Escape From Prison Jokes
117 escape from prison jokes and hilarious escape from prison puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about escape from prison that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Escape From Prison Short Jokes
Short escape from prison jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The escape from prison humour may include short escape from jail jokes also.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down. - Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!
- A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
- A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
- I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died. Now I can't escape.
- A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
- It was very easy to escape from prison. The WiFi was so bad that there were zero bars on my cell.
- What do you call a fortune-telling dwarf who's escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
- Did you hear about that Dwarf psychic that just escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.
- While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck. Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
Share These Escape From Prison Jokes With Friends
Escape From Prison One Liners
Which escape from prison one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with escape from prison? I can suggest the ones about prison escape and escaped prison.
- A prison van and a cement truck collided Several hardened criminals escaped
- What's Brown and Black and looks good on an escaped prisoner A German Shepherd
- What does the prisoner press on the computer The escape button
- A few prisoners escaped prison in a car made of bones.. It was a marrow escape.
- How did the Ethiopian escape prison? He squeezed through the bars.
- What do you call a dwarf physic who just escaped prison A small medium at large!
- A man escapes from prison. What are his initials? S. K. P.
- What do you call a goat that escaped prison? A-scapegoat
- Did you hear about the mime that escaped prison? He was silent but deadly
- Why do Jewish prisoners keep escaping from the new prison? Because there's no lox.
- An obese man just escaped from prison... He's currently at extra large.
- A small Irish man escaped from prison today. He's a leprechaun-vict.
- How did "El Chapo" escape prison? Joaquin.
- Chuck Norris had never escape from jail.
Jail escapes from Chuck Norris. - What do you call the prison snitch that keeps escaping your reach? The golden snitch
Escape From Prison Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about escape from prison you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison release jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make escape from prison pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
“Potatoes.”
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...
(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Short armed and dangerous.
Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...
...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.
The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees realize that they'll be caught if they keep on running, and decide to take cover by climbing up separate trees.
The dogs start circling the tree, and jumping up and down around the trunk on the very tree the American has climbed. The guards shout "Come down or we'll shoot!" Thinking quickly, he quickly calls down "who! who!" The German guards say to each other "Das ist eine owl", and call the dogs off.
The dogs follow the trail to the second tree, and the guards call up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Brit calls down "CAW! CAW!!!" The guards say "Ahh. Das ist eine crow".
The guards follow the dogs to the third tree where the Irishman had climbed. Again they called up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Irishman thought for a moment and then called down "Moo! Moo!"
***NOT MINE: ** Shamelessly stolen from an Irish joke book I had as a kid. Yes, I am Irish.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be strong honey.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
A man in prison
A man, who is sentenced to life imprisonment, decides to dig a tunnel to escape. He works for many months on this tunnel, and finally finishes it. He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a preschool playground.
He is surprised, but he rejoices anyway, shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!"
At this a little girl approaches him, puts her hand on her hip, and says, "big deal! I'm four!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking out of prison
One night a fugitive breaks out of a local prison. After his escape he decides to break into a house and rummage for supplies. A couple sleeping in their room panics and the man then breaks into the room. He ties the husband to the bed and the wife to a chair. He goes up to the wife and whispers something in her ear. Then he darts off to some other part of the house.
The husband says "Honey, we need to get out of here, he's going to r**... you!"
she replys "Oh dont worry, he whispered in my ear that he's gay, finds you very attractive and hes going into the bathroom to get some vasoline."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy escape from prision
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
When 3 Women Escape...
A blonde, a brunette, and redhead escape from prison late one night. Closely in pursuit and on their heels are the police. The 3 convicts come to a farm with a dark barn and find empty sacks which they decide to hide in for cover.
The police track the women to the farm and begin to check the barn but come up empty handed. Taking their leave, they notice 3 sacks moving and become curious. "Whaddya say, Hal? We best check these here sacks just in cases theys be hidin in dem."
The officers nudge the first sack, which the brunette has hidden in, and it begins to make noises, "Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!" The polices firmly agree with one another that this sack is just filled with kittens. Upon nudging the second sack, this time with the redhead inside, noise come from it, as well, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!"
"Heck, Stu, these here sacks ain't filled with nothing but farm pets. They's gals done gave us the slip agin!" Just as the officers are taking their leave, they notice the third sack, this one with the blonde in it, wriggling. Eyeing it suspiciously, they nudge it and the sound comes from it saying, "Potatoes!"
Two Mexican Brothers
So two brothers, Ramon and Emelio, escape from a prison deep in the Mexican desert. They run for days and days through the hot and and the heat begins to take its toll. They are getting hungrier and thirstier and, all in all, more and more exhausted.
Suddenly, Ramon collapses. He looks up, reaching out his hand.
"Emelio, look!"
Emelio looks, he sees nothing.
"Ramon, what's wrong? What is it?"
"Look at that tree, Emelio! Bacon sprouts from its branches! We are saved!"
"Ramon, it's just a mirage, there's nothing there!"
Ramon summons up all his strength and runs for the tree, Emelio still protesting that it's nothing but a mirage.
Five prison guards pop up from the sand and fire on Ramon, knocking him to the ground, fatally wounded.
Emelio runs to his brother's side.
"Jesus, Ramon, are you okay?"
"Emelio...it wasn't a bacon tree...it was a hambush"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A convict escapes from prison...
...where he had been held for 15 years. He breaks into a house and finds a couple together in bed. He overpowers the husband and ties him to a chair, and then ties the wife to the bed. While he is tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her and kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the convict is in the bathroom, the husband whispers to his wife,
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in prison and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
She responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and he asked me where the vaseline is. I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A convict imprisoned for 1st degree m**... escaped from prison.
On the run, he broke into a young couple's house and tied each of them up on opposite sides of the room. He went over to the wife and bent over beside her, appearing to be kissing her neck. He suddenly got up and left the room. Quickly, the husband rushed to his wife and whispered, "This guy probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck and he probably wants to have s**... with you. Just cooperate with him and pretend to enjoy it because our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
His wife whispers back, "You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck...he was whispering in my ear. He thinks that you're really cute and asked if there was any l**... in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's some solid advice!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 Brunettes and a Blonde
One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them"
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes "roof roof"
Oh its just a s**... dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes "meow meow"
Oh its just a s**... cat.
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes "POTATOES"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Found this on Facebook hope you like it.
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!
She responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.
It was a heavy winter during Stalin...
It was a heavy winter during Stalin's reign over the Soviet Russia. A married woman went to the city prison to visit her arrested husband and found out that he had been convicted and transferred to a Siberian Gulag and died during the trip.
"How did he die?" she asked.
"Pneumonia" came the answer.
"How? When? Where?"
"It was during the transit. He attempted to escape, jumped out the train and ran away. We weren't able to catch him alive."
"So, how did he die and how do you know he had pneumonia?"
"Well... He was running and got heated, outside was freezing, the bullet was cold..."
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
firing squad
Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a p**..., are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the p**.... He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was driving past the prison the other day...
with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ESCAPED CONVICT
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison
The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them.
In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door.
Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack.
Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in.
the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, "ruff, ruff, ruff!"
"eh, just some puppies" says the warden.
the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears "meow, meow", and says "eh, just some kittens".
So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears "potatoes, potatoes!"
Keep strong!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 convicts escape from prison...
They hear the guards and dogs chasing them so they decide to run up a stand of trees. the guards come to the first tree with the dogs and say "hey! anyone up there?" The convict thinks for a second then goes "meow" the guards thinking its just a cat and continue along with the dogs.
they come up to the second tree and again ask "anyone up there?" to which the convict replies with "c**...-a-doodle-do" and the guards think its just a chicken and continue on.
The guards come up to the third three with the dogs just baying like mad and think they must be nuts but still say "anyone up there?" To which the convict replies "mooo!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I saw a midget escaping from prison with a ladder.
He was a little condescending.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Convict Breaks out of Jail
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!
She responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A midget was escaping prison...
A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending".
What did the gamer say to the fleeing prisoner?
Run! escape!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Did you hear about the prison escape?
Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.
Two escaped prisoners walk into a bar...
Bartender says "Hey, before you guys head home, both of you gotta take a shot!"
How did the man escape from prison?
Well, he rubbed his hands to make them sore,
He used the saw to cut the table in half,
Two halves make a whole,
He jumped into the hole and got out,
Finally he shouted til his voice was hoarse then climbed on the horse and rode back home.
An old one my grandfather told before he died.
Fortune Teller
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large!
3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad
The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.
What do you call a Psychic Midget who escaped from prison?
Framed.
After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.
The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A prisoner escaped..
And snuck inside a house nearby.
The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.
The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.
The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for s**.... I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"
Then the woman replied..
"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"
How did the hipster narco escape from prison?
By going underground
2 Mexicans escape from prison.
"Jésus, take the wheel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Jihadi t**... who just escaped prison?
a free radical..
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up?
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up?
A high low small medium at large.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a Dwarf who had escaped from prison climbing over a chain link fence. As he was climbing down the other side he scowled and stuck his tongue out at me and ran away...
I said to myself "That was a little condescending"
What's the similarity between a lawyer and an escaped prisoner?
They both had to pass the bar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps?
Hah, gulag with that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.
What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison?
Calling all units, we have a small medium at large
This weekend a ghost whispering midget escaped from federal prison
Now there's a small medium at large
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a little person who just escaped prison, and is running down a flight of stairs?
It's a little con-decending..
What do you call a vertically challenged person who's escaped from prison and can commune with the dead?
A small medium at large.
Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail?
It was a runaway success.
Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder...
Two prisoners were escaping down a ladder. While the seasoned prisoner at the top watched for guards, the new prisoner went down the ladder first and slowly. Once the ladder was clear, the seasoned prisoner slid down in just three seconds, then he scolded the new prisoner for being so slow. The new prisoner replied, "Well, look at mister con descending here."
Man in prison
After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escape from their cells on a prison island...
... They sneak past the guards and make it to the shoreline. The mainland is a kilometre away, through dangerous waters.
The brunette, being the bravest, leaves first. She swims as hard as she can, but after only a few hundred meters she becomes exhausted and drowns.
The redhead leaves second. She is smarter and swims more slowly, but just as she passed half way a shark eats her.
The blonde, a natural athlete, embarks on her perilous swim. Miraculously, she avoids all sharks and swims until she is only 50m from the shoreline!
Exhausted, she says, "It's too far, I can't make it!", and swims back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw a midget escaping from prison by climbing down the wall! Half way down, he turned his head and grimaced at me.
I thought: That's a little condescending.
Too guys trying to escape a prison
Last fence they have to jump has bells on it. First guy jumps, touches the wires and the bells ring.
They guard says:- Who goes there?
The guy makes a noise:-Meow!
Guard says: -oh, its just a cat.
Second guy jumps, hits the wires, bells ring.
Guard says: -Who goes there?
Second guy:-Just another cat.