Erm Jokes

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"
"Erm, I don't know" I replied
"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"
"Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"

Pythagoras walks into a bar...

...muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'
The barman says, 'Y, the long face?'

A man is in a job interview..

"So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"
"Absolutely."
"Could you give me an example of that?"
"An example of what?"

Library

So this guy walks into a library. He approaches the librarian and says: I'll have a double whopper, medium fries and a diet coke, please .
The librarian looks puzzled and responds: Erm, sir, you are aware that this is a library...?
The man: *whispers* sorry, so that was a double whopper, medium fries and a diet coke.

Superman has to make a doctor appointment...

The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.
"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."
Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowers his gaze and sighs..
"Doc, this is a little embarrassing but it burns when I see..."

Here's a Gaelic joke translated...

3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they're ready to order.
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.
Poor Vampire: Erm.. just give me cup of hot water. I found a t**... on the way here...
I'll just have tea.

A rich, dumb Husband and wife are taking their first trip on their new Yacht.

They have sailed far from the shore, and the two are sitting in chairs, looking out towards the water.
"Gee, I just love this new Yakt!" The man says.
"Erm... Honey, the "c" is silent." His wife responds.
The man takes a sip from a tall glass, before responding "you're right, it's very tranquil."

Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...

Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.

For tentative people there's no place like "erm".