Escape Plan Jokes
14 escape plan jokes and hilarious escape plan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about escape plan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Escape Plan Short Jokes
Short escape plan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The escape plan humour may include short fire escape jokes also.
- We're trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We've got some ideas. But it's still up in the air.
- Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube's great escape from the freezer? You could say it was a very well thawed out plan
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Escape Plan Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about escape plan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean escape from prison jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make escape plan pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
3 people try to escape a mental institution
They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.
The first one said: Lets go w**... the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.
The second one says: Thats a great idea!
Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.
the other one says: What is wrong.
the second one replies: Were domed.
The first one says: Why
The second one replies: Because theres no fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old joke
Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"
Two lunatics planning their escape from the asylum.
A:(Give a task to B) Go see the keeper's position. If he's on the left we flee by the right; If he's on the right we flee by the left.
B: (returns disappointed) impossible to flee!! He's not here.
The Great Cow Escape
A group of cows who were no longer producing the required amount of milk were scheduled to be butchered. They had a long discussion the night before, and decided to try an escape. They used cow mannequins to fool the farmer and snuck out successfully. It was an elaborate plan filled with bravery and heroism. Proving true, once again, that drastic times call for plastic heifers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are locked in a cell inside of an insane asylum
The first man says to the second Hey listen, I have a plan to get us out of here.
Really?! Ok go on replies the second man.
The first man says okay well you see I'm going to take this flashlight here, turn it on, and aim it at the window over there and then you hop on the beam of light and walk to the window on it and escape.
The second man gives the first man a dirty look and says You think I'm sooooo s**... dont you....... I know as soon as I get on the beam you're just gonna turn the light off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two patients are trying to escape a mental hospital
They devise a plan to get up to the rooftop and jump from one building to another. When they get there, the first patient jumps across to the next building with ease, but his friend was scared that he wouldn't make it if he jumped. The first patient thinks for a while then comes up with an plan.
P1: "I know! I'll just shine my flashlight to you and you can use the beam to walk towards me."
The second patient thinks for a moment and replies :
"What am I, s**...? You'll just turn the light of when I get halfway across."
4 MBA students went out on a night before their exam and were boozing hard.
They did not study for the test and thought of a plan to escape. So they went to their dean looking weary and worn out, their dresses covered in grease and dirt.
They told their dean that they had all gone to a wedding the previous day and while coming back their car tire had blown up. So they had to push the car all way back to the hostel as there was no help available on the way. So they said that they were not in a position to write the test that day and asked him to conduct a retest later.
The dean being a kind man he was asked them to come to a retest 3 days later.
The boys were very happy and went to prepare in full swing.
After 3 days the dean asked them to come for the test.
The dean said that the test had 2 questions for 100 marks.
He said that they had to write the test in separate rooms.
As the boys had prepared well they agreed. The test went as follows.
TEST
Q.1 Write your name
Q.2 Which tire burst?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's this British RAF pilot in WW2, and he's been captured by the Germans....
the k**... have him t**... and they're interrogating him.
"Tell us about your seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your leg!"
The Pilot, dashing and resolute, refuses, but before they cut off his leg, he asks them to please drop it over England on their next b**... raid, so it can rest in peace. The Germans try again, furious at his determination:
"Tell us about your nation's seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your other leg!"
The Pilot again heroically refuses, but once more requests that they drop the amputated limb over England on a b**... raid. The German interrogators are really angry now, and the Officer is apoplectic:
"You vill tell us all of your country's seekret plans, or vee vill beat you, and cut off your arms, miserable English svine!"
The Pilot, as much a stalwart as ever, refuses. "But please", he adds, "For my honour, take my dismembered arms and drop them over England on your next raid".
"NO!" The German replies, "Vee sink you are trying to escape!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/22)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!
First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more s**... during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".
Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.
More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.
Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."
And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.
Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Project: Reimagined
There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed s**....
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."