Englishmen Jokes
16 englishmen jokes and hilarious englishmen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about englishmen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Englishmen Short Jokes
Short englishmen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The englishmen humour may include short pub jokes also.
- Two old englishmen are standing on the underground platform The first old man asks "Is this Wembley?"
The other replies "No, Thursday."
The first replies "Ah! So am I. Shall we go and get a pint?" - An Irishman walks into a bar .... An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says:
"Right, this looks like a fair fight." - An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman decided to have a BBQ. The Englishmen brought some meat, the Irishman brought some whiskey and the Scotsman brought some dude from Aberdeen.
- How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. British light fittings use bayonet connectors.
OK, it's not that funny, but at least it's accurately observed. - Englishmen are like bagpipes Aside from the obvious similarity between bags of hot air, the Scottish enjoy having either in a choke hold, but have a history of blowing both.
- A Scotsman, an Irishman, and a Welshman enter a bar... After a lot of fighting and harsh words 3 English-men walk out.
- We Englishmen are terrible at foreign languages; until we go abroad... Where English is a foreign language.
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Englishmen One Liners
Which englishmen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with englishmen? I can suggest the ones about kilt and foreigner.
- Why dont Englishmen go to casinos? Theyre too bloke.
- Two englishmen lost their donkey at a f**... convention What a pair of assless chaps
Hilarious Fun Englishmen Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about englishmen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make englishmen pranks.
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
Two Drunk Englishmen
...were walking down a street, late at night when the come across a dog l**... it's own b**....
The first Englishmen points to the dog and says "I wish I could do that"
The second Englishman looks at the dog, and says "I reckon you could, but you better ask it permission first!"
So an Englishmen walks into a Welshmen's butcher shop...
And says "I would like a goats head please." And the Welshmen says "alright, one goats head." And then the Englishmen says "no I don't want a Welshmen's goat, I want an English goat." And the Welshmen says "oh you want an English goat alright, I will take the brains out."
Two Englishmen walk into a nearly empty American bar and one orders a pint of Strongbow
The bartender replies, "Oh, you boys must be British."
"You can tell from the order and accent, can you?" responds one of the Englishmen.
The bartender replies, "No, I can tell because you two lined up even though you're the only two at the bar!"
Two Germans in London
Two Germans wanted to visit London just a few months after the second world war. Because they are afraid that people will judge them for being German they decide to pretend like they are Englishmen.
After a long day of site-seeing they walk into a pub to have a drink.
They walk up to the bar and ask the barkeeper in perfect English:
"Could we have two sherries please?"
The bar keeper responds:"Dry?"
"NEIN ZWEI!!!"
A Dutchman and an Englishmen meet in a beach bar on holiday.
The Dutchman speaks hardly any English and the Englishman, inevitably, even less Dutch, but they still enjoy each other's company and knock back a few beers together. After a while the Englishman manages to get across a question: "what is it that you do for a living?"
The Dutchman says carefully "I... *f**...\**... horses."
"Pardon?!" exclaims the Englishman.
"*Ja! Paarden!*" says the Dutchman, beaming widely.
\----
\* \['breed'\]
Walking Down The Street
One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog l**... its own t**.... One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!" His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?
A Frenchmen and an Englishmen were at war when the Englishmen says you fight for money while we fight for honor, the Frenchmen replied we all fight for what we lack most.
That's why america fights for freedom