smell out of my fish.

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"

(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American

were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'

'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'

'I think they were Russian,' says the American.

'After all, who else could walk around stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'

Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East?

Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Adam asked God.....

"God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So that you would like her."

"But why you make her so dumb too?"

"So that she would like you too."

Three nuns die in a car crash, when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in

So the angel asks the first nun

Who was the first man?

And the nun replies, Adam

The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun

Who was the first woman?

The second nun answers Eve

Correct, in you go replies the angel

Then turning to the third nun the angel asks

I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?

The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one

Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."


The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The Paddy replied, "These are Carols".

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.

The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.

Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.

The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .

Three nuns die and go to Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.

"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.

"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.

"Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun.

"The Garden of Eden." The gates swing open once more.

"Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" St. Peter says to the third nun.

"Oh, that's a hard one..."

The gates swing open.

Adam and Eve

When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.

Adam - I'm lonely.

God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing sex, will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch football?

Adam - That sounds awesome! What will it cost me?

God - An arm and a leg!

Adam - What can I get for a rib?

What time of day was Adam born?

Just a little before Eve

Christmas Joke... Three men died....

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'

And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.

The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."

The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."

The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."

I guarantee you Adam & Eve were white.

You ever try and take a rib from a black man?

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.

The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are naked and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise

A little girl asks her father where people came from.

He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.

Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"

Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.

No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family

In the spirit of Christmas, I've decided to regift this joke.

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.

Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate you. You're also bald. I hope that you die soon. When I become president I will make sure to deport ugly and bald people like you."

The entire bar looks in shock. A news reporter, there at that time, says to a patron of the bar, who originated from the South, "What do you think of this?".

The patron replies "Absolutely f***ing disgusting - Bernie Sanders didn't say Merry Christmas!"

I invented a war game called "Adam and Eve".

It's a first person shooter.

Two college kids are laying next to each other after sex.

The guy turns around and says: I have great nickname for you: Eve, since you are my first. Do you mind?

The girls responds: As long as I can call you JumboJet

- Sure thing! Is that because of big I am down there?

- No, you are my 747th.

I was standing in line at the supermarket checkout last week.

I turned around and saw a beautiful young woman who looked a little familiar. I told her that I thought I knew her, to which she replied, "Well you should remember me. You`re the father of one of my kids."

I had to stop and think, and then it hit me. "New Years Eve - 2008. That rooftop party in San Diego! Wow! We got so high together, didn`t we? That was some night, huh? I guess I should have stayed in touch."

She looked at me a little puzzled and said, "What are you talking about? I am your son`s pre-school teacher."

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."

"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.

The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."

And so Christmas Season Begins

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

After a tragic fire in a Catholic school, three young ladies arrived in Heaven

They were met by St. Peter, who told them that all each
of them had to do to be admitted beyond the pearly gates was to answer a question about the Bible.

The first young woman faced St. Peter "What," he asked, "was the name of the first man?"
"Adam" she answered, and was admitted.

The second young woman approached St Peter. "What," he asked," was the name the first woman?"
"Eve," she said, and the gates swung wide for her.

The third young woman approached St. Peter. "What," he asked, "was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The young woman wrung her hands.
"Gee sir, that's hard."

St. Peter stepped aside and admitted her.

Three Nuns Die And Each Have To Answer A Question From God To Get Into Heaven...

God asks the first Nun, "Who were the first two people?"
She says, "Adam and Eve".
He says, "Okay, you're in."

God asks the second Nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"
She says, "The Garden of Eden".
He says, "Okay, you're in."

God asks the third Nun, "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
She says, "Hmm, that's a hard one."
He says, "Okay, you're in."

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she leapt up and shouted 'JESUS CHRIST!'
'Correct again Claire'
And the class continues until the teacher asks a third question
'What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?'
Again Todd poked Claire, and she yelled out
'I SWEAR IF YOU POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SNAP IT IN HALF!'

Two women died at the same time.

Both women had lived good christian lives. They both found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter said that they were shoe-ins to heaven, but they each had to answer one question in order to get in.

He asks the first woman "What was the name of the first woman?"

"That's easy, she says. Her name was Eve."

Trumpets sound and angels sing as the gates open and she enters the kingdom of heaven.

To the second woman St. Peter asks "What was the first thing Eve said when she first met Adam?"

She thought for a while... "Boy, that's a hard one..."

Trumpets sound and angels sing as the gates open and she enters the kingdom of heaven.

Three nuns arrive at the gates of Heaven...

St Peter is there to meet them and explains that before they can enter, they each need to answer a question.

He turns to the first nun and asks her "What was the name of the first woman on Earth?"

The first nun immediately answers "Eve!"

"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"

St Peter then turns to the second nun and asks her "Where did Eve live?"

The second nun immediately answers "Garden of Eden!"

"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"

Finally, St Peter turns to the third nun, who happens to be the Mother Superior.

"Now, since you're the Mother Superior," he says, "your question has to be a little more tricky. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"

"Ooh..." says the third nun, "That's a hard one..."

"Congratulations! You're in!"

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

I think it's raining. says the man.

No, it's snowing. replies the woman.

How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

New Years Eve

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English," the Englishman offered. "After all, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a lady."

"They surely were French," the Frenchman asserted. "They were so hopelessly in love."

"Only could be Latvian," declared the Latvian. "Who else could walk around naked, have only one apple to eat, and think they were in paradise?"

Some Christmas jokes!

**What is the best Christmas present in the world?**

A broken drum – you just can't beat it

**What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?**

It's Christmas, Eve!

**What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?**

Frostbite!

**Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?**

They always drop their needles!

**Did Rudolph go to school?**

No. He was Elf-taught!

**Who is Santa's favorite singer?**

Elf-is Presley!

**What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?**

He got 25 days!

**Why does Santa have three gardens?**

So he can 'ho ho ho'!

**What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?**

Twerky!

**Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?**

Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

Going thru the pearly gates on Christmas Eve

Pearly Gates on Christmas Eve

Three men died on Christmas Eve
and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said,
'You must each possess something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*

But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes," he said,
"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes