Escape Jokes
140 escape jokes and hilarious escape puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about escape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a break? Check out these Escape Jokes - get a chuckle out of these hilarious jokes about escape plans, prison breakout, rooftop adventures, Ford Escape cars and more! Find out which jokes break through the wall of boredom!
Quick Jump To
- Short Escape Jokes
- Escape One Liners
- Escape From Prison Jokes
- Prison Escape Jokes
- Escape From Jail Jokes
- Fire Escape Jokes
- Escape Room Jokes
- More Escape Jokes
Funniest Escape Short Jokes
Short escape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The escape humour may include short exit jokes also.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down. - Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.
But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while. - Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!
- I've lost control. I don't see an end. There is no escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard.
- Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
- A man escaped from a bear only with a bow in hand But his friend who got an arrow in the knee was not as lucky.
- No end in sight... I can't see an end.
I have no control.
I don't think there's any escape.
I don't even have a home anymore.
Time for a new keyboard. - I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall... I thought, that's a little condescending.
- Why do koi always swim in groups of 4? So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi
- I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape. I should get a new keyboard.
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Escape One Liners
Which escape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with escape? I can suggest the ones about quit and dispose.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.
- Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.
- How did the computer hacker escape the police? He just ransomeware....
- How did the hacker escape the police? He just ransomware!
- Officer, where did the hacker escape? I dunno man, he just ransomware
- What has 125 teeth and prevents a savage beast from escaping? My zipper.
- You know how I escaped from Iraq? Iran
- Where did the hackers go when they escaped? No idea, they just ransomware
- How I escaped Iraq Q: How did you escaped Iraq?
A: Iran - How did I escape Afghanistan? Iran.
- How do you escape from a Jewish Cop? You take the toll road.
- What do you call a Mexican man who escapes the cops? The Juan that got away.
- How did the chocolatier escape police custody? He had a few twix up his sleeve.
- Why did the accordionist cross the road? To escape from the angry mob of bar patrons.
- I went to one of those escape rooms and got out in only 3 hours It's called Ikea
Escape From Prison Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape from prison jokes and even better escape from prison puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
- What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large
- A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
- What happens when a psychic Little Person escapes from prison? We've got a small medium at large.
- Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison? News headlines say "Small medium at large".
- A psychic dwarf escaped from prison There's a small medium at large.
- I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died. Now I can't escape.
- I was visiting a midget prison today... As I was leaving, I saw a little person climbing over a prison wall to escape. He turned and gave me a dirty look, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.
- Prisoner The prisoner cried, "I'm sorry I tried to escape!"
The guard responded, "I'm not mad, just disappointed."
Remember kids, never let your guard down. - News break: A fortune telling midget just escaped from prison, police are reporting to be on the lookout for a: Small medium at large.
Prison Escape Jokes
Here is a list of funny prison escape jokes and even better prison escape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just saw a midget escaping from prison by climbing down the wall! Half way down, he turned his head and grimaced at me. I thought: That's a little condescending.
- Did you hear about the little person who used his psychic abilities to escape prison? He's a small medium at large.
- A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called psychic readings escaped. Small medium at large.
- A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending". - A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
- How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall
- What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
- It was very easy to escape from prison. The WiFi was so bad that there were zero bars on my cell.
- I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.
- A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison. The police alert said There's a small medium at large.
Escape From Jail Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape from jail jokes and even better escape from jail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."
- A psychic dwarf escaped from jail The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
- Why couldn't the plant escape the jail? Because his cell had walls.
- What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail? Small medium at large.
- Jailbreak! Diminutive psychic Chris Tolbol escaped from jail earlier today.
Police describe him as a small medium at large. - What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.
- Did you hear about the petite psychic who escaped jail? There is a small medium at large
- Did you hear about the clairvoyant midget that escaped from jail? He's a small medium at large.
- I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending - What did the headlines say about the midget psychic who escaped from jail? SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE
Fire Escape Jokes
Here is a list of funny fire escape jokes and even better fire escape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear the joke about the midget who robbed a bank and then escaped down a fire escape?! Sorry I shouldn't say midget... it's a little condescending
- Remember the Harlem Shake? What a ridiculous dance. I remember when the Harlem Shake was a black fella holding me upside down off of a fire escape trying to collect his money.
Escape Room Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape room jokes and even better escape room puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to the worst escape room ever. Its called IKEA.
- My friends and I went to an escape room last weekend... ....we did end up winning!.....but they're still trying to patch up the wall.
- Told my wife that I am taking her to "The Amazing Escape Room" for Valentines day.... ...I hope she likes The Best Western!
- You're stuck in a room with no doors, no windows, and only three matches. How do you escape? Strike one, strike two, strike three, and you're out.
- What's the point of spending $90 to be stuck in an escape room when I can go to IKEA for free And spend $180 on furniture I didn't need
- Yo mama so fat... She tried one of those escape rooms, but couldn't figure out how to get in.
- A new DC storyline involves the Dark Knight being kidnapped by a cricket team... After being told he escaped the locked room, the Boss screamed "Howzat happen?"
- How do you escape an empty room with only a mirror and a dresser? Look in the mirror. See what you saw. Take the saw ands cut the dresser in half. Two halves makes a whole. Climb through the hole.
- How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies?
He ate his way out.
Heartwarming Escape Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about escape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean withdraw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make escape pranks.
Did you here about the guy who turned to Scientologists to escape his past?
Out with Xeold, in with Xenu! :P
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
A guy escape from prision
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
why didn't the escaped peasant want to go to the beach?
he was scared that he'd end up serfing again
I escaped!
A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*
THREE RELIGIOUS TRUTHS IN AMERICA, WE CANNOT ESCAPE:
1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists AND MORMONS do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at h**....
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?
now museum, now you don't
How did the man escape from prison?
Well, he rubbed his hands to make them sore,
He used the saw to cut the table in half,
Two halves make a whole,
He jumped into the hole and got out,
Finally he shouted til his voice was hoarse then climbed on the horse and rode back home.
An old one my grandfather told before he died.
3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad
The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"
Torrential rainfall? Rising floodwaters?! No escape?!! Don't worry...
I Noah guy.
TIL if you buy the new MacBook Pro
There is no escape.
The American Presidential Campaign is a lot like the new Mac.
**There is no escape.**
once you use mac you never go back.
there's literally no escape
I have no home. I've got no control. There's no escape.
I should probably look into getting a new keyboard.
You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps?
Hah, gulag with that.
[Politics] i**... immigrants are lucky
The government is helping them escape the US
...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs
I met a r**... on the bus today.
"What country are you from?" I asked.
"Iraq" he said.
"How did you escape?" I asked.
IRAN
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
I broke some letters off my keyboard last night
My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.
Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime
The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things
How did I escape from the Middle East?
Iran.
I lost my home. I've lost control and I can't see any escape.
I definitely need a new keyboard.
Too guys trying to escape a prison
Last fence they have to jump has bells on it. First guy jumps, touches the wires and the bells ring.
They guard says:- Who goes there?
The guy makes a noise:-Meow!
Guard says: -oh, its just a cat.
Second guy jumps, hits the wires, bells ring.
Guard says: -Who goes there?
Second guy:-Just another cat.
Can't escape Dad jokes when you're a Dad...
Son (in crowded store): "Hey Dad, do you know where Mom went?"
Me: (knowing Mom can hear around the corner) "Just ask some people where the most beautiful woman in the store is..."
Mom: (snort-laughs from around the corner)
Me: "...and see if she has seen your Mom."
Mom: (silence)
Mom: "Can't lie...that was a good one."
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
People often use fiction to escape into the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems as them.
For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.
Kids today will never know how awesome Pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.
Most things escape baby goats.
Officer, how did the hacker escape?
I don't know...he just ransomware!
So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.
They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".
I woke up one day, and wanted to go to the store.
I went to my garage and saw that my car wasn't there.
That day, I realized I shouldn't have bought a Ford Escape.
3 people try to escape a mental institution
They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the h**... you didn't s**... yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
How do you reach OJ Simpson's website?
Slash / slash / backslash \ ESCape
Did you hear about the robot who tried to escape imprisonment?
Don't worry, he got reCAPTCHA'd
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami.
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami. His first day there, he heads to the nearest beach bar and proceeds to pound down mai tais. After 5 or 6 drinks, he feels a strong urge to pee, and in his drunken state, he swivels his stool around and starts peeing right onto the sand. Just then, a young woman happens to walk by and shrieks "g**...!"
His cheeks blush as he yells back "Danke!"
"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"
"I'm not sure sir, he used the b**... and ransomware"
Why do koi fish always travel in groups of 4?
So the A koi, the B koi, and the C koi can escape, because they know the predator will always go after the D koi.
What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?
If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.
The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.
I can't see the end, I've lost control, I've no home, and I don't think there's an escape.
It's probably about time I bought a new keyboard.
Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.
The first one said: Lets go w**... the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.
The second one says: Thats a great idea!
Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.
the other one says: What is wrong.
the second one replies: Were domed.
The first one says: Why
The second one replies: Because theres no fence.
How does a Pokemon trainer commit s**...?
Escape rope.
A stubborn chicken
There was once a stubborn chicken at Mr. Wiley's farm who always used to find ways to escape out the back.
Mr. Wiley decided to put a fence around chicken house, but being a stubborn chicken, he still managed to escape out the back.
Then Mr. Wiley decided to put it in a cage. But chicken, being stubborn still managed to escape out the back.
Frustrated, Mr. Wiley killed it, cooked it and finally ate it. But the chicken was stubborn. He still managed to escape out the back.
There's no end in sight. I have no control and there is no escape. I'm pretty sure my home is broken.
I'm going to need a new keyboard.
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big b**... deal, I'm four".
Why did noone see Zelenskyys b**... so far?
Because the light cant escape the gravity well...
PS: You can really assume the mass of his b**... indirectly through effect it has on surrounding world.
What is OJ Simpson's computer password?
Slash Slash back-Slash escape.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
An interesting hack
How did the hacker escape the police?
He ransomwhere
I have a friend in prison who is very kind.
Someone asked him to donate his eye, he gave it for free. Someone asked for his kidney, he also gave it for free. Another asked for his hands, he gave them both, free of charge.
My good friend was still willing to donate his legs as well but the Warden didn't approve it.
The Warden said, "That's enough! You think I didn't notice that you are trying to escape piece by piece?!"
I let go a silent f**... in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...
Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time
A group of apes had locked everyone inside of a Himalayan monastery
Escape was delayed because of the missing monk key.
A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the n**...
Just as the n**... are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
"Hurricane!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
"Typhoon!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The n**... return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts
"Fire!"
