English Major Jokes
41 english major jokes and hilarious english major puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english major that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest English Major Short Jokes
Short english major jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english major humour may include short art major jokes also.
- How do you tell the difference between an English major, a Math major, and a programmer? Ask them what "!" is
- If a tree falls in the woods, and there are no English majors around to hear it... does is lay on the ground, or lie?
- It's sad to see people with MBA's ending up as McDonald's cashiers They're taking jobs from English majors.
- Computer Science major walks into an English class The Professor says "Welcome to English 101".
The student panicks.
"What's wrong?" asks the Professor.
"I missed the first 4 English classes". - I don't understand why so many people major in English Literature. I mean there's only so many ways to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"
- Why did the English major break up with the pilot? Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over.
- What did the English major say to the Theatre major? Now my friend, we play the waiting game!
- I was hitting on an English major and used several puns to try and impress her. No pun in ten did.
- The other day my friend was telling me I didn't know what irony meant With my knowledge as an English major, i corrected him.
Not sure what that had to do with our discussion about sarcasm - The say the job market isn't good for an English Major... ...but hey, at least you're still higher than a captain.
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English Major One Liners
Which english major one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english major? I can suggest the ones about math major and liberal arts major.
- My friends that majored in English always tell me the same thing Welcome to Starbucks!
- What did the English major have after getting intestinal surgery? A semicolon
- If there's one thing my English major girlfriend has taught me, It's what a colon does.
- Why did the English majors switch to Spanish? Too many persuasive esses.
- Why do many latinos major in english? Because of all essays
- What's an English majors favorite surgical procedure? A semicolon-oscopy
- What do English Majors and Hispanic ESL students have in common? Essay topics.
- What do you call a bubbly English major? Effervescent
- What did the English major say to the Accounting major? Would you like fries with that?
- Why are there so many grammar n**... on the internet? Because English majors have no jobs.
- Nobody except an English major appreciates when I say ... my granddaughter has double Ds
- How does an English Major get a job? They don't but they can write a great s**... note!
Laughable English Major Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about english major you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean college majors jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english major pranks.
An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...
... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend is an English major.
She loves when my dangling modifier is between her open parentheses right before the c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rural country man is visiting a prestigious college in the big city for the first time.
He's a little lost, so he flags down a passing student and asks, "'Scuse me, could y'all tell me where the library's at?"
The student draws himself up in a huff, and answers haughtily, "I'll have you know that I am an English major with a 4.0 GPA, and I absolutely refuse to answer a question that ends in a preposition!"
The country man thinks for a moment. "OK, then. Could y'all tell me where the library's at, *a**...?"*
What did the Computer Science major say to the English major?
Yeah I'll take a #3 with a small fry and a Dr. Pepper, and a #7, just the sandwich. Do you guys still have that smoky barbeque sauce or has it been discontinued?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... is standing trial in front of a jury of English majors....
Judge says: "How do you plead?"
The man replies: "I didn't do nothin'!"
Jury walks out. Case closed.
A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.
I just wrote a joke: A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.
The generic science major takes a few moments to think, then says, "Well, I would read up on the history of the book, process the literature within a few months (well enough to formulate some questions to ask participants that are likely to assess the book's content, influence, and perceived influence), then test a few of the relevant questions that the lit. search analysis generates. In some kind of controlled setting, obviously. You?"
The english literature major takes a shot, then says, "Uhhh... first I'd read it."