English Teacher Jokes
133 english teacher jokes and hilarious english teacher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english teacher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest English Teacher Short Jokes
Short english teacher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english teacher humour may include short language teacher jokes also.
- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
- I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
- I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me. I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.
She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon. - A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!" "You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!" - I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail. But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
- I used to date my english teacher but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
- When I was a kid my English teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns." I said, " who, me?"
- No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code
A pro-grammar - I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce "either" as "ee-ther" or "eye-ther" He said, "You can say either."
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English Teacher One Liners
Which english teacher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english teacher? I can suggest the ones about writing teacher and school teacher.
- What is an english teacher's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird
- To the English teacher that stole my calendar... Your days are numbered. Mark my words.
- What do you say when your English teacher is crying? "There, their, they're".
- What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense.
- what is an English teachers favorite cereal? Synonym toast crunch
- What is an English teachers favourite food? Synonym Rolls
- My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified.
- What is an English teacher's favourite cocktail? Tequila Mockingbird
- Why don't English teachers like parole? They prefer complete sentences.
- What does an English teacher call Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses.
- How do you comfort an English teacher? There, they're, their.
- How do you console an English teacher? There, they're, their.
- What is the favorite liquor of every high school English teacher? Tequila Mockingbird
- What do you call a convention for English teachers? Comma-Con
- Did you hear about the English teacher that went to jail? She got a full sentence.
Delightful Fun English Teacher Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about english teacher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean math teacher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english teacher pranks.
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing.
" The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.
For example,
Jane ate her friend's sandwich
Becomes
Jane ate her friend's colon.
Pupil shows art for teacher
A pupil came and showed something that he draw. He said that he drawed a cow eating grass. The teacher said: But there's nothing there! Then the pupil said: It's because the cow ate all the grass and went away to look for some more grass.
*Excuse my grammar, not perfect at english*
Last semester I had an English teacher names Mrs. Gaye
She was a huge homophone.
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied...
"Yeah, right!"
In an English class...
Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I."
David: I is...
Teacher: No, David. You must always say "I am."
David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher?
Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
A mexican boy in english class...
A mexican boy in english class passed a note to his friend. The teacher saw it, and screeched "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
To which he replied, "writing an esé"
So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.
A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.
'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.
The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, b**...?'
I had an awkward moment with my english teacher.
Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.
What's an English teacher's favourite cereal?
Synonym Grahams
On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.
The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
A boy thinks his English teacher is attractive
One day after school he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. "Ms. Smith you're smart and beautiful, can I have s**... with you?" The teacher responds, "I don't know, may you have s**... with me?"
English Class
A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks "Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?". Suzie says - "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher replies "The sky can be grey or black, but good try". Johnny at the back of the class raises his hand. "Miss, do farts have lumps?" The teacher was completely baffled replied "No Johnny, why?"
"Then I definitely pooped my pants"
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...
...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
English class......
Teacher.
One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it??
student.
Future impossible tense.
My English teacher had a sore back today.
When someone asked him why, he said, "Well, i was trimming hedges, and I finished the first one, and i felt a little pinch in my back, but i just ignored it. But after the second one, my back just gave out on me."
To which i replied: "So, like the american economy- Fine after the first bush, collapsed after the second."
English and Art teacher talk...
English and Art teacher talk.
English teacher: "What do you teach?"
Art teacher:"Advanced Art."
English teacher:"Hence fancy scarf."
Art teacher:"Yes, what do you teach."
English teacher:"Advanced English"
Art teacher:"Hence hence?"
How did the english teacher know his student was pregnant?
She started missing periods
My German Teacher Wrote This On The Board This Morning
"When I was learning English, my tutor said that if we have trouble learning ' lead ' and ' lead ' just remember that ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' and ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' "
I loved this one.
I caught up with my old English teacher.
"What's new?" he asked.
I said, "An adjective."
An English class is writing an essay
One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".
My English teacher is living proof that Grammar n**... still exist.
Sorry... Alt-Write.
Teacher: Where is the English Channel
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up
A English teacher says to a African student..
"okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"
My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange.
There was a young man who had nothing,
Until one day he happened upon an orange.
That rhymes?
Why was the English teacher arrested?
She practiced capital punishment in her classroom.
I'm an English teacher and I'm obsessed with staying clean.
I hope there isn't any literature house.
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
My Latin/Greek teacher always gets the English and Greek 'U' mixed up
oopsilon
Dogged
I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon.
My english teacher told me that the file I sent her was corrupt, and that she couldn't open it
I suggested bribing it
My English teacher had part of his intestines removed
Now all he ever talks about is his semicolon
What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paragraph?
One paratrooper is enough to satisfy your English teacher
Why did the English teacher assault his dumb student?
He was hoping for a sentence.
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
An English teacher to his class...
"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"
An English teacher asked their students: "Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?"
A student responded, "Noah, because he has the largest story Ark."
My English teacher said I can't end a sentence with a preposition...
I don't think she knows who she's dealing with.
A english teacher asked the class...
... Use the word 'dandelion' in a sentence.
The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed -
De cheetah is fastah dandelion'
I used to go out with an English teacher.
She used to get really annoyed with my improper use of the colon.
(Gary Delaney)
My English teacher constantly makes fun of me because I confuse my prepositions.
He's always rubbing it out.
What do English teachers and my girlfriend have in common?
They both yell at me for misusing the colon.
Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.
I said, "Yeah, right."
I used to date an English teacher...
...but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.
What is an English teacher's favorite dinosaur?
Thesaurus
I ran into my old English teacher the other day. She asked me to name two pronouns.
I said "who, me?"
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
Two guys were chatting in the bar
"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"
"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"
"Shame. Why'd she do so?"
"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."
An English teacher went to Germany to teach the German kids English words.
On Day one, he taught them all the English words beginning with A.
Day two, he taught them all the English words beginning with B. After day three which was words C, he thought to himself.
"How are they gonna handle D-day?"
I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.
In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."
He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.
I bumped into my old English teacher that I fancied.
"What's new?" she asked.
I said, "An adjective."
A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class
"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.
I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during s**....
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...
I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling
My high school English teacher was so mean!
She would walk around the classroom and stop to ask students random grammar questions. I remember this one time she was walking by my desk and she stopped, pointed at me and said "Quick, name 2 pronouns!"
Startled, I looked at her and replied "who, me?"
My English teacher asked to define money .
I responded something you don't have .
In English class I did an essay on The Room for my assignment
The teacher gave me a hi mark
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!
An English teacher asks Little Johnny
Make an opposite of this sentence: 'Kids in the dark usually make errors.' - Little Johnny: Errors in the dark usually make children."
Say the alphabets!
One day lil Jhonny had to badly go to the bathroom. His English teacher Miss. Strict didn't believe he had to go that badly and thought he was disrupting the class so told him to hold it in. Lil Jhonny kept pestering her every 5 mins until she had it. So she said recite the alphabets quickly and I'll let you go.
Lil Jhonny "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ".
Miss. Strict "Lil Jhonny where is your P?"
LJ "It's running down my pants Miss. Strict".
A teacher asks her student where the English Channel is located.
I'm not sure, the student answers, we switched cable companies last month.
In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"
The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.
When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"
"Because my script is a play on words!"
