English School Jokes
39 english school jokes and hilarious english school puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest English School Short Jokes
Short english school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english school humour may include short english class jokes also.
- No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code
A pro-grammar - I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement
- I find it amusing Americans call it soccer and the English call it football Just like how I find it amusing the English call it shooting range and the Americans call it school
- The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language. The rest, as they say, was History.
- I wanted to get a job as a high school English teacher after I got out of jail.. But apparently you can't end a sentence with a prep position.
- High school science classes say that "two bodies cannot occupy the same space". Whoever came up with that saying never saw how much butter an English muffin can soak up.
- When the school's math teacher got sick, they replaced him with an English teacher... Oops, wrong sub.
- Girl from my high school was obsessed with dinosaurs She asked to borrow my thesaurus for an English test
- "Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am." - When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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English School One Liners
Which english school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english school? I can suggest the ones about kid school and english kids.
- What is the favorite liquor of every high school English teacher? Tequila Mockingbird
- I finally slept with my English teacher. Home-school is great!
- What high-school has taught me? Science, English, Maths and a few other words.
- I had an Germany born English teacher in high school. If you know what I mean.
- What I learned from school... Science, English, Maths and a few other words.
Amusing & Witty English School Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about english school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean primary school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english school pranks.
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.
One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".
A boy thinks his English teacher is attractive
One day after school he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. "Ms. Smith you're smart and beautiful, can I have s**... with you?" The teacher responds, "I don't know, may you have s**... with me?"
I don't want to go to school
"Dad, I don't want to go to school
today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
\-"Well, one of the chickens on the
school farm died last week and we had
chicken soup for lunch the next day.
Then three days ago one of the pigs
died and we had roast pork the
next day"
"But why don't you want
to go today"
"Because our English
teacher died yesterday!"
Once upon a time
Once upon a time a turtle went on its way to school, but when it got there, they already had gone out on vacation.
NOTE: I'm not native English speaker. Sorry about the posible mistakes.
My high school English teacher was so mean!
She would walk around the classroom and stop to ask students random grammar questions. I remember this one time she was walking by my desk and she stopped, pointed at me and said "Quick, name 2 pronouns!"
Startled, I looked at her and replied "who, me?"
On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.
The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.
'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.
'Jem and I' responded the teacher.
'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
So there's an American English Teacher that went to Germany…
He went to a school to teach children how to speak English.
One the first day, he taught them all words that began with the letter A.
On the second day, he taught them words that started with B.
On the the third day, which was words with C, he thought to himself,
"How are they gonna handle D-Day?"
What are the most offensive jokes you know?
What's the difference between Pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.
That joke got a kid suspended from my high school english class.
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today.
" said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
An English WW2 pilot was...
...talking in the school about his war experience.
"So I'm flying over German land in my plane. I was alone. Out of the blue, a fokker flanks me on the right. Then, I found a fokker on my left wing too. I was panicking, when suddenly 2 more fokkers appeared and surrounded me..."
By now, the children are giggling, so an embaressed teacher intervenes, "Actually, fokker is the name of a German airplane."
"Yeah", interjected the pilot, "But these fokkers were flying in Dorniers."
Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"
An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter "H" they should ignore the "H" as in hour, honor, and honest. That day when leaving for class, he left a note for his assistant, "Please heat my rice for me." When the teacher returned to his office, he met an empty bowl. He asked the assistant, "Where is my food?" The assistant replied, "You said I should heat the rice for you, but you also instructed us to ignored the 'H.'"
A high school English teacher is doing a lesson on how words modify to make new meanings.
The teacher explained: The word slap can be used as an action, a game, and a joke. You see, slap to the face is an action, slap jack is a card game, and a knee s**... is a joke.
But as you see, words need adjacent words to take on a new meaning. There is no word that can be an action, game and a joke just as it is.
A kid in the back of the room interrupted and asked, what about the word Trump?
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
