English Football Jokes
10 english football jokes and hilarious english football puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about english football that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Uproarious English Football Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What is a good english football joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup?
Stop playing FIFA and go to bed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
English Football joke.
A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a
breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man
is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'
So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then
pulls out another card which read 'this man is anemic, please
do not take his blood'. Finally the police, getting p**... off asks
him to take a u**... test, finally the man pulled out his
Manchester United season ticket which read 'this man is a
Manchester United fan, please do not take the p**....
(Edit works with other teams as well.)
Some breaking English football news.
Arsenal are to allow their goal keepers, to train without a mask,
club doctors confirm.
There's no way they can catch anything..
The English national football team
Really is coming home now...
I find it amusing Americans call it soccer and the English call it football
Just like how I find it amusing the English call it shooting range and the Americans call it school
A little known fact about English footballer Danny Welbeck.
His father was a bomb disposal expert called Stan.
England and Ethiopia recently played each other in a football match
After a tough match, with both opponents clashing, the scoreline ended in English 8 - Ethiopia Didn't
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Black fathers and English football have in common?
Neither of them are coming home
The Memory Man
A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
So the Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".
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