Equal Jokes
157 equal jokes and hilarious equal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about equal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article examines the current state of equal jokes in the workplace, from the perspective of both employers and employees. It discusses the need for equal pay and opportunity, as well as the drawbacks of subtracting such jokes from the workplace. The article further examines the underlying causes for the continued existence of these jokes, and offers potential solutions.
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Funniest Equal Short Jokes
Short equal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The equal humour may include short equivalent jokes also.
- Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value? For example: 5 equals 5, but
5! equals 120. - My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
- Tuna must age about five times faster than humans. This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
- Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
- My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids. That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- How can you tell you're playing poker with a feminist? They'll insist that Kings and Queens have equal value.
- When God created women... He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."
Ironically he made the Earth round. - How will we truly reach gender equality? By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
- To further gender equality, I think it's time we have our first transgendered superheroes. The Ex-Men.
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Equal One Liners
Which equal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with equal? I can suggest the ones about exact and similar.
- Do you know 10+10 is equal to 11+11? 10+10 is twenty, 11+11 is twenty two
- Feminists just want to be treated equally To the pretty ones.
- what does 18 + 15 equal? Jail time
- What does 69 plus 69 equal ? Dinner for 4
- May the force be... ... Equal to Mass times Acceleration.
- If your debits and credits don't equal, then your assets in jail.
- I treat both brown and white rice equally. I'm not riceist.
- 3+3 doesn't equal 3 But 3+3 = 3!
- Everybody should be treated equally It doesn't matter if you're black, yellow or normal.
- A man works hard to name an interval equal to 24 hours. so he calls it a day.
- When does one plus one equal three? Nine months later.
- Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama? They both lick their paw.
- What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base? Net neutrality.
- Judge: "How do you explain your actions?" "Basic math. 2 times 9 equals 18"
- i just feel like a B+ should equal an A- just like how an Ab is a G#
Equal Rights Jokes
Here is a list of funny equal rights jokes and even better equal rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shakespeare was able to write with either his left or right hand equally well... He was iambidextrous.
- Equal Rights for Duplicates Clones are People Two!
- I'm not a fan of Nascar... I believe in equal rights.
- What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements? A chemenist!
- If women are fighting for equal rights... Then why, as a man, do I get judged when shopping for bras?
- "You know the newest cars drive themselves. And they found that by turning an equal amount left and right, you end up going straight." "I swear, officer."
- I think that most opinions can be viewed equally. And I'm right about that!
- When women talk about equal rights.
- Trump Executive Order #16 Trump: From now on, 2+2 will equal 5.
Reuters: But that can't be right, 2+2=4. We proved that, too!
Trump: You can say 2+2=4, but this is alternative math. - I support equal rights Equal rights = Equal fights
Equal Opportunity Jokes
Here is a list of funny equal opportunity jokes and even better equal opportunity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Satan's not all bad. He's an equal opportunity employer.
- Democracy is when everybody has an equal opportunity Wolves can eat sheep, sheep can eat wolves.
- Of course our company is an equal opportunity employer We always make sure to have equal numbers of X and Y chromosomes
- It is important to keep the internet free and open So everyone has equal opportunity to misdiagnose themselves on WebMD
Equal Pay Jokes
Here is a list of funny equal pay jokes and even better equal pay puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Equal pay for women is not where it needs to be. Whatever beyonce is making, I want that.
Twitter @caredee - My wife wants pay equality.... I told her I would do 1 better and gave her $1 to mow the grass.
- Men and women, in the year 2014, are becoming more and more equal But pay-grade wise, there is still a vas deferens between them
Quirky and Hilarious Equal Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about equal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean likewise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make equal pranks.
FREE HONG KONG
*with purchase of a Hong Kong of equal or lesser value.
This year I vow to be twice the husband and father that I have been
I'm gonna spend equal time with my secret family in Connecticut
Pythagoras walks into a bar...
...muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'
The barman says, 'Y, the long face?'
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody.
No matter how s**... they are or how superior I am to them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One hundred year old man propositions a p**......
A 100 year old man propositions a p**... on the street. She is doubtful he can even get it up but she takes him to a motel room, undresses and hops in bed.
The old man shuffles to the foot of the bed and pulls out a cotton ball and a c**.... He tears the cotton ball into four equal pieces, methodically putting one piece in each nostril, and one piece in each ear.
Before he puts the last piece of cotton in his ear, the p**..., asks him, Honey, why did you put that cotton in your nose and ears?
The old man put the last bit of cotton in his ear and started strapping on the c**... and then replied to her question, There are few things I can't abide, one is the smell of burning rubber, and the other is the sound of a screaming woman!
comment: this may be a common joke. I don't tell them much or collect them. It's 20 years old at least. Heard it when I was 17.
Just after the apartheid ...
A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.
So, this driver explained it to its passengers :
"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."
Two magicians walk into a bakery
The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."
What did the 8 say to the D?
Where did all these equals come from?
What did the hippie say about all of the math problems?
They're all, like, equal to me...
Why were there no feminists in Communist China?
Because everyone had equal rice.
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
when is 'cold' equal to 'clean'?
when it comes to toilet seats and strangers
Timbuktu
Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about "Timbuktu".
The priest began:
"I was a father, all my life,
had no children, had no wife.
I read the Bible, through and through.
On my way to Timbuktu."
Then the Australian told his version:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two!"
Ferguson, MO
In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal.
Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics
after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.
johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"
johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"
johnny responded "well, not necessarily."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Force equal to?
Double p**..., with respect to time.
(F=d**.../dt)
I'll see myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.
Because I wasn't wearing a c**....
Free Palestine!
With purchase of equal or greater value.
Princess Diana goes to heaven...
Princess Diana goes to heaven and meets St. Peter. He says to her: Here in heaven we are all equal, so you need to take off the crown. She replies: This is not a crown, it's a rim
Islam gives Women EQUAL Rights!
She doesn't follow Newton's law
I give her a stare but she doesn't give me an equal and opposite reaction
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sure women want equal rights, but are they willing to f#c**... for them.
SJWs have called for the symbols < and > to be banned from math.
Because all numbers are equal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Feminism Joke
Man: So what do you want?
Feminist: I want equal rights and liberties as men.
Man: I couldn't agree with you more... because if I did, you would have a problem with that.
When did 888 equal zero????
When Eight ate eight
For every action, there is an equal and opposite...
This post is not longer available due to a trademark claim by Fine Brothers Entertainment.
What do Trump and Sanders have in common?
They both have an equal chance of winning the Democratic nomination.
So a Math Major goes in for a job interview...
.... and when he does the man interviewing him asks him to tell him about himself.
The Math Major stuttered and didn't really know how to respond so the man says "tell me about yourself, give me any qualities."
So the Math Major immediately replies "greater than, less than, or equal to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies show unprotected s**... has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer.
The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius.
What does 36+16 equal to?
A prison sentence.
Why do older polygons make sure their sides all stay an equal length?
It keeps you regular.
Why did the integer stop multiplying with other integers of equal value?
He was Squared Straight.
Our maths teacher told us that sin(x) is equal to x+x³ /3!+.... Someone asked how its derived.
cos(x)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts
Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, "Do you also want a piece?"
Pi and -7 walks into a bar
They both ordered drinks.
" I identify as a fraction!" said Pi
"You cannot be a fraction" said -7
"I can identify as a letter if I want, I can be an equal sign if I
want!!! Don't tell me who to be! You are so negative."
-7 sighed, took a sip of his drink and said "you irrational number"
What would you call Hispanics if everyone in the world were completely equal?
Equatinos
A math teacher was lecturing his class
Suddenly, the professor popped a question,'What is ((353.44634×153×15)+799²-285)×69-0.2 equal to?'
The students were really confused, one who was extremely frustrated stands up and yells and slams on his table,'NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN!' The teacher was impressed and said,' Correct, now you can sit down, Adolf.'
All else being equal...
A fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What Egyptian King called for equal f**... rights for all?
Toot-in-common
What do you get when you cross a Marxist with a Socialist?
Two people who generally feel that the value of a commodity is equal to its socially necessary labor time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
General Motors finally solved their workplace diversity dilemma
There are equal numbers of black, white, brown, red, yellow, and orange robots. Half the robots have p**... drawn on them.
In what world does 75 cents equal a dollar?
Canada.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was recently asked how I view l**....
Apparently "as equal females" is not the right answer.
What's the difference between a Tupperware store and the gay male community?
In a Tupperware store, there's an equal number of tops and bottoms
My wife asked me how she looked
I told her that she was a 10/10 and she hugged me, i had to inform her that 10/10 is still equal to 1
If I had a dollar for every promise a politician fulfilled
The debt would equal my uninsured hospital bill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there no equality in domestic a**...?
Someone always has the upper hand.
Three squirrels were sitting on animal hides...
The first squirrel was sitting on a rabbit hide and weighed one pound. The second squirrel was sitting on a wolf hide and weighed two pounds. And the third squirrel was sitting on a hippopotamus hide and weighed three pounds. This proves that the squirrel on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squirrels on the other two hides.
Why is it called Red Square called Red Square when it is shaped like a rectangle?
Because in Soviet Russia, all sides are equal.
God is talking with the presidents.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
What's the name of the place where you always get back an equal amount of what you give?
ReciproCity!
A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.
But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.
The problem, she said, is that's a piece of prime real estate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All dogs look up to you
All cats look down to you.
Only a pig looks to you as an equal.
They say every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Apparently nobody told my girlfriend
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals who haven't had a decent meal in some time catch a neighboring tribesman in the jungle.
After discussing how to keep things fair, they decide that one should start at the feet and the other at the head to make sure they get an equal amount.
A few minutes into the meal, the cannibal who started at the head asks, "How's it going down there?"
"I'm having a ball!" says the other one.
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" says the first. "You're eating too fast!"
If 7 equals C and 9 equals E. What does 8 equal?
8=D
hehe
I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner
I hope a year is long enough to find one.
Don't worry. You're not the biggest loser.
Because all zeroes are equal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Newton's third law of motion
states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore, if you are having s**... with a woman without her consent, she is equally having s**... with you without your consent, both cancelling eachother out and making r**... legal.
1 does not equal zero,
1 = 0!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Said no r**... ever
Dad! I got number one in class
Because 24/24 equal to 1
