Enjoy Jokes

Following is our collection of indulge puns and fun one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Enjoy jokes for adults, dirty gangbang jokes and clean pleasuring dad gags for kids.

The Best Enjoy Puns

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.

Just wanted to make that clear.

An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."

I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"

I said, "Monday."

I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job...

...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.


How is broccoli like buttsex?

If you have a bad experience with it as a child you probably won't enjoy it as an adult.

(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell?

So that deaf people can enjoy them too!

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"

"I did Teacher"

"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"

"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."

"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"

"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"

My girlfriend told me I'm bad in bed

I told her she should learn to enjoy the little things in life

Whats your name?

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most...cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen."
"What's your name?" she asks.

The man replies "B.J.......B.J. Titsngolf."

I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.

In fact, I'm a big fan.


Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness

so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it.

Saying "have a nice day" to someone, sounds friendly

But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.

Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it?

Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.

Do not fap on a plane..

Unless you enjoy hijacking

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

If you suck at playing the trumpet...

...that's probably why.

My neighbor who had horrible jokes passed away this week. This was one of his favorites. Enjoy a good (bad) pun in his memory.

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.

He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.


The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"


Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"


I Don't care what any of you say..

My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday

Clever Husband.

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: It's for you and your parents.

Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street

One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it

Buttsex is a lot like spinach

If you're forced to have it as a child. You'll never enjoy it as an adult.

Thank you Daniel Tosh.

I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange fetish...

She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.

It's too bad that I am colorblind.

A woman arrived at a party.

While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men.
Therefore I chose 'Carmen'"

"What's your name? she asked.

He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."

Two chemists walk into a bar...

The first says the the bartender,
"I'll have some H2O,"
After which the second says
"I'll have some H2O too."

And they both enjoy their water, and get home safely to their families, because the bartender is a nice, reasonable man who would never serve Hydrogen Peroxide to a customer.

I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want...

I get hard every time.

Everyone has a certain joke they always tell when meeting new people

Personally, I enjoy talking about my life

I like my women like I like my wine...

...locked in a dark basement for several years until they are mature enough to enjoy.

My doctor asked me if any of my family members suffered from mental illnesses

I said no, they all seem to enjoy it.

The doctors say I suffer from insanity, but they have it all wrong.

I enjoy every minute of it.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...

My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:


'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'


'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'


'Is he a mechanic too doc?'


'No, a gynecologist'

A woman's on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat's dead."

The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."

"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."

Life is like sex

Religious people don't want you to enjoy it.

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:

"Excuse me, where's my change?"

To which the vendor replies:

"Change comes only from within."

Three women and ducks

Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."

5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.

Cans

I work in a can recycling factory.

My job is to crush cans.

I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....

He asked, "What do you do in your free time".

To which I responded, "I stalk people".

"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".


"I know"

Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...

They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.

(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)

Should I beat my kids?

I know I'm not supposed to, but they just make me so frustrated

My wife says I'm being irrational and getting wound up over nothing, and that if I beat them she'll be incredibly upset and won't even know what to say to me.

But you know when it's just the same stuff day in, day out. And with the lockdown in place we can't get out the house either, which doesn't help the situation

Anyway, I just really wanted some advice before I take drastic measures, because I'd really like to enjoy playing Mario Kart normally again without letting them beat me

Does Lance Armstrong enjoy cycling?

Of course he does! He has a ball!

An old man and his wife die...

An old man and his wife die in an accident and go to heaven. There, an angel gives them a beautiful house by the beach and everything they want. All they have to do is stay in the vicinity and enjoy themselves.
The old man turns to his wife and says: "You idiot! We could have come here 10 years ago, but noooo, you wanted to eat healthy"

A Rich Woman And Her Butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.

"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.

"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.

"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and panties." The tension mounted as he complied.

Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

Why do Farts Smell so Bad?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

A man walks into a coffee shop

Cashier: congratulations, you are our thousandth customer! Enjoy this complimentary bagel.

Man: hey thanks!

Cashier: of course, and it's only two dollars!

Man: i thought you said it was complimentary?

Cashier: it is

Bagel: you have beautiful eyes

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

"Who was the Windows programmer's favorite hip-hop group?"

"Run-CMD"


(I came up with this one at work after repeatedly opening the command prompt. Not sure if it's been said before, but I hope you enjoy!)

Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....

Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

I never really used to enjoy peer pressure

But then my friends got me into it.

My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth's favorite exercise?

What is your mouth's favorite exercise?

Burpees

Relaxing location

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.

Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.

And the LORD said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.







Old but gold.



Stolen off the internet. Enjoy

If you want to have sex with a frog, use a condom

If you want to enjoy it, rib it

Sex is like steak

you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that.

I heard this at work and thought it was clever. Enjoy

A man took his dog to the movie with him...

...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."

Why do farts stink?

So deaf people can enjoy them

As a girl, I really enjoy having my hair short.

Because now the only thing I can let down is my parents.

Son: Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!

Dad: Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed

Having Alzheimer also carries some advantages...

First of all, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror. Secondly, you can always enjoy an old joke as if you heard it for the first time. And finally, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror.

My doctor asked if anyone in my family is suffering from mental illness...

I said No, we all seem to enjoy it .

I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.

The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.

At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.

Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.

1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.

I asked a girl back to my place to enjoy the works of Michel Houellebecq.

But she said she ain't no Houellebecq girl.

I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale

I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking

I started working for a pizza company

I don't enjoy it, I just knead the dough

I enjoy working in a slaughterhouse..

Everything is so cut and dry.

My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down.

After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.

There is an abundance of infancy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 72 funniest jokes and enjoy puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cherish witze you can hear about enjoy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes