Entrance Jokes

What are some Entrance jokes?

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

A man walks into a bar and spies two lovely women sitting by the entrance...

As he walks towards the bar, he sees one tap the other shoulder and point at him. She looks him up and down and says "9", followed by giggling. The man goes over to his buddy and boasts that the two lovely ladies by the entrance had said he was a 9.

"Yeah, sorry man, but when I walked in they were speaking German."

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the throat. A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"

What do you call a $1000 door?

A grand entrance

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.

The rest ended up in Congress.

Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.



One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."



Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

A shopkeeper was dismayed...

when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS! To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading LOWEST PRICES! He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, MAIN ENTRANCE.

A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"

He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"

But then an idea struck him!

The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"

An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets

P N E I S

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.

The Pearly Gates and the Brothers




Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive.



St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."



St. Pete goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.



God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"



St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."



"Who. The black guys?" asked God.



"No. The Gates."

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

A rich man and a horse

There was a rich man that was driving past a farm, He looked over and saw a beautiful stallion standing in the field. The rich man thought, Wow I gotta have him so he pulled into the farm's entrance. He found the owner and said, "I want that horse out yonder in that field, how much do you want for him?" Well, the farmer said, "He don't look to good." Nonsense said the rich man "I'll pay you $1000 for him." But he don't look to good said the farmer. The rich man sighed and said $2000 dollars is my final offer. The farmer sold the beautiful horse to the rich man. Then one week later the rich man came back angry as ever and said, "Darn you you sold me a blind horse!" Then the farmer smiled and said "I told you, he didn't look too good!"

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house smack bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.

He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."

So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.

He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.

When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.


As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"

To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."

Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Yo mamma so old,

she has a separate entrance for black dicks.

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.

The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.

This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here

The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it

A man decides to open up a business...

Sadly, he is located right between two other shops in the same line of business he wishes to enter. To his left, a large sign reads "Smith and Co.", to his right theres "Winstons Finest". So, after a bit of pondering, he decides to name his shop "Main Entrance"

An old woman joins a gang.

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

How do you pass the Isis entrance exam?

I don't know about you, I bombed it.

Pleasing Women

Three women go on vacation to an extravagant resort.
Upon arrival, the manager tells them, "we actually just opened a new building for single women, such as yourself! It has four stories, and you get to choose one of which you will stay in. Each floor has different types of men, and there will be signs at the entrance to each story, telling you what types you will find."

Figuring that it would be a fun adventure, they agree to these terms.

The women get to the first floor of the building. The sign reads "The Men on This Floor are Short, Pale, and Ugly".

Not seeing a reason why they would want to stay there, they proceed to the next floor, where they see a sign that reads "All Men on This Floor Are Average In Every Sense".

They begin to see a trend, and proceed to the next floor, wondering if their luck will improve.

The sign on the third floor reads "All Men on This Floor Are Tall, Dark, and Stunningly Handsome".

The women begin to get excited. They realize that this would be a wonderful floor to stay on, but curiosity gets the best of them, so they press on to the fourth and final floor.

Upon arrival to the last floor, they find a sign that reads
"There are no men on this floor. This floor was built with the sole purpose of proving that there is no way to please a woman."

Three moles are in a hole,

when one of them smells something.

The mole sticks his head up out of the hole and says,
"I smell pancakes!"

A second mole hears him and sticks his head out of the same hole and says,
"I smell pancakes too!"

The third mole scurries to investigate, but is stuck behind the other moles already in the entrance.
"All I smell is molasses!"

How I Nearly Became A Doctor

How I Nearly Became A Doctor



When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.



One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.



Those who answered spine are doctors today.

Italian restaurant.

I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance.

I couldn't get pasta.

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful and I smell... I think I smell pancakes! With syrup and blueberry!

So Ma Mole comes out into the doorway and says, "You're right! I can smell... Eggs! Eggs and Bacon with crispy toast! Junior, you must smell this!"

So Junior gets up and tries to squeeze between the two big moles. He tries and tries, but finds himself wedged between their backsides.

"Junior!" Ma says, "What do you smell?"

"I don't know" he replies, "All I can smell is molasses!"

What do you call a thousand dollar door?

A grand entrance.

What do you call an entrance to a brothel?

Hodor.

When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:
 

P  N  E  I  S
 

The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.
 

Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.

I hit the gym today.

Broke my hand on the entrance doors.

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out" ... so we snuck in through the rear entrance

Men entrance to Heaven

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven,God appeared and said,"I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St.Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line for men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Mole family and farmer Davis

There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis.

One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin.

Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the entrance and whiffed!

"It's so good" he exclaimed.

He called his wife , Mama mole to come smell it too.
She then scurried up the mole hole next to papa mole and smelled the chicken.

"It IS so good" said mama mole.

Papa mole then called to their child, baby mole to come and smell the chicken.

Baby mole made his way over to the hole but couldn't get up to the entrance since mama and papa mole were blocking the way.

He was scampering around trying to smell the chicken and getting frustrated, finally papa mole called down asking "can you smell the chicken?" .

Baby mole then replied in a heat "No, all I can smell is Molasses!"

Racist St. Peter

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive.


St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.


God says to Peter:

"How many times do I have to tell you?
You can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved.
All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.


He returns to God's chambers and says, Well, they're gone."

The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.

"No. The Pearly Gates."

I told my girlfriend that we could either see a movie or have sex

She said the movie was closed and she was on her period, so I decided to sneak in through the rear entrance

True Story

The Husband Store:

A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.



PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have their own money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Desperate for money, I robbed a bank today. My heart sank when I heard a voice boom, "This is the police! We have all the exits surrounded, so come out with your hands up!"

I escaped through the entrance...

So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...

The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"

Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in the door. "How lovely! It smells like waffles and hot jam! "

The baby is trying to grab a spot at the door as well, but his parents are blocking the whole entry. After a couple minutes of futility, the baby mole sits down and says "Well, all I smell is Molasses."

C, E, and G walk into a bar, just as E took a half step down the entrance

The bartender shouted, "NO MINORS ALLOWED!!"

So a Biologist, Physicist, and Mathematician are asked to observe a phenomena.

A Biologist, Physicist, and Mathematician are asked to observe a phenomena. The sit down in front of a door, they inspect the room on the other side and conclude that there is no exit other than the entrance. They then watch as one person enters the room, and then later, two persons exit.

The Biologist, puzzled at first, concludes that the only rational conclusion is the person reproduced.

The Physicist, first assuming there was no error in observation, states that there must be some new physics inside the room.

The Mathematician in deep thought says, "I don't know, but if we have another person enter the room, it should be empty!"

Entrance to Heaven

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. In order to get in, he tells them, you must each produce something representative of the holidays.

The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. This represents a candle of hope. Impressed, Peter lets him in.

The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. These are bells. He's allowed in too.

So, Peter says to the third man, what do you have?

The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.

What do these have to do with Christmas? asks Peter.

They're Carol's.

Nearly became a Doctor

Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.

When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet!

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

The entrance exam for medical college had just one question

if a young woman faints ,the first thing you need to do is to feel her PU_S_ .










Those who answered PULSE , passed and the rest are reading this joke

The Carpenter came around the other day...

He made an amazing entrance!

What do you call the entrance to a prostitute's house?

Hodor.

You know what they say;

Your body is a temple, make sure you charge people for entrance.

So an engaged couple die in a car crash...

A very tragic occasion merely a week before their wedding, they were sorely missed by their family. Shortly after their deaths, they meed St. Peter, guarding the pearly entrance to heaven. They were both good people, led fulfilling lives, and so he has no problem letting them in to heaven, and even states that they are free to live together in heaven, encouraging them to get married. After a few days of life there, free of their earthly problems, they decide they want to take up the offer and seal the bond. They have several days of happiness, have great sex, and love each-others company. However after a few days, they get kinda bored, and decide to ask St. Peter for a new TV. Peter grants them their wish, telling them:

"This is Heaven, you can have whatever you want!"

So they watch their new TV happily together for several days, until they find that they, once again are bored. They decide on sports, and return to St. Peter. They tell him they want to get basketball lessons. He agrees, and after searching for several days, finds a basketball player to teach them to play. They have tons of fun playing basketball together for a while, until they get bored and realize that they just arent for each other. They return to St. Peter with the request to get divorced. He says

"Gee, thats kinda tough. It was hard enough finding a basketball player, I doubt theres 1 lawyer up here!"

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.

What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.

Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.

An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly suicide charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized bombing strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.

For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.

Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.

What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.

Two Monks Are Copying Ancient Texts

One of the monks begins to wonder, what if the original texts had entirely different meanings because of other monks' mistakes in their translations over the years? They decide to go find some of the original texts and find out.

One of the monks ventures into the catacombs to find one of the texts. The other monk waits outside the entrance. He waits for about an hour and begins to wonder where the other monk is. He ventures in to find out.

He hears sobbing, and moves towards the sound. He sees the other monk sitting on the ground, crying, with a book opened in his lap. He asks him why he is crying, to which he replies,

"they meant to say *celebrate!*"

Walking on stage to a round of applause is a lot like foreplay.

Both involve a warm hand on my entrance.

Satan in Church!

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

"Yep." was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?!" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me? "

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

I was robbing a shop last week in Alabama

When I heard a loud speaker "Its the police, we have all the exits covered, so come out with your hands up "....
I escaped through the entrance. Not too bright, Americans

What do you call an entrance to a whorehouse ?

HODOR

I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.

I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.

I invited an architect to my party last night

He made the best entrance I've ever seen.

I told my wife, We can either have sex, or see Deadpool.

But I'm on my period, and Deadpool is sold out, she replied.

So we snuck in through the rear entrance.

'This is the 5th same movie ticket you've bought tonight Sir, Why please?'

'The Idiot at the entrance keeps tearing it'

How to make Entrance jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Entrance to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Entrance? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Entrance pick up lines to share with friends.

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