Escape Jokes
132 escape jokes and hilarious escape puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about escape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a break? Check out these Escape Jokes - get a chuckle out of these hilarious jokes about escape plans, prison breakout, rooftop adventures, Ford Escape cars and more! Find out which jokes break through the wall of boredom!
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Funniest Escape Short Jokes
Short escape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The escape humour may include short exit jokes also.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down. - Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!
- I've lost control. I don't see an end. There is no escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard.
- Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
- A man escaped from a bear only with a bow in hand But his friend who got an arrow in the knee was not as lucky.
- A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
- Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea. Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"
- Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass? To keep the spirits from escaping.
- A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts . - My girlfriend got pregnant, so I've been thinking about a name for over two weeks I chose Carlos and escaped to Mexico
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Escape One Liners
Which escape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with escape? I can suggest the ones about quit and dispose.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.
- Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.
- Officer, where did the hacker escape? I dunno man, he just ransomware
- What do you call a Mexican man who escapes the cops? The Juan that got away.
- How did the chocolatier escape police custody? He had a few twix up his sleeve.
- Why did the accordionist cross the road? To escape from the angry mob of bar patrons.
- I went to one of those escape rooms and got out in only 3 hours It's called Ikea
- Torrential rainfall? Rising floodwaters?! No escape?!! Don't worry... I Noah guy.
- Why couldn't the plant escape the jail? Because his cell had walls.
- What is OJ Simpson's computer password? Slash Slash back-Slash escape.
- once you use mac you never go back. there's literally no escape
- TIL if you buy the new MacBook Pro There is no escape.
- I went to the worst escape room ever. Its called IKEA.
- A sea lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium... I heard they had to re-seal the tank...
- How do you reach OJ Simpson's website? Slash / slash / backslash \ ESCape
Escape From Prison Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape from prison jokes and even better escape from prison puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
- I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died. Now I can't escape.
- A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
- It was very easy to escape from prison. The WiFi was so bad that there were zero bars on my cell.
- What do you call a fortune-telling dwarf who's escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
- A prison van and a cement truck collided Several hardened criminals escaped
- Did you hear about that Dwarf psychic that just escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.
- While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck. Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
- What do you call a vertically challenged person who's escaped from prison and can commune with the dead? A small medium at large.
- What's Brown and Black and looks good on an escaped prisoner A German Shepherd
Prison Escape Jokes
Here is a list of funny prison escape jokes and even better prison escape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail? It was a runaway success.
- This weekend a ghost whispering midget escaped from federal prison Now there's a small medium at large
- What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison? Calling all units, we have a small medium at large
- Fortune Teller The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large!
- Did you hear about the prison escape? Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.
- What does the prisoner press on the computer The escape button
- Man in prison After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!
- Did you hear about the prisoner who escaped after dismantling his cell? They say it was self defence.
- Yesterday I saw a midget escaping prison. As he went down its walls with a rope, he noticed me staring at him, so he looked at me with disgust.
"That's a little con descending" I thought - A few prisoners escaped prison in a car made of bones.. It was a marrow escape.
Escape From Jail Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape from jail jokes and even better escape from jail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jailbreak! Diminutive psychic Chris Tolbol escaped from jail earlier today.
Police describe him as a small medium at large. - I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending - What did the policeman say when the Arabic man escaped from jail? GOTTA CATCH JAMAL
- How do you escape from a jail cell? Seriously, I need to know
- Why can't Pocohontas kill a deer or escape from jail? Because she doesn't have a narrow head!
My dad just made this one up at supper. - Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail? Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.
- Chuck Norris had never escape from jail.
Jail escapes from Chuck Norris. - 50 cent just escaped from jail... They just call him loose change now.
- A psychic Midget escaped from jail yesterday. The papers read: "Small Medium at Large"
Fire Escape Jokes
Here is a list of funny fire escape jokes and even better fire escape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear the joke about the midget who robbed a bank and then escaped down a fire escape?! Sorry I shouldn't say midget... it's a little condescending
Escape Room Jokes
Here is a list of funny escape room jokes and even better escape room puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friends and I went to an escape room last weekend... ....we did end up winning!.....but they're still trying to patch up the wall.
- Told my wife that I am taking her to "The Amazing Escape Room" for Valentines day.... ...I hope she likes The Best Western!
- You're stuck in a room with no doors, no windows, and only three matches. How do you escape? Strike one, strike two, strike three, and you're out.
- What's the point of spending $90 to be stuck in an escape room when I can go to IKEA for free And spend $180 on furniture I didn't need
- A new DC storyline involves the Dark Knight being kidnapped by a cricket team... After being told he escaped the locked room, the Boss screamed "Howzat happen?"
- How do you escape an empty room with only a mirror and a dresser? Look in the mirror. See what you saw. Take the saw ands cut the dresser in half. Two halves makes a whole. Climb through the hole.
Heartwarming Escape Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about escape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean withdraw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make escape pranks.
Did you here about the guy who turned to Scientologists to escape his past?
Out with Xeold, in with Xenu! :P
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
KGB is Always Watching!
One night man tries escape from gulag.
Makes his way to cabin in middle of tundra. Inside is plain, but many family pictures on walls. He falls asleep. In middle of night he is put in sack and dragged out. The next morning he is shot like dog.
Pictures are windows. KGB always watching.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy escape from prision
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
How did blind slaves escape the South?
The Underground Braille-road
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
why didn't the escaped peasant want to go to the beach?
he was scared that he'd end up serfing again
I escaped!
A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
THREE RELIGIOUS TRUTHS IN AMERICA, WE CANNOT ESCAPE:
1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists AND MORMONS do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at h**....
What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer?
Return
Home
Slash
Slash
Backslash
Shift
Shift
Shift
Escape
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?
now museum, now you don't
How did the man escape from prison?
Well, he rubbed his hands to make them sore,
He used the saw to cut the table in half,
Two halves make a whole,
He jumped into the hole and got out,
Finally he shouted til his voice was hoarse then climbed on the horse and rode back home.
An old one my grandfather told before he died.
3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad
The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"
"Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."
*Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a bear
Note: Best when told aloud
First you have to go some place cold, where bears live. Find an ice lake and make a big hole in it, deep enough to where a bear could not escape. Then you go to the store and buy some frozen peas. Scatter the peas all around the hole and then hide near the hole. Now you just wait until a bear comes to take a pea and you kick him in the ice hole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The American Presidential Campaign is a lot like the new Mac.
**There is no escape.**
What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?
They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps?
Hah, gulag with that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To all the "I'm moving to Canada" people out there, you're being ridiculous.
You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Politics] i**... immigrants are lucky
The government is helping them escape the US
...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a r**... on the bus today.
"What country are you from?" I asked.
"Iraq" he said.
"How did you escape?" I asked.
IRAN
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
I broke some letters off my keyboard last night
My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.
Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime
The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things
How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?
1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.
2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half
3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.
4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.
5). Use the whole on the door and escape.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar..
Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar, because life s**... and alcohol is their way to escape it.
What do Black Holes and the Catholic Church have in common?
They both have a lot of mass that you cannot escape!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"There's no escape..."
...says a nerd in front of a broken keyboard.
Two lunatics planning their escape from the asylum.
A:(Give a task to B) Go see the keeper's position. If he's on the left we flee by the right; If he's on the right we flee by the left.
B: (returns disappointed) impossible to flee!! He's not here.
What did they change the name of the Ford Bronco to when O.J. Simpson got acquitted?
The Ford Escape!
Too guys trying to escape a prison
Last fence they have to jump has bells on it. First guy jumps, touches the wires and the bells ring.
They guard says:- Who goes there?
The guy makes a noise:-Meow!
Guard says: -oh, its just a cat.
Second guy jumps, hits the wires, bells ring.
Guard says: -Who goes there?
Second guy:-Just another cat.
Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital
Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital when they suddenly notice a guard
Fearing that he might hear his footsteps, the first crazy says meow
The guard thinks it's a cat and doesn't bat an eye
The second guy does the same and the guard again doesn't bat an eye
When it's third guy's turn he says
"I am also a cat"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a depressed shrimp do to escape the pain?
He Krills himself.
Can't escape Dad jokes when you're a Dad...
Son (in crowded store): "Hey Dad, do you know where Mom went?"
Me: (knowing Mom can hear around the corner) "Just ask some people where the most beautiful woman in the store is..."
Mom: (snort-laughs from around the corner)
Me: "...and see if she has seen your Mom."
Mom: (silence)
Mom: "Can't lie...that was a good one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
People often use fiction to escape into the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems as them.
For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.
How do you escape from a closed cellar without the keys?
I don't know either, please help me.
Kids today will never know how awesome Pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.
Most things escape baby goats.
I woke up one day, and wanted to go to the store.
I went to my garage and saw that my car wasn't there.
That day, I realized I shouldn't have bought a Ford Escape.
3 people try to escape a mental institution
They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."
Getting wet in the rain makes me sad...
I had to run fast. I'd either escape the storm in time or cry drying.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the h**... you didn't s**... yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,
Now i have no escape.
Did you hear about the robot who tried to escape imprisonment?
Don't worry, he got reCAPTCHA'd
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami.
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami. His first day there, he heads to the nearest beach bar and proceeds to pound down mai tais. After 5 or 6 drinks, he feels a strong urge to pee, and in his drunken state, he swivels his stool around and starts peeing right onto the sand. Just then, a young woman happens to walk by and shrieks "g**...!"
His cheeks blush as he yells back "Danke!"
What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?
If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.
The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are attempting an escape from an insane asylum
Eventually they escape the main building but there are walls around the encampment so they get to a roof to get over the wall, they look at the gap between the roof and the wall and decide it's too dangerous. the first guy says,
Alright, we can't jump across so I'll just shine my flashlight over to the other side and you can walk across the light
The second guy looks at the first guy baffled by what he just said, he replies
What?? Do you think I'm s**... or something?… You'll just turn the flashlight off when I'm halfway!
How does Kevin Bacon escape from a bear trap?
He's gotta cut footloose
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.
The first one said: Lets go w**... the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.
The second one says: Thats a great idea!
Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.
the other one says: What is wrong.
the second one replies: Were domed.
The first one says: Why
The second one replies: Because theres no fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a Pokemon trainer commit s**...?
Escape rope.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old joke
Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"
How do you escape an angry lumberjack on the internet?
You log off
A stubborn chicken
There was once a stubborn chicken at Mr. Wiley's farm who always used to find ways to escape out the back.
Mr. Wiley decided to put a fence around chicken house, but being a stubborn chicken, he still managed to escape out the back.
Then Mr. Wiley decided to put it in a cage. But chicken, being stubborn still managed to escape out the back.
Frustrated, Mr. Wiley killed it, cooked it and finally ate it. But the chicken was stubborn. He still managed to escape out the back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did noone see Zelenskyys b**... so far?
Because the light cant escape the gravity well...
PS: You can really assume the mass of his b**... indirectly through effect it has on surrounding world.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
An interesting hack
How did the hacker escape the police?
He ransomwhere
I have a friend in prison who is very kind.
Someone asked him to donate his eye, he gave it for free. Someone asked for his kidney, he also gave it for free. Another asked for his hands, he gave them both, free of charge.
My good friend was still willing to donate his legs as well but the Warden didn't approve it.
The Warden said, "That's enough! You think I didn't notice that you are trying to escape piece by piece?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I let go a silent f**... in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...
Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time
A group of apes had locked everyone inside of a Himalayan monastery
Escape was delayed because of the missing monk key.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the n**...
Just as the n**... are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
"Hurricane!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
"Typhoon!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The n**... return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts
"Fire!"
