Cheerful Fun Enjoy Jokes for Lovely Laughter
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
"Who was the Windows programmer's favorite hip-hop group?"
"Run-CMD"
(I came up with this one at work after repeatedly opening the command prompt. Not sure if it's been said before, but I hope you enjoy!)
Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....
Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang r**....
Clever Husband.
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: It's for you and your parents.
(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell?
So that deaf people can enjoy them too!
Does Lance Armstrong enjoy cycling?
Of course he does! He has a ball!
A women invites 3 military men to her house
During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."
Cans
I work in a can recycling factory.
My job is to crush cans.
I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.
Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...
They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.
(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)
I like my women like I like my wine...
...locked in a dark basement for several years until they are mature enough to enjoy.
You can explore enjoy indulge reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean enjoy pleasuring dad jokes. There are also enjoy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Buttsex is a lot like spinach
If you're forced to have it as a child. You'll never enjoy it as an adult.
Thank you Daniel Tosh.
The doctors say I suffer from insanity, but they have it all wrong.
I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...
I just kneaded the dough
I'm sorry, I'll leave now...
A Rich Woman And Her Butler
A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."
An old man and his wife die...
An old man and his wife die in an accident and go to heaven. There, an angel gives them a beautiful house by the beach and everything they want. All they have to do is stay in the vicinity and enjoy themselves.
The old man turns to his wife and says: "You idiot! We could have come here 10 years ago, but noooo, you wanted to eat healthy"
I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness
so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it.
Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...
I'm not qualified I just really enjoy k**... children.
A mom buys an old parrot from a w**.....
A mom buys an old parrot in a w**... and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"
Why do Farts Smell so Bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them too.
I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want...
I get hard every time.
Do not fap on a plane..
Unless you enjoy h**...
Relaxing location
While my parents were making their f**... arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.
Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.
If you want to have s**... with a frog, use a c**...
If you want to enjoy it, rib it
My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange f**......
She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.
I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.
In fact, I'm a big fan.
I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....
He asked, "What do you do in your free time".
To which I responded, "I stalk people".
"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".
"I know"
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first says the the bartender,
"I'll have some H2O,"
After which the second says
"I'll have some H2O too."
And they both enjoy their water, and get home safely to their families, because the bartender is a nice, reasonable man who would never serve Hydrogen Peroxide to a customer.
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.
Just wanted to make that clear.
A man walks into a coffee shop
Cashier: congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary bagel.
Man: hey thanks!
Cashier: of course, and it's only two dollars!
Man: i thought you said it was complimentary?
Cashier: it is
Bagel: you have beautiful eyes
My doctor asked me if any of my family members suffered from mental illnesses
I said no, they all seem to enjoy it.
Life is like s**...
Religious people don't want you to enjoy it.
Do you work on weekends?
My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."
Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it?
Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.
I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job...
...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.
My girlfriend told me I'm bad in bed
I told her she should learn to enjoy the little things in life
An army captain approaches a p**... and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...
She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"
My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"
It's your sixty second birthday.
5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.
There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.
I never really used to enjoy peer pressure
But then my friends got me into it.
Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street
One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it
Everyone has a certain joke they always tell when meeting new people
Personally, I enjoy talking about my life
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
I Don't care what any of you say..
My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday
And the LORD said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
Old but gold.
Stolen off the internet. Enjoy
Should I beat my kids?
I know I'm not supposed to, but they just make me so frustrated
My wife says I'm being irrational and getting wound up over nothing, and that if I beat them she'll be incredibly upset and won't even know what to say to me.
But you know when it's just the same stuff day in, day out. And with the lockdown in place we can't get out the house either, which doesn't help the situation
Anyway, I just really wanted some advice before I take drastic measures, because I'd really like to enjoy playing Mario Kart normally again without letting them beat me
Saying "have a nice day" to someone, sounds friendly
But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
They toasted the bride and groom...
My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!
If you s**... at playing the trumpet...
...that's probably why.
My neighbor who had horrible jokes passed away this week. This was one of his favorites. Enjoy a good (bad) pun in his memory.
My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth's favorite exercise?
What is your mouth's favorite exercise?
Burpees
You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.
Everytime he checks, you'll think he's won the game.
To Non-USA Redditor's
You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?
Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!
Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,
This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
I'm like a cat when it comes to kids
I don't really enjoy the product
But I love playing with the box it came out of.
I don't always enjoy jokes about c**....
But some one liners make me snort.
My boss just asked,
"Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."
I'm going to an open casket f**... later, and I'm not sure if I'll enjoy it or not...
Remains to be seen.
My psychiatrist asked me if anyone else suffered from mental illness in my family.
I answered " No they all seem to enjoy it"
The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."
Why do Instagram influencers enjoy shopping at Walmart so much?
They just can't get enough of the self-checkout.
What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?
They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.
(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.
As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/
Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?
It was Chewie.
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard n**...
Personally though, I'm on the fence.
A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.
In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.
Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with?
Asking for a friend.
Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem .
Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage
I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey...
The bartender gives him one, looks at him head to toe, and asks, "So, what did you dress up for this Halloween?"
The man replies, "A nine-carbon chain".
The bartender chuckles and says, "A nine-carbon chain with alcohol?"
"Yeah, any problem with that?"
"No, nonanol"
Studying chemistry right now and thought of this one. Y'all enjoy Halloween now!
Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island.
Step 1: Check spelling.
Step 2: If correct, enjoy.
Q. What do b**... and Legos have in common?
A. They were both intended for babies but adults also enjoy them.
Three surgeons were discussing their patients.
The first surgeon says, 'I like operating on electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded and tagged and easy to trace'
The second surgeon says 'I enjoy opening librarians. Everything is catalogued and in order, so really easy to find things'
The third surgeon says 'I enjoy working on mechanics. They're always so understanding if you have any bits left over!'
Q. Why didn't Charles Dickens enjoy his cherry popsicle?
A. Because he had grape expectations.
Three Things I Enjoy...
Subtle jokes, irony and the Oxford comma.
An expectant father wants to call the local hospital to ask about his wife, who's in labour...
But in his haste, he accidentally calls the local cricket ground instead.
He asks about the situation, and the shock almost kills him.
"All is well, we've already got 3 out, there's another 7 to go, and we're hoping to be finished by lunchtime. Last one out was a duck."
(This one will make more sense to English readers, but enjoy it anyway!)
What healthy item does Joe Biden enjoy eating?
Forbiden fruit
a joke i thought of today, hope you enjoy
What's the most dangerous part of any church/chapel?
Pew! Pew! Pew!
