European Jokes
150 european jokes and hilarious european puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about european that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny European jokes? We've got you covered with this collection of hilariously funny jokes about Europe and Europeans!
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Funniest European Short Jokes
Short european jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The european humour may include short european countries jokes also.
- None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
- What do you call a person who's an expert in American culture and politics? A European Redditor.
- If you are Russian when you go to the bathroom and you are Finnish when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom? European
- 10% of European babies are conceived on an IKEA bed. So, be sure to follow the instructions.
Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten. - There's zero difference between US and European Healthcare.... ...well, lots of zeroes...usually added to the end of the bill.
- I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes... My personal spell Czech.
- A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork. They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.
- Have you heard of the international bathroom? When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.
At the the end, you're Finnish. - As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
- What do you call an Eastern European cashier? A Checkoutslovakian.
(Better said than read)
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European One Liners
Which european one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with european? I can suggest the ones about european american and nationality.
- What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
- Why are European cars the lightest? because there's no Americans sitting in them.
- I married a European chess master. He's my Czech mate.
- What's the fastest way to lose a few pounds? Exit the European Union.
- No matter if you are American or European 9/11 is a sad date
- Made an Eastern European friend on a chess forum. He was my Czech mate.
- I'm developing a gun that shoots east european stew. I call it the Goulashnikov.
- TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact
- I'm a European frog; mostly French, a bit German, and... ...a tad Pole.
- What are you if you aren't European? Eurapoopin.
-my daughter - What joke is the same in all european languages? USA
- Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece.
- If European in the bathroom, who's the guy on the floor? Himalayan
- What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom? "European."
- European monarchs are a lot like beef Wellington. They're in bread.
European American Jokes
Here is a list of funny european american jokes and even better european american puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you're an American in your bedroom... An American in your livingroom, an American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
European
\*Apologies to Europe...it's just a punny joke. - Europeans: What's a good American joke in your country? On the heels of the funny Italian joke ("Emma comes first …") what jokes do other countries tell about Americans?
- If you're Canadian before you enter the bathroom, and American when you leave, what are you inside? European!
- My dad once told me this one If you walk into the bathroom an American and come out of the bathroom an American, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
European :^) - If you're Russian to the bathroom, but American when you come out, what are when you're inside the bathroom? European.
- From my 10 yo son: If you're American before you go into the bathroom, and you're American after you leave the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? You're a Peein' (European)
- When is the only time you're not American? When European.
- An American gets sentenced to jail in an european prison The US government had to put in a lot of diplomatic negotiation to get him back into the states.
They mostly had to convince him. - Did you know there's a room in US homes where you are no longer American? The bathroom! Because then European.
- A European and an American European: Wanna hear a joke?
American: Sure.
European: Free Healthcare.
American: I don't get it.
European: I Know.
Eastern European Jokes
Here is a list of funny eastern european jokes and even better eastern european puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
- When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats... they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.
- I used to work in an eastern european fraud office. I had to check czech cheques.
- What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building? The Czech bounced.
- What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate
- My friend who works as a beautician wants to learn Eastern European languages It sounds challenging, but I know she's going to nail Polish.
- What do you call an Eastern European couple after they get a divorce ? Separate Czechs.
- what did they tell the eastern European tree who wanted a room at the hotel california you can czech in any time you want
but you can never leaf - What is an Eastern European dictator's favorite food? Chowșescu
- I hired a new cleaner, she was Eastern European. Not being the quickest at her job, I was going to fire her. I confronted her about her pace and she apologized and informed me she was a Slovak.
European Countries Jokes
Here is a list of funny european countries jokes and even better european countries puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did one european country eat the other? Because it was Hungary
- Taking calculus has made me want to become Prime Minister of a European country Then I can just throw money at problems instead of trying to integrate them.
- What's a European immigrant's favorite high school sport? Cross country
- Really interesting Post with link to american Website. Unfortunately, our website is currently unavailable in most European countries.
- Britain left the European Union.... Some think that the country will eurupt
- In what European country are you most likely to get sick? Germany.
I'll see myself out.
European Car Jokes
Here is a list of funny european car jokes and even better european car puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had a friend buy a European car and he kept telling me about it breaking down. I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore of his Saab stories.
- - I like to travel in first - But is expensive, is not?
- Yes, I have already broken three cars!!
European joke... - Always remember that money cannot buy you love It can, however, buy you a mansion, a yacht, a nice suit, and a fancy European sports car. After that, you'll be beating love off with a stick.
- TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show. whoops, wrong Saab
European History Jokes
Here is a list of funny european history jokes and even better european history puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class? She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
- My professor gave me an F for my essay on late 19th century European history.... It turns out there was a lot more to it than "everything changed when the Germans attacked"
Share Hilarious European Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about european you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean continent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make european pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We'll take the alien, you get the predators
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day my European friend ask me about our views on l**... in this country.
Apparently, "usually in HD" was not the answer she was looking for
P.S sorry english not my native language
The U.N. initiates a poll...
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
In the 1700s, Muslims invented the first condoms. They used goat intestines.
Then in the next century, Europeans took the invention to the next level. They took the intestines out of the goat.
Guy playing chess with his Central European lover
"Czech and mate"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women meet over a coffee.
"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A European m**... goes to an African tribe...
... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist
Well, he said he was a hung a**...
ḱley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate
Climate change is man-made.
A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar..
.. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to a girl about the establishment of the 4th r**... when a girl told me that I was being politically incorrect
Apparently the proper term is "European Union"
My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore.
It's because she keeps me in Czech.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American starts using a u**... next to an Englishman
The American turns to him and says "Hey European"
The Englishman replies "I know"
I really like European food...
...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Did you know that your nationality changes when you go to the bathroom?
When you go in there, American (or whatever nationality you are)
When you come out of there, American
But when you are in there, European
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The lifeguard at my local pool is racist...
How I know?
When he said I should leave, I asked why and he said, "European in the pool!"
If you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you Finnish you walk out, what are you inside
European
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Europeans use too many gyros for the s**... of animals. Let's alert PITA.
That was a terrible pun. I falafel.
What nationality are you in the bathroom?
European.
I was talking to a russian the other day and he said that russia is the largest european nation...
I said, sorry man, eurasian.
Where do Europeans go for slurpies?
11/7
A European pornstar was filming, after 3 minutes of recording they were done, the lady turned around and said 'is that all?'
He said sorry but I'm Finnish
A man with a disorder that makes him urinate randomly is talking to another man with an Italian accent.
He is confused by his accent and asks what nationality he is. The Italian man replies, European!
Which former European state exported mainly napkins?
The Serviette Union
An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.
The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"
I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren't on the same page.
I'm 8 1/2 x 11. She's A4.
It just didn't feel right. We didn't fit together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.
They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.
American: I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk.
European: I'll have a watery r**...! I'll stay up for the drive.
Asian: I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!
The American and the European are astonished!! The European asks the Asian why he ordered all of that alcohol.
Asian: Isn't it obvious? You guys won't let me drive anyway.
In Half-Life 2, European cities were renamed with numbers - e.g. most events are in City 17; there is also City 69, formerly known as
Nice.
What did the 18th century European say when he checked his bank account?
"Oh no! I'm baroque!"
A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.
Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All of my European friends tell me I have a f**....
I tell them, I'll never understand the metric system.
1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.
Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"
Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"
Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!
I just got off the phone with my European friend visiting Buffalo.
He said make it quick he's roaming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do europeans have a f**...?
No, they have a centimeter f**.....
Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet
While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)
The other says: "Who's playing?"
"Austria-Hungary", says the first.
"Against whom?"
When you really have to pee, your Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside?
European!
This was one of my dad's jokes
The difference between a 21 year-old American and European
An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!
A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a guy that urinates on the streets of Europe
European
A Frenchman, a Dutchman and a German walk into a bar...
Normally there also would've been a Belgian, an Englishman and an Italian, but they couldn't come since they're still at the European Championship.
In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.
Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.
Around 1900, in a school in Austria
The 11-12 year olds were quizzed on European capitals. Teacher asks boy:
What is the capital of Germany? "Berlin!"
What is the capital of France? "Berlin!"
What is the capital of Great Britain? "Berlin!"
Teacher: No son, you failed and were wrong on 2 out of the 3, what was your name again?
"Adolph!"
When you really have to go to the bathroom, you become Scandinavian
First you're Russian there, then European, and then you're Finnish.
