English Language Jokes
142 english language jokes and hilarious english language puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english language that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest English Language Short Jokes
Short english language jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The english language humour may include short english speaking jokes also.
- TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP - Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . . At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.
- I got to a party and the host said, Make yourself at home , so I got comfortable. Turns out English was not his first language, and he was asking me to leave.
- It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
- Some say that the english language is hard to learn. But you can do it through tough, thorough thought though.
- The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest? Life without parole
- My favourite word in the English language is frequently I try to use it as often as possible
- After going up to her apartment, my date told me, Make yourself at home. Turns out that English is not her first language, and she was asking me to leave.
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English Language One Liners
Which english language one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with english language? I can suggest the ones about english love and english small.
- The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and... JavaScript
- Not to brag, but I'm fluent in 10 languages. English and Binary.
- The shortest sentence in the English language is also the longest I do
- What is the most awesomely amazing word in the English language? Anticlimactic
- I can speak 10 languages. English and Binary
- Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes My first language is English.
- What are the two saddest words of the English Language? 'What party? '
- Did You Know that Diareah Problems are Hereditary It Runs In your Jeans
- English is the Devil's language Why is it spelled: camouflage
And not: - What's the longest sentence in the English language? "I do"
- You know i speak two languages too. English (US)🇺🇸 and English (UK) 🇬🇧
- Does any word in the English language contain all the vowels including Y? Unquestionably.
- What's the worst sentence in the English language? The death sentence.
- Nothing, in the English language, starts with n and ends with g Nothing
- Rule number one of the English language: The use of double negatives is a big no-no
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty English Language Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about english language you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean english new jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make english language pranks.
Saul Epstein was taking an o**... exam in his English as a Second Language class...
Saul was asked to spell "cultivate," and he spelled it correctly.
He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile,
responded: "Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but
it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home."
Outside is snowing hard.
My wife is looking thru the window with a nostalgic look.
If it is getting colder i might let her in.
PS: Sorry my native language is not english and i'm too old to learn it good.
I try to tell this joke in english :]
There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)
Double Positives.
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
I can speak any language.
I just don't understand what I'm saying in anything but english.
A skydiver jumps out of a plane...
He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)
The other day my European friend ask me about our views on l**... in this country.
Apparently, "usually in HD" was not the answer she was looking for
P.S sorry english not my native language
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...
Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."
"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"
(English, not my native language, apologies.)
A woman decides to call her friend in a foreign language while waiting in line at a grocery store.
When she finishes, a racist American man gets annoyed.
The man says, "You have to speak English in God's forsaken land of America! If you want to speak Spanish, go back to Mexico!"
The woman says, "I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England."
(Real Story) All of a sudden, my Steam language was set to Russian.
I was changing it back to English, when my hand slipped. But it's okay, now. I have everything in Czech.
Why is it so hard to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac?
They don't understand the subtle nuances of the English language, so they can't pick up on the double entendres needed to appreciate a good pun. It may be a generalization, but in my experience that's how it works out.
The fly and me
I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.
The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins
Wishing Well
English is second language.... excuse grammar
My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny
What is the longest word in the English language?
Nina:
What is the longest word in the English language?
SoSA:
SMILES: becoz there is a mile between the first and last letters! :P
The English language is bizzare
There was a young girl from Slough
Who choked on a piece of raw dough
But the time she was through
With hiccup and cough
She woke everyone in the borough
A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.
He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."
A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."
Sentences
A man is at a bar and says, "did you know that 'I am' is he shortest sentence in the English language?"
The bartender exclaims, "Did you know 'I do' is the longest one?"
(Was in the comics today so I thought I would share.)
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles.
Because it's two S's with a mile in between.
(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)
Where is the lift?
American: You mean the elevator?
English: Yes, we call it a lift.
American: It's called an elevator. We invented it.
English: And we invented the language.
What language does a flight attendant speak?
Plane English.
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Someone once told me: In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language does a double positive form a negative.
Yeah, right.
English is not my first language but I think my boss appreciates me
He always says I am this functional!
The people who designed the English language had an interesting sense of humor...
I would love to meet the guy who made up the spelling for lisp.
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
Two guys were talking...
One of they said: "One day i found a magic genius, he offered me two things: A bunch of hot women's or a good memory." What did you choose? The other said. "I can't remember..."
#ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE
Jesus walks into a bar
The barman looks up and asks "We don't serve wine here"
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten t**... instead.
Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu".
I am pretty sure about it.
A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students
He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."
A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"
People claim that in the English language, y can be a vowel
but I think that's just a myth
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
About 3.000 years ago, lived the Egyptians. In their time, they build the pyramids.
As it should be...
I think, if you're going to build pyramids.
You should do it in your own time.
(Sorry if my English isn't that great, I translated it from my language.)
George W. Bush visits Algeria.
As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."
Learning English
So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.
Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.
Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.
What's the only word in the English language that is both a word and a sentence?
Marriage.
Need-a-joke: The English language is like ________, there are lots of rules and ______________.
Not sure if this is kosher here, but I need a joke for a student's speech I'm helping with, something about English and rules.
What is the longest word in the English language
No, it's not.
An English teacher to his class...
"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"
A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"
2 cats have a swim race - one is English, the other French...
Each cat is named 'One, two, three' in its own language. Which cat won?
The English cat, because the un deux t**... cat sank.
A professor was teaching a languages course
"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"
Sure, English is a hard language to learn.
But it can definitely be understood through tough thorough thought though.
TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound!
(I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)
What's the scariest sentence in the English language?
We're going to let the people of Alabama make the call.
English is a tough language...
It's known for beating up other languages in dark alleys for little more than spare grammar and loose vocabulary.
Mayday Mayday
I need to prove to a French friend that the French language had zero influence on the English language.
Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke
(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?
Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.
I said, "Yeah, right."
Why is English considered the easiest language to learn?
Because even the Americans are decent at it!
What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is...
addictionary.
A Chinese man, who was less than proficient in the English language files for divorce. The judge asks what is the reason?
He replies " me no come, she no come, but baby come, how come?".
What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?
is it in
At Oxford's men only English language competition, 200 males were participating
The challenge was to express Peacefulness, Happiness and Calmness in a single sentence.
The person who won the competition wrote....
"My wife is sleeping."
He also received standing ovation from the audience.
Problems of language ( sorry for bad english)
Two Hungaryan policeman stops a car. The driver cant speak hungaryan so he tries to speak in english. The two policeman cant understan it and they just looking at the guy. Then the driver speaks to them in german, french, and a bunch of other languages. The policemen let him go. Then one of them says: Shouldnt we learn any languages? The other says: Why sould we? That guy knows so many languages but they still useless.
What's the shortest three-word sentence in the English language?
Is it in?
Two s**... guys...
Two s**... guys were riding a car when a policeman stopped them. The driver told his friend keep quiet, you will get us in trouble if you speak, I'll do the talking ! The policeman knocked lightly on the window motioning to them to role it down and said good evening gentlemen the driver exclaimed which w**... you are talking about ?!
Edit : English is not my first language so be kind please.
Edit 2: changed smarter to driver.
As an American who only speaks English I can make this joke (it works better irl but whatever):
A: What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages?
B: Trilingual?
A: Yup! What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?
B: Bilingual.
A: Yes! What do you call someone who speaks one language?
B: Umm, unilingual?
A: No! American!
Sorry if my English is bad
It's my native language.
English is not first language want to try joke from my country
Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?
Because he don't love no hose.
Jumping on the bandwagon: I wanna see if this Spanish joke is as funny to English speakers.
Q. What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A. Bilingual
Q. What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
A. Trilingual
Q. What do you call someone who speaks many languages?
A. Polyglot
Q. What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A. American
The English Language
Tony
Ptoughneigh
*...yes*
A linguistics professor says
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
I translated this joke into English from my native language
Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes him off the road sits on a bench next to him and asks: whats your name little boy?,,
The boy answers: Adolf h**...,,
The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor
A car thief gets brought before the judge
Judge: Why did you steel the car?
Thief: I had to get to work.
Judge: And why didn't you take the bus instead?
Thief: I've got no licence for driving a bus.
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
What is the longest word in the English language?
"smiles"...
The first and last letters are a mile apart
A linguistics professor says during a lecture...
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
