English Love Jokes
43 english love jokes and hilarious english love puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english love that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest English Love Short Jokes
Short english love jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english love humour may include short english small jokes also.
- English is not first language want to try joke from my country Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?
Because he don't love no hose. - I was browsing in a bookstore and found an English book about unexpected uses for a pry bar. 50 Ways to Love Your Lever.
- As an English person there's one thing I love between me and the French. The English Channel.
- A co worker accuses a wife of treating her husband "like a dog" The wife was a not a native English speaker. So she responded "That is not true! I love dogs!"
- What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men? 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
- The people who designed the English language had an interesting sense of humor... I would love to meet the guy who made up the spelling for lisp.
- I once fell in love with an English Teacher.... ...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.
- A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says, "Mande?" and he says, "No Monday, today."
- What are the two types of people who love the words "Who, what, when, where and why?" English teachers and Alzheimer's patients
- I love how in english you can merge two words to make a third.. Like napping and kid.... kidnapping
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English Love One Liners
Which english love one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english love? I can suggest the ones about english new and english best.
- in mexico, we don't say "I love you" cause we dont speak english.
- I love using Latin phrases in English And vice versa
- Why do stoners love English? Because it's lit
- Why the Spainish love English class.... Essays
- I really love English. I think I'm going to Merriam.
- English men reveal the three words they love to hear during s**... It's Coming Home
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious English Love Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about english love you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean english speaking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english love pranks.
Zeh Spring.
A French farmer is walking through a field when he sees a couple having s**... under a tree. He smiles to himself and says "Ah, zeh spring, zeh flowers, l'amour, it's so beautiful". Then he looks closer and sees she is so pallid, and she's not moving, and then he realizes the awful truth -she is dead. So he thinks "zhat is disgusting" and runs down to the village to get help.
He runs into the bar and says "I was up in Martin's field and I saw a couple making love under a tree". The whole bar in unison sways "Ah, zeh spring, zeh flowers, l'amour, it's so beautiful". The farmer says, "I thought that too, but the woman, she is dead!" The bar says "that is disgusting, we must get the doctor!".
So they run to the doctor. "Doctor, there is a couple in Martins field having s**... under a tree!", and the doctor starts "Ah the Spring.." - "No, no, doctor, we already said that - the woman, she is dead!" The doctor says "sacre bleu!" and runs up to check it out.
Half hour later he saunters in the bar and they ask "so doctor, this couple in Martin's field?" and the doctor says "Ah, zeh spring, zeh flowers, l'amour, it's so beautiful". The bar says "but the woman?" and the doctor says "but the woman what?" and the bar says "but the woman, she is dead."
The doctor says "Ah no, she is not dead, she is English".
A joke we tell tourists in china
Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.
Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant he had no education and spoke no english.
So the chinese officials prepared the old chinese discoverer with a few basic english phrases such as:
"hi, how are you"
"Fine, you?"
"Me too"
The day finally came and, naturally, the old chinese discoverer was nervous to be meeting Clinton. None the less he went through the english he was taught in his head and wasn't going to lose face.
Smiling, Clinton approached the old chinese discoverer and said, "Hello"
The chinese discoverer paused briefly to recall, but out of nervousness mispronounced; "Hi, who are you?"
"I am the President of the United States and the husband of this lovely lady," a surprised Clinton said while pointing at his wife.
"Me too," he replied
A mouse and an elephant
A male mouse and female elephant, which are very much in love with each other, are having s**... in the jungle. Mr mouse does his best, but if course miss elephant didn't really enjoy it.
Monkeys up in the trees see the scene and decide to throw coconuts at them. Miss elephant is hit on the head and tell "ouch"
Mister mouse stops and asks, worried "Did I hurt you?"
(Translated from French, sorry for my English)
An American goes to Japan....
...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a h**... in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.
In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.
The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!
Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichés, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.
"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each."
p**... Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:
"Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in."
"Done" says the genie, and **p**...** p**... Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots
"Genie," says p**... Irishman, "tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England"
"Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out." the genie replied
p**... Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:
"Fill it with water."
Hopefully this translates well into English..
A man is sitting on a park bench reading a book called "Logic" and another man walking past sits down beside him and asks what logic means..
The man reading the book asks, "Well, do you have an aquarium at home?"
"Yes! I do!"
"So I'm guessing you have fish in your aquarium?"
"I do!"
"And if you have fish in your aquarium, I'm guessing you like animals..?"
"Yes, I like animals!"
"And if you like animals, I would say you like people as well?"
"Yes, I like I people.."
"And if you like people, I guess you like women too?"
"Oh yes, I LOVE women!"
"Well there you go, that's what logic is!"
The man contemplates the answer he received and is satisfied with it and is about to get up to leave, when he asks: "What would've happened if I said that I didn't have an aquarium at home?"
The man on the bench thinks to himself for a minute and answers, "Well, you would've obviously been gay then".
An English man, a Welsh man and an Irish man sign up for the SAS...
An English man, a Welsh man and an Irish man sign up for the SAS. The commander decides to put them to the test to see if they have what it takes.
He gives the English man a gun and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The English man looks appalled and says 'I can't do that I love her and we have two children'
He gives the gun to the Welsh man and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The Welsh man walks through the door but walks out immediately 'I can't kill my wife, I love her and we have 3 children.'
The commander gives the gun to the Irish man and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The Irish man walks through the door and the commander hears three shots fired and then a lot of grunting and groaning.
The Irish man comes out of the room and the commander says 'what happened?' The Irish man replied 'Well commander the gun was full of blanks so I had to strangle her."
An English gent was having a go with his lady
She decided she wanted to start mixing up in the bedroom. One night she looked at him dead in the eyes as they were b**... and said "make love to me like you've never made love to me before!"
So he took his socks off.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
"They must have been English," the Englishman offered. "After all, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a lady."
"They surely were French," the Frenchman asserted. "They were so hopelessly in love."
"Only could be Latvian," declared the Latvian. "Who else could walk around n**..., have only one apple to eat, and think they were in paradise?"
My girlfriend is an English major.
She loves when my dangling modifier is between her open parentheses right before the c**....
I am terrible at English...
But I love m**....
**Note: As far as I know my brother came up with this joke and I can't find it on the internet so.**
My German Teacher Wrote This On The Board This Morning
"When I was learning English, my tutor said that if we have trouble learning ' lead ' and ' lead ' just remember that ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' and ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' "
I loved this one.
I love the English cricket team....
The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.
No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to be led by a Cook.
A young boy asks his grandfather
A young boy asks his grandfather:
"What's the most common English expression?"
The Grandfather, full of wisdom, says, "I love baseball and apple pie."
Puzzled, the boy shrugs it off and continues.
"So, what's the most common German expression?"
Without skipping a beat, the Grandfather says, "David Hasselhoff is the best."
The boy wrinkles his nose in disbelief, but presses on.
"OK then, what's the most common French expression?"
Suddenly, the Grandfather stops. He looks worried. He hesitates, wringing his hands in concentration. He begins to speak, but can't get the words out. His confidence gone, he quietly mutters...
"I give up."
I fell in love with an African woman
She didn't speak a word of English, but we just clicked!
A m**... in South America
A m**... in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the m**... teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "
Down by the river they saw a couple making love. m**... blushes and tells to a guy in the boat: They are riding a bicycle.
Native takes bow and an arrow from boat and takes a shoot at guy who makes love to an woman.
m**... is horrified: What are you doing?!?
Native responds: He rides my bicycle.
Hopping onto the trend of jokes translated into English, here's one from my family in Bosnia
Two men are sitting together and talking, the first asks, "Do you love your wife?"
The second replies, "Of course I love my wife!"
The first then says, "Ok but how much?"
The second man isn't sure how to answer, so the first man asks, "Say your wife is being attacked by a bear, what would you do?"
The second man simply says, "s**... bear."
A joke by Mirza Ghalib (renowned Urdu / Persian poet) translated into English
Not sure if the humor is lost in translation but I found it hilarious. Anyway here goes:
I got drunk under the influence of love and told her that she's my Goddess;
I immediately sobered up when she told me that Goddesses are worshipped by many.
I was a really poor student...
My English teacher once told me that he loves cooking children and pets. He also tried to teach me about commas being really important but I didn't pay attention to that part.
at the bar…
MAN: Hello ladies, love your English accents…
WOMAN 1: They're Welsh accents.
MAN: Well, may I buy you Welshland ladies a drink?
WOMAN 2: It's *Wales*, you idiot!
MAN: Sorry, may I buy you two *whales* a drink?
Real happiness
A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness
The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"
The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make love to her, then you go your separate ways never meeting again"
The Russian : "no you are both wrong, real happiness is when secret police come to your house in middle of night and tell you: Ivan Ivanovich you arrested for conspiracing against the state and you tell them : sorry Ivan Ivanovich lives next door."
