Enters Jokes
142 enters jokes and hilarious enters puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about enters that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From witty one-liners to full-length comedies, enter the world of jokes and see why laughter is the best medicine. Learn different types of jokes, discover what makes them funny, and find out the secrets of the funniest comedians. Let the laughter begin!
Funniest Enters Short Jokes
Short enters jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The enters humour may include short entering jokes also.
- What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."
- I entered my chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place! My dog came in third.
- I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture. It was called Electronic Arts.
- Enter password: 'snowflake' Confirm password: 'snowflake'
Error, your passwords are not alike - Bill Cosby enters in a bar ... ... i don't know what happens next because I suddenly woke up in a motel's room.
- A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest The man enters the bank.
Man: I'm here to find out about the mortgage
Employee: I don't really care. - I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster... Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.
- Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine? Because of his retractable clause.
- I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it.. With me crying and the people around me celebrating.
- A neutron enters a bar Neutron: "How much for a beer"
Bartender: "Oh it's free. No charge for you."
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Enters One Liners
Which enters one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with enters? I can suggest the ones about entered and exits.
- Pun enters a room, kills 10 people Pun in, 10 dead
- Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house? Because it was 2 squared
- I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament I took gold, silver and bronze.
- Happy Halloween... Why did the Ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS
- A Robber entered my home in hopes of finding money..... I joined the search with him.
- My girlfriend was telling me about an innuendo contest. So I entered her.
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- Yo mama so ugly She entered a Miss America pageant and nearly lost her citizenship.
- I tried to enter an ugly competition.. and was told sorry no professionals!
- A Muslim enters a building Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
- I entered in a room full of married people There wasn't a single person there.
- A politician, a liar and a crooked man enter in a bar. He sits down and drinks coffee.
- What's that one room zombies can never enter? the LIVING room
- What room can't a skeleton enter? The living room.
- [OC] Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room? Air Conditioning
Enters A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny enters a bar jokes and even better enters a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A black man enters a bar... with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said;
- That's cool! Where did you get that?
- In Africa, replied the parrot. - A Bartender Says, "We Don't Serve Time Travelers" A time traveler enters the bar.
- An aviation enthusiast enters a bar. He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."
- A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?" The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"
... I'm sorry. - Why did 20 Blondies wait outside the bar? They had to be 21 to enter
- I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix. Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s
- The blonde, the policeman, the jew, and the chicken from the other side of the road enter a bar. The bartender stares at them for a few seconds, then asks: "Is this a joke?"
- 20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by; "Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"
- Scandinavia has a bar code on all of their battleships to keep track of them..... When the ships enter the harbor, they scan-da-navy-in.
- An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all walk into a bar. The minute they enter, the bartender asks... Is this a joke?
Cheeky Enters Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about enters you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean entrance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make enters pranks.
Check-up
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Drunk in confession booth.
A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician...
...is sitting at a café watching the building across the road. They see one person entering the main door, and soon after, two persons leaving the building.
"Ah! They must have reproduced in there!" says the biologist.
"Nah, there must have been some error in our first measurement" says the physicist.
"If one person enters now", says the mathematician, "the building will be empty!".
A woman gets up in the morning.
She enters the bathroom, brushes her teeth, gets dressed and finally steps onto the weighing scale.
She looks down to see the results, and suddenly starts screaming happily.
"HONEY, I've lost 6kg since yesterday!", she yells.
The husband looks up from his newspaper and answers:
"Don't be so surprised, you haven't put on your make up yet!"
So there's this humor contest...
and a guy enters ten puns hoping to win with at least one. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.
A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...
Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
An engineer, a biologist and a mathematician are watching a bar
As they watch, two people enter.
Later, three people leave.
The engineer says, "There was someone in there before."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters there will be nobody left in the bar."
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
Making Sense of What's Happening in Europe
A policeman enters an interrogation room, in Athens, Greece.
He tells the perp: "You are accused of robbing the Bank of Greece, tell us where the money is!"
The perp reaches into his pocket and takes out a five-euro note.
"Here you go."
A man enters a flower shop...
and says..."I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs, "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
A bearded guy
A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."
A man enters a golfing tournament...
... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.
After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:
"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.
(A priest joke with 100% less p**...!)
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
A Higgs boson enters a church
And the priest says, "I'm sorry, we don't allow Higgs bosons in churches"
The Higgs replies, "but without me, you can't have mass"
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.
The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."
A drunk enters...
...a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn't say a word. After a while the priest coughs... nothing... he coughs again... nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts b**... on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:
"You're knocking to no avail, buddy... there ain't any toilet paper here either..."
MRW a replacement professor enters the wrong class
Oops, wrong sub.
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
A man orders a coffee
A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".
The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".
The bartender says "That would be $2.60".
"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he throws them on the ground.
The bartender doesn't want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge and when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The client throws 2 extra dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.
A woman is in the hospital in a coma...
and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her c**..., her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes o**... s**... will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
The Pun Competition
A man enters a pun competition in his local newspaper. They will accept more than one entry if sent in separately, so the man writes out 10 puns and mails them off. A week later he opens the newspaper to see if any of his puns won. Unfortunately *no pun in ten did*.
Four older men are bragging about their sons
The first says, "My son is a bishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Excellency".
The second says, "My son is an archbishop, and when he enters the room people say, Your Grace".
The third says, "My son is a cardinal, and when he enters the room people say, Your Eminence".
"My son is 7 feet tall, and 500 pounds," says the fourth man.
"And when he enter the room, people say, 'My God!'"
...told by my parish priest.
A terribly ugly woman enters a store.
On each hand, she has a child. The clerk asks the woman: "Are those twins?" "No," the woman says, "They´re three years apart. Why? Do you think they look alike?" The clerk says: "No, I just can´t believe you got laid twice."
A man enters a pun contest...
He writes down 10 puns and puts them into a hat thinking at least one of them would win. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition
And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.
A man enters a party and says "Is anybody here named Jeff?"
Jeff raised his hand and said "Yes."
Geoff raised his hand and said "Yeos."
A guy walks into a bar with a gun
A guy enters a bar with a gun and sais "Who's the one that had s**... with my wife?!"
A voice was heard in the backround, "You don't have enough bullets on you mate!".
A priest, a theif, and a child m**... enters a bar.
He buys a drink.
A British man enters customs at an Australian airport.
The officer asks
"Do you have a criminal record?"
The man looks confused and replies
"No, do I still need one?"
A dyslexic s**... enters a competition.
He comes out on p**....
A young lad enters a barber shop...
and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
Dr. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition...
It seems he wildly misunderstood the rules.
What's white and kills you if it enters your eye?
An airplane.
A man enters a bar with a revolver
He climb up a table, looked around and yell.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"
The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.
"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"
A man enters his house
and is absolutely delighted when he discovers that someone has stolen all the lamps
A Muslim enters the United States
Oh sorry thought it was still 2016.
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
A 5 years old girl enters the supermarket...
...grabs 4 beers and goes to the cash desk. The lady smiles at her and asks:
"Do you think you can carry all four of them all by yourself?"
The little girls thinks for a second and says:
"Yeah, you're right. I'll drink one here before I go"
A s**... bomber enters a mall, trigger in hand, threatening to blow up the building.
I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.
A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says "Ballroom please"
To which the lady standing in front of him replies "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
An Old Man is thrown out of a bar
A young man who was walking down the street says "Hey Old-Timer, what happened in there". The old man looks at him and says "Well son, I am Jesus Christ". "Jesus Christ?", the young man replied skeptically. "Yes my son, follow me", the old man said as he walked into the bar.
As he enters, the bartender turns around and says "Jesus Christ! not you again!"
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
A woman gets up in the morning
wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."
A tourist is travelling down the Rhine
He books himself into an old castle that has been converted into a hotel. Once he enters, he has the creepiest feeling come over him. He asked the lady a reception if they have ghosts in the hotel. She laughs and says, " I have been here for 300 years and never seen one"
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
A Russian spy enters the White House in search of intelligence.
He had to return home empty handed.
A guy enters the pharmacy...
Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.
Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?
Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.
A teacher enters a class room for the first time.
he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them
Teacher :Are you guys twins?
Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.
Three kids walk into a classroom...
The White girl enters. The teacher says "Do an essay", and the girl is finished in 45 minutes
The Asian girl enters. The teacher says "Do an essay", and the girl is finished in 35 minutes
The Mexican girl enters. The teacher says "Do an essay", and the girl is finished in 5 minutes
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
A woman is in a coma in hospital
The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her c**..., her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes o**... s**... will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.
He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding contest
When he gets there, he realizes he seriously misunderstood the nature of the contest
A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...
He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition
and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective...
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition.
However, upon arrival he realised he seriously misunderstood the objective.
So a blind man enters a store swinging his dog around his head
The manager approached him, cautiously asking, "Do you need help with anything?"
The man replies, "Nope, just looking around."
A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.
The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.
Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?
Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.
Angry guy : What's so funny?!?
Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !
A few electrons are having a party
When suddenly, an uninvited proton enters, and since opposites attract, all the electrons get stuck to him. Unable to pull themselves away from the gatecrasher, they scream for help. A mystery stranger hears their cries, jumps in, pulls all the electrons off and throws the proton out of the premises. The grateful electrons ask their saviour to identify himself. Mysteriously, he pulls down his hat and answers:
"Bond. Covalent Bond."
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm
The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."
The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."
To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."
A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: h**... - $15'.
The girl asks: 'Can I help?
'Yes,' says the man, 'the h**..., are you the one giving them?'
The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'
The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'
A drunk enters a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth sits down but says nothing
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there, not saying a word.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
To which the drunk mumbles, Sorry, can't help you. There's no paper on this side either.
A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..
She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."
This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "
The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German
- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.
- Well, he...
Suddenly the parrot interrupts him:
- I will fall down, you idiot!
A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.
As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.
The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a room.A man enters and asks, Can you see me?
and they respond; Yes. Oui. Sí. Ja.
Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...
The small man:
\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.
Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!
