Established Jokes
37 established jokes and hilarious established puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about established that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Established Short Jokes
Short established jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The established humour may include short establishment jokes also.
- If Elon Musk's space company establishes a mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your.... Space x.
- McDonald's has paused operations in Russia. They've successfully established a No Fry Zone.
- Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity. You know who you are.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
- My girlfriend is weird. Sometimes she wants my time, then sometimes suddenly she wants her space We don't seem to have established a functional continuum
- What do you call the an ant in a colony who is responsible for establishing incoming trade deals with other ant colonies? Import-ant
- If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!
- Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news First the good news: we definitely established that you are not a hypochondriac.
- A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller... Wok inn two Abe R.
- What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.
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Established One Liners
Which established one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with established? I can suggest the ones about developed and proposed.
- Authorized, Bona Fide, Established... those are some Legit synonyms.
- Why did the saloon owner destroy his establishment? He wanted to raze the bar...
- I was in a portable toilet establishment there was no silverware.
- I'd like to establish a new city, a proud city. Gucci, Maine.
- An establishment the serves soup is a Brothel
- What's a conservatives favorite hotel? The White Establishment
- Which duck will destroy the establishment? None, ducks are not allowed in politics.
- I stopped leaning against walls because I couldn't trust the establishment...
- What do you call a mexican in a parking lot A well established individual
- What is H1B for "Come here often?" ? Visit this establishment frequently ?
- What do you call an establishment that illegally sells alcohol to Mexicans? a s**...-easy
Comical & Quirky Established Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about established you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean adopted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make established pranks.
Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:
- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
The woman giggles.
- Of course I would!
- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?
The woman looks disgusted.
- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?
- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Genie with a flaw
A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
A man sees a woman in a bar...
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An English bishop was visiting New York and had been warned about quote-hungry American reporters.
As he was walking down the stairs off the plane, a voice amid the camera flashes called out "Hey, Bishop! Will you be visiting any s**... clubs while you're in New York?"
The bishop gave a crinkly smile and said innocently: "Dear me, are there such establishments in this city?"
When he got to his hotel, the headline in the evening paper read: **l**... BISHOP'S FIRST QUESTION: "ARE THERE ANY s**... CLUBS IN NEW YORK?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The right price
A man approaches a woman in a bar:
-- Miss, if I offer you a million dollars, would you agree to have s**... with me?
-- Yes, of course.
-- But what if I give you only $50?
-- Are you crazy? What kind of woman do you think I am?
-- That's what we established earlier, now I'm just trying to negotiate the price.
What message did the cyborg see upon his failed attempt to flirt with the waitress?
Error! Unable to establish a connection with server.
As a teacher, one of the things I used to dread most was seeing one of my students out in public. So imagine my surprise when I saw 18 year old Kristen out one Saturday night in a 21 and over establishment. She saw me at the same time, came over and loudly asked, "What the heck are YOU doing here?!"
I said, "Well, I'm a functioning alcoholic, it's Saturday night, and I am 32 years old. So I really think the better question here is... how much are the lap dances?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to a girl about the establishment of the 4th r**... when a girl told me that I was being politically incorrect
Apparently the proper term is "European Union"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
A sign on an establishment reads "No all-knowing beings permitted."
The second line reads "You know what you did."
A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress
But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:
`Error: failed to establish connection with server. `
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond walks into a bar and orders a line of shots.
A blond walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment's finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets her up, and the blond takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. She then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?" And the blondy replies, "Well the first shot always tastes like c**..., and the last one always makes me sick!"
No leader or government should establish communism in their country...
...after all, in history, there have been so many red flags.
What's the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.
One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.
And the other fortunately never caught on in America.
