Er Doctor Jokes
17 er doctor jokes and hilarious er doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about er doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Er Doctor Short Jokes
Short er doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The er doctor humour may include short medical doctor jokes also.
- What's the difference between an ER doctor and an editor? One has patients with comas, the other has patience with commas.
- A man is brought into the ER, yelling out gibberish. "0x0048 0x0045 0x004c 0x0050 0x0032 0x004d 0x0045 0x0021"
The doctor took one look at him and said, "Someone has put a hex on this man." - Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end? Doctors say his condition is stable.
Share These Er Doctor Jokes With Friends
Er Doctor One Liners
Which er doctor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with er doctor? I can suggest the ones about doctor specialist and heart doctor.
- ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here? PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!
The Funniest Er Doctor Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about er doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean optometrist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make er doctor pranks.
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was working in the ER today
This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your n**...". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.
She's waiting.
She's waiting...
The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"
The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...
He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An very obese woman goes to the ER complaining about stomach pains
The nurse checks her in and takes her vitals. She asks if she's s**... actively, the patient says No
A while later the doctor comes in to do a pelvic exam and notices a baby's head crowning. He calls for labor and delivery and exasperated, asks the woman I thought you said you weren't s**... active?!
She replies I'm not, I just lay there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER.
When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!"
The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into the ER
And the doctor asks "whats the problem?".
The man replies "Well sir, I seem to have slipped and accidentally fell onto this ketchup bottle and its definitely stuck in there. Can you help?"
The doctor looks at the patient, twists the bottle and it pops rather quickly. The doctor stares for a moment and simply says "Now explain the c**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was admitted to the ER with suspicion of having a s**...
But the doctor told me not to worry, it was all just in my head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but goodie.
My buddy and I were out hunting one afternoon. He decided he had to take a dump, so he dripped his pants and squatted down. while he was taking care of business a rattlesnake slithered up behind him and bit him on the head of his tally wacker.
He jumbed up with both hands wrapped around it and yelled I've been bit call the doctor. I called the dr and explained about the bite and that we were at least 45 mins from our truck and another hour from the hospital. He got quiet and said " All U can do for him now is to take ur knife out and cut an "x" in each hole and s**... the venom out and get him here asap". I thought for a second and asked 'What if I don't do that what happens?". He replied back "He will die. So get ur knife out and get after it. I will be waiting for u here at the ER." and he hung up.
My buddy looked at me with his tally wacker in his hands about to squeeze it in half and asked " WHAT DID HE SAY???!!!!"
I looked him straight in the eye and told him "He said Ur ging to die".
Two with sausage and meatballs, two without
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."
Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"