Entitled Jokes
56 entitled jokes and hilarious entitled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about entitled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Entitled Short Jokes
Short entitled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The entitled humour may include short obliged jokes also.
- Just got scammed out of $15. Bought tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
- Have you had to walk 500 miles and then you been advised to walk 500 more? You could be entitled to compensation.
Call Pro Claimers now. - Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"
- People say Millennials are entitled... but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?
- Have you had to walk 500 miles? Were you encouraged to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation
Call the pro claimers now - Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation.
- An anti-vaxxer, an entitled woman, and a Karen walk into a bar She demands to speak to the manager
- Have you been wearing your glasses while wearing a facemask? If so, you might be entitled to condensation.
- You may be entitled to... Has Covid19 forced you to wear glasses & a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation! - *class action lawsuit* If COVID has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses… you may be entitled to condensation.
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Entitled One Liners
Which entitled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with entitled? I can suggest the ones about owed and claimed.
- What are Karen's favorite candy? Entitle-mints
- En Sorry, I know, this post is Entitled.
- I don't have a sense of entitlement... but I deserve one.
- Entitlement jokes are terrible. Because they never include me.
- PSA: If you have been a cold drink on a hot day… …you may be entitled to condensation
- There's this book entitled "solve 50% of your problems" I bought two
- What is a millennial's favourite fragrance? Scents of entitlement.
- I present to you the world's shortest poem, entitled "Fleas". Adam had'em.
- I'm half Muslim I'm only entitled to 36 virgins
- What do you call a man who gives a woman the illusion of entitlement? A Husband...
- A short poem entitled "The Imagination of a Writer" Negligible.
- What do you say to an old, entitled astronaut? Ok lunar!
- Sick and tired of all these entitled millennials Walking around like they rent the place
- What do white males have that nobody else has? Entitlement.
- What is the equine book on b**... entitled? Fifty Shades of Neigh
Great Entitled Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about entitled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deserve jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make entitled pranks.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
The Meaning of dreams
One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "Maybe you'll find out tonight…," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
Common ground among the German people
What are the German people in agreement with when discussing over-entitled children and expired sausages?
That Spoiled Brats are the Wurst
I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You`ll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
Dreams.
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?
You'll know tonight, he said.
That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–to find a book entitled:
The Meaning of Dreams.
Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."
Have you walked 500 miles?
Have you walked 500 miles?
Have you been asked to walk 500 more?
You may be entitled to compensation!!!
For your free no obligation quote call the Pro-Claimers now!!
I hate when a generation refuses to work and still expect to receive government checks
Those baby boomers in Congress sure are entitled snowflakes
I know the shutdown is done, but I think this joke is funny and I made it up myself.
The situation down south is too much
People unhappy, wanting to leave their country and come over to ours like they're entitled to it, corrupt law forces and an all around mess. As a Canadian this is too much
The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.
The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!
My wife crashed our car this morning.
When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.
Ron Jeremy was arrested for s**... assault
Because Ron Jeremy is 67 years old, Prosecutors are worried the evidence won't stand up in court.
Further, Ron Jeremy is entitled to a jury of his peers. Prosecutors are afraid it will be a hung jury.
Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.
If Covid 19 has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses,
You may be entitled to condensation.
Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.
It's called cobra Caillou.
People say mario is "unrealistic"
but if an Italian man jumped on my head I would die and he would be entitled to any coins I have
Found this one in my 2014 meme stash
A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"
I bought a book calling itself 'The Bible of being a self-entitled white woman'
It's called the Ka'ran
Has Covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
You might be entitled to condensation
PSA: If you or a loved one has been forced to wear glasses and a face mask at the same time
They may be entitled to condensation
If I go on a discount fishing trip and I lose the worm off the hook of my fishing line...
Am I entitled to a rebait?
