Engagement Ring Jokes
42 engagement ring jokes and hilarious engagement ring puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about engagement ring that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Engagement Ring Short Jokes
Short engagement ring jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The engagement ring humour may include short engagement jokes also.
- Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- If I worked in a restaurant.... on valentines day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.
- I asked my partner what sort of engagement ring she'd like. "One that's a bit like you," she said.
"Full of sparkle?"
"Cheap and round," she replied. - I read that if you're unsure about how much to spend on an engagement ring, a monthly pay check is a good guideline. So I spent £200 and gave most of the ring to our landlord.
- The four rings of marriage. The Engagement ring, the Wedding ring, Enduring and, Suffering.
- Is he cheap? He'd marry a thin girl because she could wear a smaller sized engagement ring.
Source: 1913 newspaper - There were three rings in OJ Simpson's marriage. First, they had the engagement ring. After that, they had the wedding ring. And finally, there was the murdering.
- Customer told me this yesterday... First comes the engagement ring...followed by the marriage ring...but no one ever told me what came after that. The suffering.
- There are 3 types of rings common to the millennial marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.
Share These Engagement Ring Jokes With Friends
Engagement Ring One Liners
Which engagement ring one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with engagement ring? I can suggest the ones about wedding rings and diamond ring.
- If we become engaged will you give me a ring? Sure, what's your phone number?
- Where did baby Toby go for his engagement ring? He went to Jareth!
- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- Honey ? Your engagement ring hurt me ! It's not my ring, it's my watch...
- Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings? De Beers
- There's three rings of marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the f**...
- Where do r**... get their engagement rings? Special k
Laughable Engagement Ring Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about engagement ring you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean long engagement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make engagement ring pranks.
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage.
Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
The Golf Club Mobile Phone
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at the shopping centre," she says, "and I've found a beautiful leather coat. It's £450. Can I buy it?"
"OK," he replies, "go ahead and buy it if you like it that much."
"Thanks," she replies. "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and had a close look at the 2003 models. I saw one that I really liked."
"How much was it?" asks the man.
"£37,000," she replies.
"For that price," he says, "I want it with all the options."
"Great," she says, "just one more thing. That house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking £750,000 for it now."
The man says, "Well then, go ahead and buy it, but don't offer more than £720,000."
"OK," she says, "I'll see you later. I love you."
"Bye, I love you too." he says and then hangs up.
The other men in the locker room who heard all of this conversation are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he shouts out aloud, "Does anyone know who this mobile phone belongs to?"
Relationships are a progression of 4 rings.
First is the "Friendship" ring, when dating is exclusive, but there's no more commitment
Second is the Engagement ring, when two people are so in love that they want to get married.
Third is the Wedding ring, worn when two people make a life-long commitment to each other during a ceremory attended by their friends.
Fourth and finally - is the Suffering. Starts about a year after Step 3.
The Perfect Husband.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: Hello?
WOMAN: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 25,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: Rs. 55,40,000.″
MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing… the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 1,95,00,000″
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of Rs. 1,50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 45 lakhs if it's really a pretty good price.
WOMAN: Ok. I'll see you later! I love you so much!
MAN: Bye! I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks: Anyone know who this phone belongs to?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ring
A boyfriend and a girlfriend have been together for nine love-filled years. On the day of their 9th anniversary, they walk by the park of their first date and he gives her a little black box. The girlfriend is shocked and is holding back a big smile. As she opens it, she sees that it was only earrings. She proceeds to yell at him and say "We've been together nine years and still not married and you give me earrings?! Next year, you better come with a ring!"
Next year on their 10th anniversary, he takes her out to a fancy dinner and then they go back to his place to have some more wine and play some romantic music. They begin to have s**... on his bed and during s**..., she notices something poking at her more than usual but she ignores it. When he finishes, he asks her "Take off my c**...." Confused, she takes off the used c**... from him and looks inside with a squint and notices an engagement ring floating inside the c**...!
"I didn't forget what you said! I came with a ring!"
Guy goes engagement ring shopping
A guy goes engagement ring shopping and finally picks out a ring after debating on how much to spend on the ring. The owner looks at the young man's nervous face and tells him, "don't worry, you can always upgrade in a few years."
The guy looks confused and asks, "you do plastic surgery here too?"
Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?
They only work 10% of the time.
I'm planning a marriage proposal over the phone.
I will give her a ring. Let's hope she is not engaged!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do an engagement ring and a child m**... have in common?
They both come in a little box.
After all these years, I decided to buy myself an engagement ring
I finally realized that I can't live without myself.
Who's worse a graverobber or a necrophiliac?
One cold-bloodedly gets engagement rings from the deceased, and the other gets diseases from their engagement with cold-blooded rings.
I was talking to my Grandpa about how to propose to my girlfriend
He asked me if I had any ideas for what three rings I was going to get.
Confused I asked what he meant by three.
"First and engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, followed by the suffering" He whispered
Why buy an iPhone X?
If you feel the need to spend that kind of money on something that will be obsolete in 3 years, buy an engagement ring
A guy gives his girl an engagement ring. She puts it on her finger and slaps him in the face.
He was Au stricken.
My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged
She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"
I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet
Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..
Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.