Engine Oil Jokes
17 engine oil jokes and hilarious engine oil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about engine oil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Engine Oil Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good engine oil joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Man Keeps the Engine Running
A rich 65 year old white man get's himself a gorgeous 23 year old woman. The couple was happy and were planning to start a family.
After a few months as a married couple, the old man gets his wife pregnant. While at the hospital getting ready to deliver the baby:
* **Nurse**: Wow sir, its amazing how you still managed to get you wife pregnant at your age, whats your seceret?
* **Old Man**: Oh you know, you have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, that is amazing.
After the delivering their baby, 5 years later the Old man gets his wife pregnant again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:
* **Nurse**: Sir, you did it again, this is amazing, what is your secret?
* **Old Man**: Same as last time, you just have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, sir. You are a trooper.
The couple had 2 beautiful children and were happy, but 5 years later the man got his wife pregnant yet again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:
* **Nurse**: "Sir this is truly incredible, you are 75 years old and you got your wife pregnant again, what is your secret?"
* **Old Man**: "Like I told you before! you have to keep the engine running!"
* **Nurse**: "Well sir, it may be time for you to change the oil because this one came out black."
An engineer and a machinist are tasked with drilling a hole into a the deck of a ship.
They arrive on site, the engineer confirms the position of the hole, the machinist starts drilling. Before they reach the required depth, oil starts spewing out the flutes of the drill bit -- they've drilled into the oil tank.
"How're we gonna explain this to the boss?" -- asks the machinist.
"Look, buddy, I have no idea what *we* are gonna do, but what *I'm* gonna do is move that hole 5 inches to the left on the blueprint."
Trading places
On a ship the Captain and the Chief Engineer were having a friendly argument as to who had the most important job. So they agreed to exchange jobs for the next day.
After a few hours the Captain, covered in oil and sweat, called the Chief Engineer over and said, "It's no good, no matter what I do the engine won't start."
The Chief Engineer just looked at him and said, "I wouldn't worry about it. We ran aground three hours ago. "
Never seek advice from a man..
I am a lady aged 26, and my husband is 34. I left my husband with the maid and our baby at home. After driving for just about 2km from home, my car engine started to over heat. So I had to return and get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I Don't know what to do. Please help me!!!
*Advice:*
Over heating of the engine after such a short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator. You need to check the oil and water levels in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid such problems in future. I hope my answer will help solve your problem.
What do an un-oiled engine and an epilepsy patient have in common?
Seizures.
This 80 years old rich old man marries a young lady
Within a year, she is pregnant.
Nurse at the delivery room is impressed - "how do you do it?"
"You gotta keep that old engine running, you know".
Next year, they are back again. Same nurse asks, "how do you do it?"
"You gotta keep that old engine running, you know".
Year after, they are back again. This time the proud father doesn't wait for the question, he knows it's coming. So, as soon as she sees the nurse after the delivery, he goes "you gotta keep that old engine running, you know."
"Well", the nurse replies, "it's time to change oil I guess. This one is black."
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona...
...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
The reason men aren't allowed to run advice in "Love Columns" in magazines and newspapers..
Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about two miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help!
Reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburettor. You need to check your oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future.
Hope this helped you.
The reason why men are not allowed to give advice in love-columns of magazines
Anita:
"Hi! I'm a lady aged 26, married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about 2 miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I turned back to get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid!!! I don't what to do now. Please help."
Reply by male columnist:
"Dear Anita,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor. You need to check the oil and coolant level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future. Hope this helps.".
PS: Clichéd, but still funny in my opinion!
You gotta keep the car and engine running
80 year old Jim marrined 18 year old Linda and he was the towns envy. Soon Linda got pregnant and was at the hospital giving birth. The nurse told Jim,"Its amazing you managed to do this at your age". Jim replied,"well one has gotta keep the car and engine running"
Soon a year later they were at the hospital again with Linda giving birth to another one and nurse remarked,"wow its amazing yiu did it again" Jim replied,"as i said you gotta keep the car and egine running"
and again a year later Linda gave birth again and Jim told the nurse,"as i said you gotta keep the car and engine running" The nurse replied,"thats true but you might wanna change the engine oil as this one's black"
A penguin is driving his car...
A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
A wealthy old man marries a young woman...
Before long they are in the hospital delivering their first baby.
"Congratulations its a healthy boy," the doctor says to the elderly man. "How did you do it at your age?"
"Well Doc, I just have a great running engine." the man replies.
A few years later the man and his wife return to have their second baby. Again the doctor congratulates the old man, and asks again, "How do you have the energy keep having these children?"
Again the man says, "I told you Doc. I have a great running engine!"
The man and his wife return again a few years later for their third baby. Troubled, the doctor says to the man, "I'm very sorry, but your engine appears to be burning oil, because this baby came out black."
I think my wife is cheating on me
I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
An 80 year old man and his 25 year old pregnant wife are in hospital.
The old man's young wife manages to give birth to a healthy baby. After the birth, the midwife goes up to the old man in private and says, "I know this is none of my business, but how can someone as old as you manage to have a baby with someone who is as young as your wife is?" The old man laughs and says "You've just got to keep the engine running, if you know what I mean!"
A year later, the same couple are back in the hospital to have another baby. The same midwife delivers the baby, and again, she asks the same question, even more intrigued. Again, the man gives the same answer: "You've just got to keep the engine running."
The very next year, the couple again are back in hospital to have yet another baby. This time, the midwife says to the old man, "This time, I want a proper answer: how could someone as old as you have a baby with someone so young?" The old man says, "I keep on telling you: you've just got to keep the engine running!" The midwife replies, "Well, looks like you've forgotten to oil your engine." "What do you mean?" asks the old man.
"Your baby is black."
So a penguin and a seal are in a car...
The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming under the hot engine. Fortunately, they see a service station across the street. So, fighting the heat, they push the car to the shop and ask the mechanic to look at it while they go eat. By this time, the penguin and the seal are about ready to melt, so the penguin orders a huge bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, he realizes that he cannot use a spoon. Abandoning all composure, the penguin buries his face in the ice cream, getting it all over himself. Meanwhile, the seal enjoys a shrimp basket. Finally, the two finish and go back to the mechanic. "Well," he says from under the hood, "it looks like you just blew a seal."
"Nope," replied the penguin, still wiping his face. "Just ice cream."
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Engine Oil One Liners
Which engine oil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with engine oil? I can suggest the ones about car oil and changing oil.
- What do an un-oiled engine and an epilepsy patient have in common? Seizures.