English Teacher Jokes
133 english teacher jokes and hilarious english teacher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english teacher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest English Teacher Short Jokes
Short english teacher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english teacher humour may include short language teacher jokes also.
- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
- I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.
- When I was a kid my English teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns." I said, " who, me?"
- No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code
A pro-grammar - I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce "either" as "ee-ther" or "eye-ther" He said, "You can say either."
- The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
- My English teacher had part of his intestines removed Now all he ever talks about is his semicolon
- I bumped into my old English teacher that I fancied. "What's new?" she asked.
I said, "An adjective." - An English teacher asked their students: "Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?" A student responded, "Noah, because he has the largest story Ark."
- This guy's an English teacher, and he still can't think of a synonym for 'market'! It's bazaar.
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English Teacher One Liners
Which english teacher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english teacher? I can suggest the ones about writing teacher and school teacher.
- What is an english teacher's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird
- What do you say when your English teacher is crying? "There, their, they're".
- What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense.
- what is an English teachers favorite cereal? Synonym toast crunch
- What is an English teachers favourite food? Synonym Rolls
- My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified.
- Why don't English teachers like parole? They prefer complete sentences.
- What do you call a convention for English teachers? Comma-Con
- Did you hear about the English teacher that went to jail? She got a full sentence.
- Last semester I had an English teacher names Mrs. Gaye She was a huge homophone.
- Why didn't the English teacher like looking at graphs? Too much x-position
- What is an english teacher's favorite Radiohead song? Comma Police.
- Why was the English teacher arrested? She practiced capital punishment in her classroom.
- My English teacher asked to define money . I responded something you don't have .
- How did the english teacher know his student was pregnant? She started missing periods
Delightful Fun English Teacher Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about english teacher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean math teacher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english teacher pranks.
Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: "
I didn't had no fun for months."
Then she faces the class and says, "OK class, how should this be corrected?"
Little Johnny says, "I think you should get yourself a better man!"
Pupil shows art for teacher
A pupil came and showed something that he draw. He said that he drawed a cow eating grass. The teacher said: But there's nothing there! Then the pupil said: It's because the cow ate all the grass and went away to look for some more grass.
*Excuse my grammar, not perfect at english*
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher?
Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.
What are the two types of people who love the words "Who, what, when, where and why?"
English teachers and Alzheimer's patients
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.
We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."
A mexican boy in english class...
A mexican boy in english class passed a note to his friend. The teacher saw it, and screeched "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
To which he replied, "writing an esé"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.
A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.
'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.
The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, b**...?'
A Chinese guy, Japanese guy, and Vietnamese guy are in an English class...
Teacher: I want you to create a sentence using the words chicken, nut, and bread.
Chinese guy: I would like to buy chicken, nut, bread.
Japanese guy: I want to eat the chicken, nut, and bread.
Vietnamese guy: I threw my sister in the pool and chicken nut bread.
I had an awkward moment with my english teacher.
Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.
On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.
The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy thinks his English teacher is attractive
One day after school he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. "Ms. Smith you're smart and beautiful, can I have s**... with you?" The teacher responds, "I don't know, may you have s**... with me?"
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
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A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...
...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
Where did the English teacher and the student fight?
in the MLA boxing ring
I once fell in love with an English Teacher....
...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If h**... were a black supremacist English teacher what would the Holocaust be called?
White-out.
English class......
Teacher.
One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it??
student.
Future impossible tense.
English teacher asks me, "What's an example of pleonasm?
Troublesome Woman"
My English teacher had a sore back today.
When someone asked him why, he said, "Well, i was trimming hedges, and I finished the first one, and i felt a little pinch in my back, but i just ignored it. But after the second one, my back just gave out on me."
To which i replied: "So, like the american economy- Fine after the first bush, collapsed after the second."
English and Art teacher talk...
English and Art teacher talk.
English teacher: "What do you teach?"
Art teacher:"Advanced Art."
English teacher:"Hence fancy scarf."
Art teacher:"Yes, what do you teach."
English teacher:"Advanced English"
Art teacher:"Hence hence?"
My German Teacher Wrote This On The Board This Morning
"When I was learning English, my tutor said that if we have trouble learning ' lead ' and ' lead ' just remember that ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' and ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' "
I loved this one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why wouldn't the student take writing advice from his Jewish English teacher?
He was anti-semantic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My English teacher is living proof that Grammar n**... still exist.
Sorry... Alt-Write.
Teacher: Where is the English Channel
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up
Teacher: "Where is the English Channel?"
Child: "I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up."
Why did the English teacher propose to Webster?
She wanted to Merriam.
A English teacher says to a African student..
"okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"
My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange.
There was a young man who had nothing,
Until one day he happened upon an orange.
That rhymes?
My english teacher asked us to write down tragedies from our lives
I chose to write down sins instead.
An English WW2 pilot was...
...talking in the school about his war experience.
"So I'm flying over German land in my plane. I was alone. Out of the blue, a fokker flanks me on the right. Then, I found a fokker on my left wing too. I was panicking, when suddenly 2 more fokkers appeared and surrounded me..."
By now, the children are giggling, so an embaressed teacher intervenes, "Actually, fokker is the name of a German airplane."
"Yeah", interjected the pilot, "But these fokkers were flying in Dorniers."
I'm an English teacher and I'm obsessed with staying clean.
I hope there isn't any literature house.
In my English mocks, my teacher said I needed more colons...
I told her we were intestine conditions.
So there's an American English Teacher that went to Germany…
He went to a school to teach children how to speak English.
One the first day, he taught them all words that began with the letter A.
On the second day, he taught them words that started with B.
On the the third day, which was words with C, he thought to himself,
"How are they gonna handle D-Day?"
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
My Latin/Greek teacher always gets the English and Greek 'U' mixed up
oopsilon
What is an English teacher's favorite kind of tea?
Punctuali-tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My English teacher once told me "show and don't tell"
They never told me it would get me into a s**... harassment lawsuit.
Dogged
I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon.
My teacher said that before we start our new book, "it's best we say the N word a couple times out loud, just get it out of our system".
I've seen this help students reading old material and I could definitely see why some English teachers do this, but I had no idea why my Calculus teacher was having us try it out.
My english teacher told me that the file I sent her was corrupt, and that she couldn't open it
I suggested bribing it
What's the difference between an English teacher and a park bench.
A park bench can support a family of four.
What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paragraph?
One paratrooper is enough to satisfy your English teacher
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why did the English teacher assault his dumb student?
He was hoping for a sentence.
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My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
An English teacher to his class...
"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"
My English teacher said I can't end a sentence with a preposition...
I don't think she knows who she's dealing with.
Why do English teachers never get depressed?
Why do English teachers never get depressed?
They're really good at finding meaning where none exists.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman stands on the edge of a bridge about to commit s**....
An English teacher spots her. "Don't jump!" he cries. "You have so much for which to live!"
My English teacher started called me over to his desk for an idiom test...
I wasn't prepared so I had to beat around and push.
My English teacher constantly makes fun of me because I confuse my prepositions.
He's always rubbing it out.
My French teacher refuses to give me the the translation to some english words
Feels like he's trying to sabotage me.
What do English teachers and my girlfriend have in common?
They both yell at me for misusing the colon.
What's an edder?
It's what your English teacher wants at the top of your essay.
My old English teacher became a judge...
She likes to give criminals long sentences.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
My English teacher always says my grammar's bad.
But yesterday she missed a period.
Two guys were chatting in the bar
"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"
"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"
"Shame. Why'd she do so?"
"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."
I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.
In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."
He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.
My English teacher told me not to end my sentences with prepositions.
I said "What are you talking about?"
A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class
"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.
How can you tell if your English teacher has gone into labor?
Her use of contractions gets closer and closer together!
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I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...
I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling
