England Football Jokes
19 england football jokes and hilarious england football puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about england football that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest England Football Short Jokes
Short england football jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The england football humour may include short english football jokes also.
- The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday.. "It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
- What's the difference between Maddie mccann and the England football team Only one of them is coming home
- England's relationship with football is a lot like the dad who went out for cigarettes. We keep saying he is coming home. But never does.
- What's the difference between my son and the England national football team? My son stopped disappointing me after 52 years.
- England and Ethiopia recently played each other in a football match After a tough match, with both opponents clashing, the scoreline ended in English 8 - Ethiopia Didn't
- England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for "Scotland's favourite Englishman."
- What is the similarity between the USA, England, and Australia? Their favourite sports is Football.
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England Football One Liners
Which england football one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with england football? I can suggest the ones about england world cup and england final.
- What do football and Europe have in common? England doesn't was to be part of either.
- England football team are great at holding on in extra time.
- What do terrorists and the England football team have in common? They will never win
Howlingly Hilarious England Football Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about england football you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean england lost jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make england football pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would an English football fan do if England won the World Cup?
Stop playing FIFA and go to bed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Queen of England doesn't know much about American football...
But she does wish someone would do something about those troublesome Patriots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL the New England Patriots can't play as well with a well oiled European football.
Greece inflates everything in Europe.
Can you help out my friend?
A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.
Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.
The Memory Man
A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
So the Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three football teams (Arsnel, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsnel says, "I think we might go hungry..."