European Jokes

153 european jokes and hilarious european puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about european that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some funny European jokes? We've got you covered with this collection of hilariously funny jokes about Europe and Europeans!

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Funniest European Short Jokes

Short european jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The european humour may include short european countries jokes also.

  1. If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican We'll take the alien, you get the predators
  2. None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
  3. My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
  4. What do you call a person who's an expert in American culture and politics? A European Redditor.
  5. If you are Russian when you go to the bathroom and you are Finnish when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom? European
  6. 10% of European babies are conceived on an IKEA bed. So, be sure to follow the instructions.
    Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten.
  7. Fun Fact: The Mortal Kombat theme was actually inspired by an old European song of praise. It was a Finnish hymn.
  8. There's zero difference between US and European Healthcare.... ...well, lots of zeroes...usually added to the end of the bill.
  9. I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes... My personal spell Czech.
  10. A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork. They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.

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European One Liners

Which european one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with european? I can suggest the ones about european american and nationality.

  1. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
  2. Why are European cars the lightest? because there's no Americans sitting in them.
  3. I married a European chess master. He's my Czech mate.
  4. What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the European Union.
  5. No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date
  6. Made an Eastern European friend on a chess forum. He was my Czech mate.
  7. I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew. I call it the Goulashnikov.
  8. TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact
  9. I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and... ...a tad Pole.
  10. What are you if you aren't European? Eurapoopin.
    -my daughter
  11. What joke is the same in all european languages? USA
  12. Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece.
  13. If European in the bathroom, who's the guy on the floor? Himalayan
  14. What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom? "European."
  15. What did the American say to the German urinating in public? European illegally!

European American Jokes

Here is a list of funny european american jokes and even better european american puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you're an American in your bedroom... An American in your livingroom, an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

    \*Apologies to's just a punny joke.
  • If you're American going into the bathroom and American coming out of the bathroom... What are you in the bathroom? European
  • Europeans: What's a good American joke in your country? On the heels of the funny Italian joke ("Emma comes first …") what jokes do other countries tell about Americans?
  • If you're Canadian before you enter the bathroom, and American when you leave, what are you inside? European!
  • My dad once told me this one If you walk into the bathroom an American and come out of the bathroom an American, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
    European :^)
  • If you're Russian to the bathroom, but American when you come out, what are when you're inside the bathroom? European.
  • I don't care if a human is male or female, Black or white, European, American, or Asian, they all taste the same.
  • If you go to the bathroom American, and leave the bathroom American, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European
  • From my 10 yo son: If you're American before you go into the bathroom, and you're American after you leave the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? You're a Peein' (European)
  • You're American right before you enter a restroom but what are you once you're in there? European.

Eastern European Jokes

Here is a list of funny eastern european jokes and even better eastern european puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an Eastern European cashier? A Checkoutslovakian.
    (Better said than read)
  • I like my coffee like I like my women. Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.
  • After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
  • When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats... they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.
  • I used to work in an eastern european fraud office. I had to check czech cheques.
  • As an eastern European living in a western country, dealing with bureaucrats always brings me to tears Their rudeness and arrogance make reminds me of my homeland, it makes me so nostalgic.
  • What's it called when you beat your eastern European friend at strategy board games. Czech Mate
  • What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building? The Czech bounced.
  • What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate
  • My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.
European joke, My friend who works as a <a href="/beautician-jokes.html" title="Beautician jokes">beautician</a> wa

European Countries Jokes

Here is a list of funny european countries jokes and even better european countries puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So, I hope that when President Trump gets tired of us he'll leave us for some younger, more attractive, East European country. Hopefully in a year or so
  • Why did one european country eat the other? Because it was Hungary
  • Taking calculus has made me want to become Prime Minister of a European country Then I can just throw money at problems instead of trying to integrate them.
  • What's a European immigrant's favorite high school sport? Cross country
  • Never ask white Americans what their ethnicity is unless you wanna hear a list of every European country and meaningless fractions.
  • Really interesting Post with link to american Website. Unfortunately, our website is currently unavailable in most European countries.
  • Britain left the European Union.... Some think that the country will eurupt
  • In what European country are you most likely to get sick? Germany.
    I'll see myself out.
  • The other day my European friend ask me about our views on l**... in this country. Apparently, "usually in HD" was not the answer she was looking for
    P.S sorry english not my native language

European Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny european car jokes and even better european car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had a friend buy a European car and he kept telling me about it breaking down. I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore of his Saab stories.
  • - I like to travel in first - But is expensive, is not?
    - Yes, I have already broken three cars!!
    European joke...
  • Always remember that money cannot buy you love It can, however, buy you a mansion, a yacht, a nice suit, and a fancy European sports car. After that, you'll be beating love off with a stick.
  • TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show. whoops, wrong Saab

European History Jokes

Here is a list of funny european history jokes and even better european history puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class? She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
  • My professor gave me an F for my essay on late 19th century European history.... It turns out there was a lot more to it than "everything changed when the Germans attacked"
European joke, My professor gave me an F for my essay on late 19th century European history....

Share Hilarious European Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about european you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean continent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make european pranks.

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

An International School Teacher

...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Did you know I have an international bathroom?

When you're heading there you're Russian
When you're in there European
and when you're done you're Finnish
*I'll show myself out*

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

When is the only time you're not American?

When European.

Two women meet over a coffee.

"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"

A European m**... goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Why don't Europeans have foot fetishes?

they use the metric system

I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist

Well, he said he was a hung a**...

ḱley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate

Climate change is man-made.

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...

Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar..

.. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.

I was talking to a girl about the establishment of the 4th r**... when a girl told me that I was being politically incorrect

Apparently the proper term is "European Union"

If you are American when you go into the bathroom...

... and you are American when you come out of the bathroom. What are you while you are in the bathroom?


My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore.

It's because she keeps me in Czech.

An American starts using a u**... next to an Englishman

The American turns to him and says "Hey European"
The Englishman replies "I know"

I really like European food... I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

What nationality are you in the bathroom?

I bet your Russian to the bathroom but in there European.

What nationality are you when you walk into the bathroom?

What nationality are you while you're in the bathroom?
What nationality are you when you walk out of the bathroom?

The lifeguard at my local pool is racist...

How I know?
When he said I should leave, I asked why and he said, "European in the pool!"

UN sent a survey to children from different country: " Regarding the problem of food shortage in other countries, what's your opinion?" Surprisingly no kids understand the question.

American kids: "what's other countries ...?"
European kids: "what's shortage ...?"
Africa kids: "what's food ...?"
Chinese kids: "what's my opinion ...?"

I was talking to a russian the other day and he said that russia is the largest european nation...

I said, sorry man, eurasian.

European monarchs are a lot like beef Wellington.

They're in bread.

Which former European state exported mainly napkins?

The Serviette Union

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, Name?
Vladimir Putin
Country of Origin?
No, no. Just visiting.

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"

An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.

They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.
American: I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk.
European: I'll have a watery r**...! I'll stay up for the drive.
Asian: I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!
The American and the European are astonished!! The European asks the Asian why he ordered all of that alcohol.
Asian: Isn't it obvious? You guys won't let me drive anyway.

Did you know there's a room in US homes where you are no longer American?

The bathroom! Because then European.

European heaven/ European h**...

European heaven is a place where the chefs are spanish, the police is british, the mechanics are germans, the lovers are italians and everything is organized by the swiss.
European h**... is a place where the chefs are british, the police is german, the mechanics are spanish, the lovers are swiss and everything is organized by the italians.

In Half-Life 2, European cities were renamed with numbers - e.g. most events are in City 17; there is also City 69, formerly known as


What did the 18th century European say when he checked his bank account?

"Oh no! I'm baroque!"

A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.

Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.

An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?

An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

Have you heard of the international bathroom?

When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.
At the the end, you're Finnish.

All of my European friends tell me I have a f**....

I tell them, I'll never understand the metric system.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

Do europeans have a f**...?

No, they have a centimeter f**.....

Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet

While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)
The other says: "Who's playing?"
"Austria-Hungary", says the first.
"Against whom?"

When you really have to pee, your Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside?

This was one of my dad's jokes

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!
A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

A Frenchman, a Dutchman and a German walk into a bar...

Normally there also would've been a Belgian, an Englishman and an Italian, but they couldn't come since they're still at the European Championship.

In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

my European friend and I used to play chess.

he was my Czech mate.

Which European political leader likes to write at sea?

Marine Le Pen

European joke, Which European political leader likes to write at sea?

jokes about european