Erection Jokes

What are some Erection jokes?

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.

I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But.....she did.

I fought an erection this morning

Beat it single handed.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"...

But she did

Erect your ears for this one

A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills

I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.

Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an erection.
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an erection.

As he inserted the rectal thermometer [nsfw]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

Had a fight with an erection today...

I beat it single handedly.

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing erection.

I just wish it had been mine.

I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...

the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.

"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure."

"I don't have an erection', I responded.

Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills.

I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl.

I thought to myself, Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection . But she did.

Saw a beautiful Thai woman on the train today...

kept thinking, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, but then she did.

Hot Thai girl

I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche.

(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

A Mexican with a raging erection walks into a wall. What part hits the wall first?

The lawnmower.

I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

Who are the most homo-erotic pop group at Hogwarts?

Wand Erection.

What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

A man and his son are sitting, naked, on a couch...

... and the little boy asks, "Dad why are our penises different?"

The father replies, "Firstly, son, you don't have an erection."

New Prostate Exam Joke

A man goes to the doctor for his first prostate exam. While the Doctor is performing the exam, he says to the patient, " Don't be embarassed, its common for men to get an erection during this part of the exam".

The patient answers "I don't have an erection"

The Doctor replies "I know, I do"

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers?

My erection

I got into a fight with my erection this morning.

I beat it single handedly.

What's a Hogwarts student's favourite boy band? [NSFW]

Wand Erection.

What do you call an erection at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

Hiding an erection isn't as easy as you may think...

It's harder than it looks...

I was on the train this afternoon...

when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.

I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an erection, please don't get an erection". But she did.

During my prostate exam, the doctor told me it was completely normal to get an erection.

When I pointed out I didn't have one he said he wasn't talking about me.

My evening wouldn't normally start out with an erection...

..but my morning wood.

I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an erection

He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face.

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

The hottest girl sat next to me on the train today...

I kept thinking to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection".

But she did.

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an erection that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage...

the masseuse replied, "not at all it happens all the time."
So i said, "well do you mind keeping it out of my face."

An undertaker comes home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection .Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."

at the proctologist

I was at the doctor, getting the digital rectal exam, and the doctor says: "At this point of the exam it is normal to get an erection". I said"I don't have an erection". The doctor says "No. But I do".

So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.

Permanent erection

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."

Why was old Bilbo's body found with a massive erection?

Because old hobbits die hard.

Gorilla Encounter

Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

It's awkward when you get an erection during a prostate exam

And they realize you're not a doctor.

I got on the bus and sat down next to this really sexy Thai chick.

All I could think to myself was "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection." And then she did.

I sat next to this attractive Thai girl on the train...

I kept thinking *don't get an erection*,*don't get an erection*, but she did.

Wrong Erection.

went to the doctor for a prostate exam....

while examening me the doctor said;"some men can get an erection during this exam",

i repleyed; "not me"

Doctor;" i wasn't talking about you!"

Proctologist

A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an erection."

The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*."

What do you call an Eskimo dwarf with a raging erection?

A frigid midget with a rigid digit

What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall?

A broken nose, i will sit in the corner now.

Doctor: Its perfectly normal to have an erection during a prostate exam!

Me: But I don't have one.

Doctor: But I do!!!

What happened to the Asian man that walked into a wall with an erection?

He broke his glasses.

Two midgets walk into a brothel.

Determined to get their freak on, they are put in rooms adjoining each other.

The first one walks in to find a beautiful woman naked and willing on the bed. He tries all night to get an erection but fails miserably, meanwhile hearing his mate in the next room going "1, 2, 3, urgh. 1, 2, 3, urgh".

Annoyed that his mate is getting it on in such great fashion, he gives up and goes to sleep.

In the morning he wakes up, leaves the room and bumps into his mate on the lobby. His mate asks him how his night was. "Oh it was terrible, I spent all night trying to get an erection and failed. What about you?" he replies "You think you had a bad night? I spent all night trying to get on the bed!"

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

Why isn't North Korea democratic?

Because Kim Jung Un doesn't want a public erection

Life is like an erection...

The more you think about it, the harder it gets.

Why was the asian politician so upset to get caught with a prostitute?

Because he lost the erection!

Man goes to the pharmacy........

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses.

Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in naked with a bag over his head...

He waves his erection around and streaks out again.

"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.

"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.

"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.

What is it called when an alligator can't get an erection?

A reptile dysfunction

How to make Erection jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Erection to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Erection? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Erection pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes