engine Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious engine puns

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

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Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."


The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"


"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"

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IamA Bing search engine AMA

Please. Just ask me something.

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Drunk guys and a Taxi

Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We're here". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Slow the hell down next time, you nearly killed us!"

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"If you win the lottery,

the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.







"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.







"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.







"My point exactly."

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2 engineers on a bike

two engineers were biking across a university campus when one said,"where did you get such a great bike?" the second engineer replied, "well, i was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "take what you want."" the first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

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What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine?

It wooden go.

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The best engine in the world

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.

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A priest and a rabbi are traveling in a airplane full of kids when the engine blows up...

...It is an emergency and the plane is going to crash. They both rush to don the only 2 emergency parachutes.

Rabbi: We are holy men. We deserve to live.

Priest: What about the kids?

Rabbi: Fuck the kids.

Priest: Do you think there is time?

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An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

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Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start

The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".

The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".

The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".

The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

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Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."

The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."

The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."

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What's the engineering term for a one night stand?

A nut and bolt.

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Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,

"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"

The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."

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An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

Where did you get such a rocking bike? asked the first.

The second engineer replied Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'

The second engineer nodded approvingly Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit!

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A QA Engineer walks into a bar...

Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 9999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sjfkalrtbwc.

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What engineers want.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Engineers

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

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Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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Three drunk guys enter a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?".

The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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Engineering Joke

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Two engineering students are walking through campus

One pushing a bike. The second asks "Where'd you get such a great bike?"

The first engineer replies, "Well, I was walking along the other day, just minding my own business, when a gorgeous girl rode up to me on her bike, threw it to the ground, stripped off all her clothes and said 'Take whatever you want!'"

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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Two engineering students were walking across campus..

..when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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What do engineers and dogs have in common?

They both have that bright spark in their eyes but are crap at communicating what they mean.

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Four engineers riding in a car -

it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start

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A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light...

There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.

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Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!

Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off

Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out

Bad news: The parachute failed midair

Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him

Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with sh!t

Good news: He didn't land on the sh!t

Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

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A Woody Joke

What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car


With Wooden Seats


Wooden Tires


And A Wooden Engine?


It Wooden't Start

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Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis?

It wooden go.

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A man is using Yahoo as his default search engine...

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Three drunks and a taxi driver

3 drunk guys entered a taxi . The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd guy knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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Did you hear the one about the wooden car? With the wooden wheels? And the wooden engine?

.... it wooden work

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What are the most funny Engine jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Engine? Well, here are the best Engine dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Engine pick up lines to share with friends.

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