entrance Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious entrance puns

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

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I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

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A man walks into a bar and spies two lovely women sitting by the entrance...

As he walks towards the bar, he sees one tap the other shoulder and point at him. She looks him up and down and says "9", followed by giggling. The man goes over to his buddy and boasts that the two lovely ladies by the entrance had said he was a 9.

"Yeah, sorry man, but when I walked in they were speaking German."

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A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the throat. A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"

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Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.

The rest ended up in Congress.

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Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

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Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.



One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."



Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

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A shopkeeper was dismayed...

when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS! To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading LOWEST PRICES! He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, MAIN ENTRANCE.

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A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"

He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"

But then an idea struck him!

The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"

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An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets

P N E I S

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.

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The Pearly Gates and the Brothers




Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive.



St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."



St. Pete goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.



God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"



St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."



"Who. The black guys?" asked God.



"No. The Gates."

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A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

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A rich man and a horse

There was a rich man that was driving past a farm, He looked over and saw a beautiful stallion standing in the field. The rich man thought, Wow I gotta have him so he pulled into the farm's entrance. He found the owner and said, "I want that horse out yonder in that field, how much do you want for him?" Well, the farmer said, "He don't look to good." Nonsense said the rich man "I'll pay you $1000 for him." But he don't look to good said the farmer. The rich man sighed and said $2000 dollars is my final offer. The farmer sold the beautiful horse to the rich man. Then one week later the rich man came back angry as ever and said, "Darn you you sold me a blind horse!" Then the farmer smiled and said "I told you, he didn't look too good!"

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Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house smack bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.

He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."

So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.

He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.

When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.


As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"

To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."

Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

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A poor farmer came to the Parliament house

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.

The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.

This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here

The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it

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Yo mamma so old,

she has a separate entrance for black dicks.

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A man decides to open up a business...

Sadly, he is located right between two other shops in the same line of business he wishes to enter. To his left, a large sign reads "Smith and Co.", to his right theres "Winstons Finest". So, after a bit of pondering, he decides to name his shop "Main Entrance"

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An old woman joins a gang.

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

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The three nuns

there were four nuns in waiting at the entrance to heaven. god appears and says "confess your sins and you may enter this holy place", so the first nun says "i once saw a penis". so god says "fear not, wash your eyes in this bowl of holy water and enter". so she washed her eyes and carried on. The second nun steps up and says "i once touched a penis", so god says "fear not, wash your hands in this bowl of holy water and enter". so she washed her hands and carried on. suddenly the fourth nun ran front the third nun and god said "sister, why are you racing to the front of the line?". and the nun said "i am not drinking the same water she washed her ass with."

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Pleasing Women

Three women go on vacation to an extravagant resort.
Upon arrival, the manager tells them, "we actually just opened a new building for single women, such as yourself! It has four stories, and you get to choose one of which you will stay in. Each floor has different types of men, and there will be signs at the entrance to each story, telling you what types you will find."

Figuring that it would be a fun adventure, they agree to these terms.

The women get to the first floor of the building. The sign reads "The Men on This Floor are Short, Pale, and Ugly".

Not seeing a reason why they would want to stay there, they proceed to the next floor, where they see a sign that reads "All Men on This Floor Are Average In Every Sense".

They begin to see a trend, and proceed to the next floor, wondering if their luck will improve.

The sign on the third floor reads "All Men on This Floor Are Tall, Dark, and Stunningly Handsome".

The women begin to get excited. They realize that this would be a wonderful floor to stay on, but curiosity gets the best of them, so they press on to the fourth and final floor.

Upon arrival to the last floor, they find a sign that reads
"There are no men on this floor. This floor was built with the sole purpose of proving that there is no way to please a woman."

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How do you pass the Isis entrance exam?

I don't know about you, I bombed it.

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So there is an Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Greek...

...and they are standing before Satan and the entrance to Hell. Satan says he will give them all one more chance to live and then possibly go to heaven, but at the first sign of sin, the will be sent back to Hell.

So they are all sent back to Earth. They are walking down a street, when they see a pub. The Irishman says
"Ah well, one beer can't hurt!"
So he goes in, orders a Guinness, and takes a sip:
*POOF!*
The Irishman disappears.

The Scotsman and the Greek continue walking down the street dressed in their stereotypical clothes, you know the Scotsman has got the whole kilt thing going on. So they come across this old lady who has her purse out on a bench, and then the wind comes, and blows over her purse, and bills come out flying everywhere.
The Scotsman can't resist, so he bends over to pick it up and:
*POOF!*
The Greek disappears.

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Three moles are in a hole,

when one of them smells something.

The mole sticks his head up out of the hole and says,
"I smell pancakes!"

A second mole hears him and sticks his head out of the same hole and says,
"I smell pancakes too!"

The third mole scurries to investigate, but is stuck behind the other moles already in the entrance.
"All I smell is molasses!"

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4 Nuns get in a car accident and die...

When they get to Heaven, they are greeted by St. Peter. He tells them they must be pure before they can gain entrance to Heaven.
He asks the first one "Have you ever touched a penis?" She sheepishly replies yes, she touched one with the tip of her finger. St. Peter tells her she must dip her finger in the holy water before she can enter. He then turns to the second one and asks the same question. She becomes quite embarrassed and admits to giving her boyfriend in High School a hand job. St. Peter tells her that she must rinse her hand in the holy water before entering.
Turning to the third nun, he asks the same question. But before she can answer, the fourth one shoves her aside yelling, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! There is no way that I am gargling that holy water after she rinses her ass in it!"

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A smart man was walking his dog, when he noticed a bar and wanted to have a drink...

At the entrance there was a sign though which said: **No animals. Service dogs only!**

Considering that his dog was a Chihuahua, the guy thought of a genius idea...

He walked in the bar and the moment he entered, the bartender said "uh excuse me sir, service animals ONLY!"

The man responded "Yes, this is a seeing-eye dog."

Bartender replied "You really expect me to believe a Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog lmao?! Gtfo!!"

Man responded "WHAT?! THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!"

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How I Nearly Became A Doctor

How I Nearly Became A Doctor



When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.



One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.



Those who answered spine are doctors today.

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Italian restaurant.

I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance.

I couldn't get pasta.

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Guy goes to Hell...

The Devil meets him at the entrance and says that though he is stuck in Hell forever, he will let the man choose one of three rooms to be in for eternity.
When the man opened the first door, he saw a bunch of people in a giant pot of boiling water. He decides to see what's behind door number two. Upon entering, he sees people taking turns dropping large rocks on each others bare feet. The man decides to see his final option before making a decision so he enters the third room. It is just a bunch of people standing waste deep in a pool of crap. The man decides that thought it stinks worse than anything he's ever smelled, it seemed to be the best of the choices he was given.
He tells the Devil that he will take room three and the Devil directs the man to his new home in the pool. After settling in, the Devil says "OK everyone, the break time is over, back on your heads."

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How I Got Fired From Wal-Mart..

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day….

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.

Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

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After landing my new job...

After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here's what happened:

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance
.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart."

I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be fucking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."


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pray

A guy is late for an important meeting.
But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church
every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. Found one!"

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There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful and I smell... I think I smell pancakes! With syrup and blueberry!

So Ma Mole comes out into the doorway and says, "You're right! I can smell... Eggs! Eggs and Bacon with crispy toast! Junior, you must smell this!"

So Junior gets up and tries to squeeze between the two big moles. He tries and tries, but finds himself wedged between their backsides.

"Junior!" Ma says, "What do you smell?"

"I don't know" he replies, "All I can smell is molasses!"

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What do you call an entrance to a brothel?

Hodor.

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When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:
 

P  N  E  I  S
 

The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.
 

Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.

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A supermarket greeter gets a new job at Asda

About two hours into his first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. He said pleasantly, Good morning and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?
So he replied, I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda .

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What are the most funny Entrance jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Entrance? Well, here are the best Entrance dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Entrance pick up lines to share with friends.

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