erection Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious erection puns

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

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My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

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I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.

I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But.....she did.

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I fought an erection this morning

Beat it single handed.

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My wife told me to go to the doctor and get those pills that "help" with an erection...

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.

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I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"...

But she did

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Erect your ears for this one

A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills

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I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

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Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.

Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an erection.
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an erection.

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As he inserted the rectal thermometer [nsfw]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

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What does Melania call it when Donald takes Viagra?

A rigged erection.

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I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?

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What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

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Solution to erection problems

I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.

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Had a fight with an erection today...

I beat it single handedly.

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What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

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I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...

the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.

"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure."

"I don't have an erection', I responded.

Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."

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NSFW Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo..

As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.
"What's that, Mommy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.
A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mommy said it was nothing."
"Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

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The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills.

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I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl.

I thought to myself, Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection . But she did.

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Saw a beautiful Thai woman on the train today...

kept thinking, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, but then she did.

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Hot Thai girl

I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

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Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche.

(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

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I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

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The Word Election and Erection Are Spelt Similarly. They also have the same meaning

A dick rising to power!

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A Mexican with a raging erection walks into a wall. What part hits the wall first?

The lawnmower.

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I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

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Who are the most homo-erotic pop group at Hogwarts?

Wand Erection.

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Physical Examination Time!

A man goes to the doctor to get a full physical examination. At one point the doctor asks him to remove his pants and underwear and then proceeds to examine the man's balls. Whilst fondling the man's balls, the doctor says "It's perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure". The man, a little puzzled, says "I don't have an erection", to which the doctor replies, "I do".

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Viagra side effect.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

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A man and his son are sitting, naked, on a couch...

... and the little boy asks, "Dad why are our penises different?"

The father replies, "Firstly, son, you don't have an erection."

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What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

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New Prostate Exam Joke

A man goes to the doctor for his first prostate exam. While the Doctor is performing the exam, he says to the patient, " Don't be embarassed, its common for men to get an erection during this part of the exam".

The patient answers "I don't have an erection"

The Doctor replies "I know, I do"

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What's the same about an election and an erection?

They're only one letter different, and both are about a dick rising to power.

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What are the most funny Erection jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Erection? Well, here are the best Erection dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Erection pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes