JokoJokes

English Lesson Jokes

13 english lesson jokes and hilarious english lesson puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english lesson that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest English Lesson Short Jokes

Short english lesson jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english lesson humour may include short english class jokes also.

  1. I finished my English lessons yesterday. My mom asked me how it had gone on a scale from one to ten.

    It was Past Perfect Tense.

Share These English Lesson Jokes With Friends




English Lesson Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about english lesson you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean english grammar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english lesson pranks.

An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives

He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.

Last night I went to a trendy new bar and was approached by a beautiful young lady who said "Hey there handsome, do you come here often?"

to which I replied "no, I usually come at home, but I am open to new experiences". These English lessons are finally paying off.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

"Complete" or "Finished"?

**Here's your English lesson for the day!**
**"Complete" or "Finished"?**
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobin's response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

Looking for jokes with "Where do" and "When do"

I teach English in Japan, and my next lesson is "Where/when do". For instance, "Where do you play tennis?"
I'm looking for some clean jokes that start with either of these phrases.
So far, the only one I have is
"Where do cows go on the weekends?"
"The mooooovies."
Any help is appreciated!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Improvement

One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A high school English teacher is doing a lesson on how words modify to make new meanings.

The teacher explained: The word slap can be used as an action, a game, and a joke. You see, slap to the face is an action, slap jack is a card game, and a knee s**... is a joke.
But as you see, words need adjacent words to take on a new meaning. There is no word that can be an action, game and a joke just as it is.
A kid in the back of the room interrupted and asked, what about the word Trump?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Little Timmy's english lesson...

...was about food today.
"Good morning class" says the teacher, "today's lesson is about food! Let's start by mentioning things we can eat. Come on kids."
Sally raises her arm "bread!"
"Very good, Sally!" Says the teacher.
"Cornflakes!" says Billy.
"Good one, cornflakes! Anyone else?"
Timmy raises his hand and yells "Lamps!'
The teacher pauses for a moment, confused: "Lamps? You can't eat lamps, what made you think that?"
Timmy: "well last night I was walking past my parent's bedroom and I heard my dad say to my mom: turn off the lamp cause I'm gonna shove it down your t**...."

Language Lessons

Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:
"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"
"Flied lice!"
Just as it has done for years, this sends Nick into paroxysms of laughter, and makes Chan feel ashamed of his English skills. Chan's daughter signs him for ESL classes, and Chan works hard at improving his diction:
"Flied lice, flied lice, fried lice, fried lice, fried rice, fried rice, fried rice!"
So, Chan waits for Nick to come out the next day, and carries out his board just as Nick looks up, and as always, Nick is ready to taunt him.
"Hey, Chan!", he shouts, "What you serving with your specials today?"
Gathering himself, Chan shouts confidently across the street:
"FRIED RICE, YOU GLEEK PLICK!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

An old one my late grandmother used to tell

In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

(Irish joke, sorry guys). A teacher is giving an English lesson on the word "Contagious"...

...She asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word being used. One eager child says "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious".
"Very good!" replied the teacher, "has anybody else got an example?".
"My mummy says my laugh is contagious", said another child.
"Great answer!", said the teacher, "How about you p**...?" (apologies for the token Irish name).
"Well, our neighbour is painting his fence with a toothbrush", said p**..., "Dad says it's going to take the contagious!"

A Lesson in English

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform in bed. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123'"
The guy then asks, "What happens when I want the effect to go away."
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his best shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." It works better than he thought.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition