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Eternal Jokes

101 eternal jokes and hilarious eternal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about eternal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article looks at eternal jokes and their underlying messages about eternal life and the pursuit of immortality. From an eternal optimist's perspective, an eternity of torment and tormenting might just be the price of perpetual existence. Learn more about the implications of eternal jokes and how they might relate to immortality.

Funniest Eternal Short Jokes

Short eternal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The eternal humour may include short everlasting jokes also.

  1. Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
    Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right?
  2. And God said to John: "Come forth and receive eternal life". But he came fifth and won a toaster.
  3. I wouldn't be mad. And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.
  4. There's a greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks
  5. And the Lord said to Peter 'Come forth and receive eternal life' Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
  6. What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness? Me, I'm a divorce lawyer
  7. The Lord said to John: Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life! John ended up coming fifth…
  8. And Jesus said unto Peter, "Come forth and you shall receive eternal glory" But Peter came fifth, and won only a toaster.
  9. God and Lazarus God said to Lazarus, "Come forth, and receive eternal life!"
    However, Lazarus came fifth and received a toaster.
  10. And so John said to David come forth and you shall win eternal life... But David came fifth and won a toaster

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Eternal One Liners

Which eternal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with eternal? I can suggest the ones about immortal and eternity.

  1. What's the meaning of eternal love? Two blind people playing tennis.
  2. What`s the definition of eternity? The time between when you come and when she leaves.
  3. Whats longer, forever or eternity? Eternity. It has 8 letters.
  4. What's the definition of eternity 4 blondes at a 4 way stop
  5. Did you hear about elon musk sending a tesla car into space? To *drift* for all eternity
  6. "Come forth and gain eternal life" said God Dave came fifth and won a toaster
  7. And god said come forth and revive eternal life ... But he came fifth and won a blender
  8. Do you know a Jew's eternal dilemma? Pork is free of charge
  9. I discovered that the secret to eternal life is never dying.
  10. What is the definition of an eternity? The time between me getting off and her leaving.
  11. Jesus said, come forth and win eternal life. John came fifth and got a toaster.
  12. If you believe in eternity then You believe there is no end. omega mistake if you ask me!
  13. Jesus died on a Friday That's why on Black Friday we get eternal savings.
  14. Why won't you find any gondolas in the Eternal City? Because Rome wasn't built in a bay.
  15. Why did Nietzche's Shop go out of business? He accepted eternal returns.

Eternal Life Jokes

Here is a list of funny eternal life jokes and even better eternal life puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Lord said unto John: Come forth, and I will give you eternal life. But John came fifth, so he won a microwave.
  • And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life" John came fifth and won a blender
  • Brain cells die, skin cells die, even hair cells die. But FAT CELLS… must have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior because they seem to have eternal life.
  • 'Come fourth, John' Jesus said, 'and I will give you eternal life.' John came fifth and won a toaster.
  • "Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life", said God unto John. But John came in fifth and won a toaster.
  • The lord said to Abraham, "Come forth and I'll give you eternal life." Abraham came fifth.
    He won a toaster.
  • The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and be awarded eternal life" John came fifth and was awarded a toaster
  • And God Said To Adam Come forth and yee shall receive eternal life. But Adam came fifth and got a toaster.
  • Eternal life Police have arrested a man for selling pills that promise eternal life.
    Records show that it was the fourth time he has been arrested. His previous arrests were in 1760,1839, and 1946.
  • God said to John, "Come forth and recieve eternal life." But John came fifth, and received a toaster instead.
Eternal joke, God said to John, "Come forth and recieve eternal life."

Uplifting Eternal Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about eternal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean endless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make eternal pranks.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"...

But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit.

The Man and the Genie.

A genie appears to a man and offers him three wishes. However, the genie explains there are a few stipulations. None of these wishes can have anything to do with eternal life, s**..., or money. The man mulls it over for a minute and finally looks up at the genie.
"I think I'm good then."

Come forth...

God: John,come forth and you shall receive eternal life!
But john came third and won a toaster.

I went to a blind fortune teller the other day

She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future.

Jesus said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jesus tells Peter, "Come forth and you shall have eternal glory!"

Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.

And so, Jesus said unto Peter "Come forth and win yourself eternal glory"

But Peter came fifth and won himself a toaster

Then God said, come fourth john, for you will have eternal life...

But john came Fifth and won a free toaster

In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.

amanda's a lesbian.

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

And Lord said unto John...

"Come forth and receive eternal life"
But John came 5th... He got a toaster

And then the lord said......

...come forth and you shall be granted eternal life...But i came fifth and won a toaster instead!
Which is cool because i did not have a toaster

One time in band camp...

They threatened me with eternal t**....
Oh wait that was Bible camp.

Hillary is talking to The Pope, and he says...

"With but one wave of my hand, I can make these people feel joy. Joy that nothing else in the world can bring. And it will be an eternal, everlasting joy."
Hillary says "I'll believe that when I see it."
And so, the Pope raises his hand into the air, and slaps her across the face, and the crowd goes wild.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.


*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

John met god

and God said "John come forth and you will receive eternal light" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster

Russian Nursery Rhyme

Row row row your boat all the way to Vladivostok
Life is eternal struggle towards an inevitable death
Drink v**... till you sleep

Jesus told John

Come forth and receive eternal life.
But poor John came in fifth and received a toaster.

Optimism

The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a t**....

The bible says that heaven is 1500 miles wide and 1500 miles high, built out of gold as clear as glass.

There are going to be a lot of birds dying in the eternal paradise...

Then the Lord told John to come fourth to receive eternal life

But he came fifth and received a toaster

God said unto John, "Come Fourth and you shall receive eternal life."

But John came fifth and won $20.

Asked the Priest for forgiveness because I ate a dog today

Asked the Priest for forgiveness because I ate a dog today.
He said I would suffer eternal dalmatian.

God said to John ' Come forth and i'll give you eternal life '.

John came 5th and got a toaster instead

...And Jesus said to Peter, "Come fourth, and you shall receive eternal glory!"

But Peter came fifth, and had to eat the biscuit.

Why is a cheeseburger better than eternal happiness?

1. Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
2. A cheeseburger is better than nothing.

My favorite lame joke

And God said unto John: Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.
But john came fifth, and won a toaster.
I know, it's s**... and overused, but it's my favorite...

God said to Jacob "Come forth and recieve eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a tomato knife.

My girlfriend just told me our love is like an eternal candle....

If you forget about me, I burn your house down.

When the logician was given a choice between eternal bliss and a ham salad, which one did he choose?

Ham salad, because nothing is better than eternal bliss, and ham salad is better than nothing.

If I made a Mobius s**... out of black and white dog fur,

would it result in eternal dalmation?

And lord told upon John "come forth and get eternal life"

...but John came fifth and won a toaster

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.
Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

The Lord said: "come forth and gain eternal life"

But instead he came fifth and won a toaster

And so the Lord said unto John, come forth, and you shall receive the gift of eternal life.

But John came fifth, and received a $10 subway gift card

And the LORD said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.



Old but gold.

Stolen off the internet. Enjoy

Thanks for playing, John

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".


John came fifth and won a toaster.

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."
The man says: "I disagree."
The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

And the Lord said to John; come forth and you will have eternal life...

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And the Lord said unto John, Come forth and you shall receive eternal life.

But John came fifth and received a toaster.

The Lord said to John "Come forth and recieve eternal life"

But John came in fifth and won a Best Buy gift card.

God said, "Come forth, John, and you shall recieve eternal life"

John came fifth and won a microwave oven

And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"

... but John came in fifth and won a toaster.

Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.

The other is the Sith.

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

One for the software devs

There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:
1. Garbage collection
2. Naming things
3. Off-by-one errors

Brain cells die, skin cells die, hair cells die

But fat cells must have accepted jesus as their lord savior because of their eternal life

A friend asked what's the secret to eternal life?

Saying or doing something s**... on the internet. That s**... will never be forgotten and you'll go down in history forever.

A man woke up sobbing

"The world is a cruel uncaring void!" he cried. "Pleasure is fleeting but pain is eternal! Hope is a mirage! What cruel God made this reality!?"
Next to him, his wife stirred.
"Oh honey...is it Monday already...?"

A man goes to h**......

A man dies and goes to h**.... There he meets the devil, who is going to show him to the place he will be for all eternity.
The man is escorted into an ordinary room, with a bunch of people standing around drinking coffee.
The only odd thing is everyone in the room is knee deep in s**....
"Well...here we are" says the devil
The man looks around and thinks to himself that his eternal place in h**... could be a whole lot worse.
As the devil walks out he says, "Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads."

At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.

The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."

Logic 101

Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
A cheese sandwich is better than nothing.
Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

Helen Keller's Favorite Joke

What do you call two blind people playing tennis?
Eternal love.

Eternal joke, Helen Keller's Favorite Joke

jokes about eternal