Engine Light Jokes
48 engine light jokes and hilarious engine light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about engine light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Engine Light Short Jokes
Short engine light jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The engine light humour may include short brake light jokes also.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - How do I get rid of my 'Check Engine' light on my dash? I opened the hood and it's all there
- A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light... There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
- How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb ? None.
They redefine broken as the new standard. - We optical engineers are often called "narrow-focused" and "myopic". But, when viewed through the right lens, we represent a diverse spectrum of light-hearted people.
- Even though I have an Engineering degree and I've re-wired my house to add updated lighting... People are typically shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician.
- General Motors will introduce 2 new warning lights for their cars! One to tell you that you need a new engine and the other to tell you that you need a new car.
- How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. There are no formula sheets for that.
- A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees the train coming towards them, but… The engineer sees three idiots on the tracks
- The pessimist sees a tunnel The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a train.
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
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Engine Light One Liners
Which engine light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with engine light? I can suggest the ones about traffic light and signal light.
- Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda? The Czech engine light is always on.
- My check engine light came on, so I popped the hood my engine was still there.
- What do you get from a malfunctioning Skoda? A Czech engine light
- The problem with driving a Yugo... ... is that the Czech engine light is always on.
- How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. That's maintenance's job.
- Why did Martina Navratilova go to Autozone? Because her Czech engine light came on.
- Check engine light turns on. Yup, it's still there
Engine Light Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about engine light you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean headlights jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make engine light pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
The pope was visiting New York
His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.
"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back.
The pope had not driven a car for ages and the limousine had a powerful engine so he raced through the streets of New York running red lights and breaking the speed limit. This had to draw a lot of attention and soon he was pulled over by a traffic cop.
As the pope rolled down the window the cop could see that this was not an ordinary speeding case. He went back to his car to call his superiors on the radio.
"I've pulled someone over and I'm not sure what to do. I can tell it's a VIP but I'm not sure who it is"
"A VIP? Don't tell me it's the police commissioner again!"
"No. It's not him. It's someone more important."
"More important? Is it the mayor?"
"No. It's not him either. It's someone more important than the mayor"
"More important than the mayor? Are you telling me you've pulled over the president?"
"No. Not the president either. I's someone more important"
"More important? Who can be more important than the president?"
"I don't know! I just know he's so important that he's got the pope as his driver!"
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.
A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.
A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.
Nervous about flying
I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it
didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering.
I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said.
Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by
turning off all the lights.
A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."
A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.
A man in a Porsche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride. They try to fit the hippy's bike into the trunk of the man's Porche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike. Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, "I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I'll drive you along. If I'm going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike." The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode. The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini. They're racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, "Dispatch you'll never believe what I just saw. I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Emergency Landing
A pilot was flying at night when his engine quit, so he hurriedly looked up what to do in the flight manual.
"First, establish a stable glide speed. Turn the landing light on. If the terrain appears unsuitable for a forced landing, turn the landing light off."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician and an engineer agree to a psychological experiment.
The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a
beautiful n**... woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room.
The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the engineer in.
He explains the situation, and the engineer's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?"
The engineer smiles and replied, "Of course! But in less than half an hour, I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
A penguin is driving his car...
A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
The greatest invention
One day the teacher asked her 2nd grade class what the greatest invention was. Several kids responded with answers like "The light bulb" and "The gas-powered engine".
When it was Little Cedric's turn to answer, he proudly declared "The THERMOS."
The amused teacher asked Little Cedric to explain.
Little Cedric said "The THERMOS is the greatest invention ever because it keeps hot liquids *hot* and it also keeps cold liquids *cold*."
The teacher asked why that qualifies as *the* greatest invention of *all time*.
Little Cedric bellowed "HOW DOES IT *KNOW!?*"
Missing report
A husband went to the police station to file a missing report
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Officer: -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Officer: -Slim or healthy?
Husband: -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Officer: -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Officer : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Officer : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Officer : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Officer : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door... and then the husband started
crying...
How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was.
Light bulb classics. Light 'em up
1) How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does not compute. It's a hardware problem.
Missing wife
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Inspector : -Slim or healthy?.
Husband : -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Inspector : -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Inspector : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Inspector : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Inspector : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Inspector : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door... and then the husband started crying...
Inspector: -Don't worry sir,...We will find your car.
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona...
...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
Husband: I lost my wife says to Inspector
Husband: I lost my wife; she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: what is her height?
Husband: I never checked.
Inspector: Slim or Healthy?
Husband: Not Slim can be healthy.
Inspector: color of eyes?
Husband: Never Notice.
Inspector: color of hair?
Husband: Changes According to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: yes.
Inspector: Color of the car? ...
Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 2.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door….an then the Husband started crying…
Inspector: Don not worry sir,… we will find your car.
A starship engineer trades half their ship's cargo...
For a sub light engine. The captain finds out and is angry:
"Why did you trade valuable cargo for something 1/10th the value?"
The engineer replies: "Sorry captain, it was an impulse buy"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero. It was engineered properly the first time and does not require changing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
A penguin is driving when he sees a check engine light on. He takes his car to the mechanic and then goes for ice cream.
A penguin is driving when he sees a check engine light on. He takes his car to the mechanic and then goes for ice cream. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says It looks like you blew a seal. No no, the penguin replies, it's just vanilla ice cream.
Electric engineer exam
3 students are getting prepared for the exam.
The teacher calls one in.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
First sudent: No.
Teacher: Get out please!
Calls in the next one.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
Second student: Yes.
Teacher: Get out please!
Calls in the last.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
Last student: It's an argon lamp.
Teacher: Finally! We can start now.
How many Elon Musk does it take to change a light bulb?
Just 1. Then 0 because we'll engineer a robot to do it automatically.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You might be a r**... if you know computer science.
My car engine light needs advanced programming to overcome.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three gentlemen were discussing about the oldest job in the world...
A doctor, an electrical engineer and a lawyer were talking about who had the most ancient profession.
The doctor said: "Well, god was the first doctor, for he created life itself, so my profession is the oldest!"
The electrical engineer replied: "But wait, before that, God said 'may there be light!' so he clearly was an electrical engineer! Because, before that, there was only chaos!"
"And who the h**... you think created chaos!?" Replied the lawyer.