JokoJokes

Ensure Jokes

43 ensure jokes and hilarious ensure puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ensure that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Popular Ensure Short Jokes

Short ensure jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ensure humour may include short proof jokes also.

  1. Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right
  2. In order for The Mandalorian's ship to take off he had to ensure his crew and cargo wasn't too heavy. This is the weigh.
  3. Why is there always dust at the bottom of a bag of cereal? It's a sign Thanos has ensured you get a "balanced" breakfast.
  4. For a second consecutive year a team competing in the Super Bowl has home field advantage. To ensure this doesn't happen again, all subsequent Super Bowls will be held in Dallas, Texas.
  5. For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care. lul
  6. Remember proper protection this valentines day Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits
  7. Don't have enough storage? Buy a chinese phone, so you are ensured that CCP has backup of all your data.
  8. I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year... not to see the New Year in, but to ensure this one leaves.
  9. What is the difference between a Mother and Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
  10. The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

Share These Ensure Jokes With Friends




Ensure One Liners

Which ensure one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ensure? I can suggest the ones about assured and protect.

  1. How can you ensure you visit outer space someday? Planet.
  2. How do you maintain a healthy ant colony? Ensure ants
  3. To ensure safe social sects, man-up and use a condemn.
  4. Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
  5. How do you ensure a dock gets a fair trial? Have it decided by a jury of his piers
  6. 20 years ago I made a vow... And all these years later she's ensuring I remain celibate.
  7. How do you ensure women's rights? You get Phyllis Schlafly to champion your cause.
  8. Whose excercises will ensure that you will never win a fitness award? Leonardo Di Cardio
  9. To ensure that all steps

Ensure joke, To ensure that all steps

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ensure can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ensure puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Ensure Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about ensure you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean prove jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ensure prank.

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.
"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.
Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his t**... while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

I made this joke!

One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."

I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.

Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six.
One Slytherin to break it.
One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.
Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.
And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Who's your daddy?

A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."

To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...

1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have s**... with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.

A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.

After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."

This site uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on the site. By continuing to use the site, you agree to accept these cookies.

I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

The girl says, "my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet"
And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.
They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper. The boy "says well my mom will hate me if I ruin my new pants"
And so they remove their pants.
Once they ensure that every item of cloths is out of harms way... they take a good look at each other.
"Strange", the girl says, "I didn't think protestants and catholics were THAT different!"

The devil appears before a lawyer and promises to ensure that he wins every case he takes for the rest of his life.

Lawyer says: It's always about a deal right? What's in it for you? Devil says: I want your soul, your wife's, your son's, and the souls of any more children you have in the future. Lawyer pauses, thinks for a moment, and responds: But what's the catch?

Did you hear about the new shipping company merger?

COVID has skyrocketed the demand for delivery services, causing an unforeseen merger in the works. To ensure the people get the best package delivery and express service, UPS and FedEx are joining forces...and they are calling themselves FedUp (:
(My dad made this joke up a long time ago I just added the COVID setup)

I am campaigning to end child s**... slavery!!!

I want to ensure they are all payed a fair wage.

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.
His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

A man orders a drink..

**(Not sure if this has been posted here before. Had read it long before as a kid.)**
A man orders a drink but has to use the loo. To ensure nobody drinks his booze he places a note underneath the glass which reads "I spat in the drink".. He returns from the loo finding an another note for him.. "Me too!"

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a skyscraper

Suddenly, a fire starts and the three of them are trapped on a balcony. The firemen show up and hold out a canopy for the girls to jump onto. The brunette jumps and the firemen miss her with the canopy. They apologize and encourage the other two girls to jump. The redhead jumps and the firemen miss her as well. The firemen apologize again and ensure the blonde they will catch her. She says, "I'm not s**..., put it on the ground and I'll jump."

Choochie Green was a h**... in a little town,

One Sunday morning she's decides to go to church. She gets all dressed up, in her finest mini skirt and top. She arrives early to ensure a seat up close. While the rest of the congregation files in, the priest notices her. He leans over to the alter boy and ask "Is that Choochie Green?" The boy squints and leans forward and replies "I don't think so, just the way the lights hitting it"

George Washington led an army on Christmas to ensure U.S. Independence

and as a History major, I'm proud that I too will work this Christmas.....at walmart selling batteries

I don't know what to say about bots in MMORPGs...

but I can ensure you that they grind my gears.

What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound?

Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.

Safe Neighbourhood

Now that my wife and I have a child we want to ensure that we live somewhere with excellent emergency services.
Turns out we're already in a great spot; there's firetrucks and constables everywhere!

I just learn the first word I spoke was Quote .

I have to ensure that on my death bed, my finals words are End Quote .

For most of human history, our vehicles had an automatic stopping system to take us home and ensure we didn't c**... when we were drunk or sleeping.

Then we got rid of the horse.

I don't need an expensive security system in my car...

...just some wires sticking out of a backpack, and a copy of the Koran next to it on the drivers seat. That will ensure it never gets touched.

Iran has finally reached out to America politically

Concerned for its citizens, they want to send over a few election monitors to ensure a fair democratic election occurs without fraud.

Ensure joke, Iran has finally reached out to America politically

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ensure jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.