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Engineer Jokes

155 engineer jokes and hilarious engineer puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about engineer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh along with these hilarious jokes featuring engineers and other professions. From engineer vs. doctor to engineer and accountant, these jokes will crack you up. Read about escalators, designer, calculations and more! Engineer vs. physicist, engineer and lawyer, and engineer birthday jokes are covered in this article.

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Popular Engineer Short Jokes

Short engineer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The engineer humour may include short mechanic jokes also.

  1. How many apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
  2. A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
  3. As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. German engineering is flawless.
  4. As a german I have to ask: You know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.
  5. I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
  6. Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?
    Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.
    Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.
  7. How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
  8. What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheel, wooden seats, and a wooden engine? It wooden go.
  9. Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
    Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
    Realist sees light from incoming train.
    Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
  10. I've got a friend who is a structural engineer. He's always complaining about stress at work.

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Engineer One Liners

Which engineer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with engineer? I can suggest the ones about technician and architect.

  1. I have a polish friend who is an audio engineer and a Czech one too. Czech one too.
  2. I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex.
  3. What do british nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
  4. IamA Bing search engine AMA Please. Just ask me something.
  5. What do you call an Engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
  6. What's the engineering term for a one night stand? A nut and bolt.
  7. Three database engineers walk into a bar… … they couldn't find a table.
  8. What do you call a fear of overly engineered buildings? A complex complex complex.
  9. Engines are like jokes. They only work if the timing is right.
  10. I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer ... ... and a Czech one too.
  11. I asked the engineer, "What's 2+2?" He replied, "4 ... No, 5 just to be safe."
  12. A man is using Yahoo as his default search engine...
  13. What do you get when Gandalf and Bilbo are your network engineers? A Tolkien Ring Network
  14. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
  15. I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines... ...it was just plane boring.

It Engineer Jokes

Here is a list of funny it engineer jokes and even better it engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
  • My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.
  • Don't you just hate it when med students call themselves doctors? I mean you don't see engineering students calling themselves engineers or arts students calling themselves baristas
  • What is College Feminism? What is college feminism?
    10.000 women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren't enough female engineers
  • A QA Engineer walks into a bar... Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 9999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sjfkalrtbwc.
  • What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? A doctor can only kill one person at a time.
  • What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common? Both are measured in revolutions per minute.
  • Engineers What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons.
    Civil engineers build targets.
  • Whats the difference between engineering and religion? Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.
  • A science graduate asks the question why? A science graduate asks the question why?
    An engineering graduate asks the question how?
    An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Mechanical Engineer Jokes

Here is a list of funny mechanical engineer jokes and even better mechanical engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
  • I told her I'm a mechanical engineer I can't fix her car, but I can screw, nut, and bolt.
  • Why did the Mechanical Engineer stop studying material science? They just couldn't handle the stress.
  • I'm starting an anger management group for mechanical engineers. I'm calling it Machine Against the Rage
  • A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him She texts him : "your new vehicle has been launched".
    He replies : " is it with gear stick or automatic?"
  • Mechanical engineers They're not rocket scientists but they are sprocket scientists.
  • A person who was promised 72 virgins is very excited when he goes to heaven He goes to God and asks where he can find them
    God sends him to the mechanical engineering branch in India
  • Reed Richards posses a mastery of mechanical, aerospace, electrical engineering, chemistry and biology But we all know why he's called Mr. Fantastick.
  • Why did the mechanical engineer get kicked out of the club? It was all civil until he walked in.
  • What does a mechanical engineer have in common with a social justice warrior? Tolerance
Engineer joke, What does a mechanical engineer have in common with a social justice warrior?

Electrical Engineer Jokes

Here is a list of funny electrical engineer jokes and even better electrical engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering... is keeping up with Current Events.
  • What do electrical engineers call their friends? Ohmies
  • My girlfriend wanted me to make her feel like she's the only girl in the world. So I signed her up for Electrical Engineering.
  • So an electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors. The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.
  • What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
  • What did the electrical engineer have for breakfast? An ohmelette.
  • Why don't electrical engineers get girls? Because they can resistor.
  • What do you call an electrical engineer trying to solve an issue? Sherlock Ohms
  • If Google made a car would it be electric? No, a search engine.
  • what did the buddhist say to the electrical engineer? 'ohmmmmmmmm'

Engineer Mathematician Jokes

Here is a list of funny engineer mathematician jokes and even better engineer mathematician puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do mathematicians become engineers? You just gotta apply yourself.
  • A mathematician, an accountant and a sound engineer walk into a restaurant, how many seats at the table do they need? 3, they all count
  • Two engineers walk into a bar.. And order two beers.
    The bartender says "I was expecting infinite number of mathematicians"
    The engineer says "Nah. We just like to round off!"
  • What's 2 x 2? Mathematician : 4
    Physicist : 4.0
    Statistician : 4 with an error of 0.1 either way
    Engineer : about 4 but I'll say 6 to be on the safe side.
  • A mathematician asks an engineer if he brought any pi... the engineer responds "Don't worry, I brought 3."
  • A Mathematician, a Biologist, and an Engineer walk into a bar. Nobody there cares about their professions, and they just order drinks.
  • I don't know how many letters are in the alphabet... ...I'm an engineer not a mathematician.

Engineer And Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny engineer and doctor jokes and even better engineer and doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
    I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed
  • Men get paid more than women because they choose high paying careers like doctor, engineer, and CEO Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO
  • I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer" you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.
  • Job choices for Asians 1. Doctor
    2. Lawyer
    3. Engineer
    4. Shame of family
  • What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? A doctor kills people one at a time.
  • Why did the biologist lock himself in jail with an engineer, a physicist and a medical doctor? Because he wanted to work with STEM Cells
  • A network engineer goes to the doctor...... He told the doctor, "It hurts when IP"
  • What does prosthetics engineers do? They give orthopedic doctors a hand.
  • IT hurts Rick Grimes: A network engineer went to the doctor.
    Coral: Shut up, Dad!
    RG: He said, "It hurts when I pee".
    Coral: .......
    RG: IT Hertz when IP, Coral!
  • Why did Michael Jackson see a software engineer instead of a medical doctor? Because he had a race condition.
Engineer joke, Why did Michael Jackson see a software engineer instead of a medical doctor?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about engineer can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of engineer puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Engineer Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about engineer you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean designer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make engineer prank.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's s**.... You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.
The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
The engineer places his head under the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says:
'Wait a minute, I see your problem...'

A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole...

...A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.
"26 feet 6 inches" She says to the two perplexed engineers, and then walks off.
One engineer looks at the other and says, "Typical blonde. We want the height and she gives us the length!"

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?
Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river

The anti-vaxxer asks "What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?"
The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely."
The anti-vaxxer then says "Forget it, I'll swim."

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.

The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."

A Mechanical Engineer, a software engineer and a purchasing agent...

..are on their way to an industry event when their rental car gets a flat tire. The purchasing agent says
"We need to buy a new tire"
the mechanical engineer says
"no, I think I can fix this one"
and the software engineer says,
"let's drive on it for a while, maybe it'll fix itself."

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.
Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.
The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.
The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar

Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our d**... drinks

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

God the Engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"

Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start

The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway...

The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets all get out of the car and get back in"

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Three engineers were arguing.

The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."

A woman says to her engineer husband...

"Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."

A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday...

Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built.
Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the flight attendant asked the professor why he hadn't left the plane too he responded "I know the abilities of my students quite well... this s**... won't even start".

Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.

They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"

Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"

Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

God must be an engineer.

Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God
must have designed the human body. The first says, 'God must be a mechanical engineer.
Look at all the joints."
The second says,"I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections." The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Most Intelligent But Funniest

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...

A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.

They are shown into a room where a n**... woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

Why don't A.I. engineers need a resume?

They just let their projects speak for themselves.

A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.

The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says...

... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full...

An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh
Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

A priest, lawyer, and engineer are about to be executed by guillotine.

The priest puts his head in but the blade doesn't fall. He proclaims god has saved him, and is let go.
The lawyer is next, and again the blade doesn't fall. He states that he can not be charged more than once for the same crime, so he is also let go.
The engineer puts his head into the path of the blade, but the blade still doesn't fall. He looks up and says, Oh. I see your problem.

A Doctor and engineer

A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.
Doctor used to give her a rose daily
and engineer used to give the girl an apple.
Girl got confused and asked engineer : There is a meaning of giving rose in Love,
Why are you giving apple ?
Engineer answered : Because
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away".

There once was an engineer and a doctor, but they both loved the same woman.

The doctor would give the woman a rose every day to show his love.
The engineer would give her an apple every day.
This confused her, so she asked the engineer about it.
"The doctor gives me a rose because a rose signifies love, what is this apple supposed to mean?"
The engineer replied, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

Engineer joke, There once was an engineer and a doctor, but they both loved the same woman.

jokes about engineer

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these engineer jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.