Enemy Jokes
115 enemy jokes and hilarious enemy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about enemy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Enemy Short Jokes
Short enemy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The enemy humour may include short evil jokes also.
- TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy Oops, wrong sub
- Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more I asked for 120/80 blood pressure
- Two women who are best friends are talking. "Martha, if I slept with your husband, would we remain friends?"
"No."
"So, we'll be enemies then?
"No."
"What would we be then?
"Even." - Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid? To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.
- The new French tanks have 14 gears 13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
- Why did the pianist switch to accordion? He needed a portable instrument to chase away his enemies.
- I have a rival, but I can only fight him when we meet up under curved architectural structures. He's my arch enemy.
- Not to be a racist But I feel the natural enemies of the Klingons shouldn't be humans it should be the Teflons.
- Did you hear about the soldier who snuck behind enemy lines disguised as a Christmas tree? He was a decorated veteran.
- Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes? "Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?"
"Yes, that's assault."
"I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"
Share These Enemy Jokes With Friends
Enemy One Liners
Which enemy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with enemy? I can suggest the ones about neighbor and threat.
- Why would the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base.
- Chuck Norris killed 50 enemy combatants with a grenade Then the grenade exploded.
- What do you call a knight encircled in enemies? Sir Rounded
- I once killed an enemy soldier by cutting off his feet. I defeated him.
- Some acids walked into the enemy base... Threat Neutralized.
- What do you call 2 potatoes that hate each other? Starch enemies
- What do you call a fake enemy? A faux!
- What do the English use to blow up their enemies? Tea N' Tea.
- What is the lizards greatest natural enemy? An independently informed people.
- How do you defeat your enemies? Chop off their feet.
- What do you call it when you create a copy of your enemy's toe? Foe toe Synthesis
- Alcohol is our worst enemy Good thing Jesus taught us all to love our enemies.
- Always hug your enemies Then you'll know what size the hole needs to be in your garden
- What did the proud pirate dad say after seeing his son torch an enemy ship? Arr, son.
- How does a non binary Samurai finish their enemy ? They slash Them
Enemy Lines Jokes
Here is a list of funny enemy lines jokes and even better enemy lines puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I call the day I got my vasectomy "V-Day." It was the day I occupied my western front and took out enemy lines.
- [CS:GO] What do you call low-level players who line up for the enemy team? A Silver Eclipse.
- What did the General say when the enemy broke through his line? "Darn, all my clothes in the mud."
Enemy Forces Jokes
Here is a list of funny enemy forces jokes and even better enemy forces puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An electrical current joins the air force He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.
Laughter Enemy Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about enemy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mates jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make enemy pranks.
An old man is being interviewed on live TV
Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what's your secret?
During the war, I s**... off a enemy soldier in exchange for food.
I meant about your age.
Ah… Eating healthy.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
In order to understand your enemy, you must walk a mile in his shoes.
If he's still your enemy after that, at least he's a mile away and hasn't got any shoes.
Who's Zombies greatest enemy?
Necrophiliacs
There is a guy in my area p**... on people's cars.
He's currently public enemy number 2.
Thor, upon his mighty steed, approaches his enemy, Thanos. Thanos asks "Who might you be?"
"I AM THORRRR!!!"
His horse perks up and says "Well, then wear a thaddle thilly."
What is a Knight in Shining Armors greatest enemy?
An itch.
What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hotdog?
he relished it
Are you the enemy of my enemy?
Asking for a friend.
What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?
Beep Beep Beep...
Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?
Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."
TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine.
Oops, wrong sub!
Carbs
are my starch enemy.
Guy joins the Army...
... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"
Why did the general order his soldiers to blow a horn as they charged the enemy?
It was strategically sound.
How do you call Anakin Skywalker's padawan after getting tased by enemy?
A shocked Tano.
Perry was busy building a defensive palisade around the Musketeer compound, but it was leaning over badly.
Suddenly Porthos spots the enemy and yells 'Attack! Perry, REPOST!'
Batman took some flak going to the Police Ball dressed as the Joker
But sometimes he's his own worst enemy.
"Our battle plans look wonderful on the map" said the General...
"It's a pity the enemy doesn't follow them."
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?
Because they have a common enemy
If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.
But if she shoots up a lot of h**..., she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.
How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.
One man he is rapper
He go to rap battle
He say to he enemy: i will make sick rap now
So what he do: he pull out chicken and salad and he put all in burrito bread and he roll and he say: here this wrap it is very tasty: eat it!!
He enemy: oh yes, this taste really good, it is a sick wrap!
so both go home and are not hungry^^^^^^^^^^freelx
A captain and his crew...
A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."
Enemy: "You wouldn't want to be in the group of people that I hate" You:"why?"
Enemy: "because it's a minority group."
"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND WE MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD FOR ANYTHING"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"Oh rad, bring it in"
Why is gravity your enemy?
Because it is keeping you down.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Soldier?
He used specialist Tic-Tacs to infiltrate the enemy base.
In light of the latest North Korea missile failure...
America is no longer their greatest enemy...
The Ocean, however, is!
[True story] My girlfriend told me tonight that sugar was my enemy.
I replied "You know what they say. Keep your enemies closer than your friends."
I was layin a brick wall, when all the sudden my neighbour shot it into pieces with a small howitzer.
He immediately became my mortar enemy.
I'm a Christian
That's why I drink. People say v**... is my enemy and Jesus always said we should love our enemies.
There was three pilots...
Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "b**... run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".
What did the waiter do to his enemy to take revenge?
He served him right
What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?
Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe
Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...
- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait
1. Israel
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?
Mussolini, because he was the fascist
Colorado Springs police are looking for the 'Mad p**...'.
The jogger is suspected in a s**...-and-run incident. She's been declared public enemy number two. So far they've been unable to flush her out.
I've made a bard/rogue for DnD...
His signature move is seducing the enemy with a dozen kisses, from shoulder to ear.
But apprently our party forbids neck-romancey
Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.
The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.
Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.
Have you heard about the new French tank? It had fourteen motors.
13 go in reverse.
The last one goes forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind.
Marriage is the only war....
.....where you sleep with your enemy.
The new french tank has 14 gears
Thirteen go backwards, one goes forwards in case the enemy attacks from behind
In war, a general sees an enemy soldier who has his arm in a hole filled with water
"Let's avoid him", he tells his adjutant. "He's well armed."
If we were at war with sea urchins from Yemen...
... we would have enemy Yemeni anemones.
[OC] Does the Clown Fish have an enemy?
Anemone is its friend.
A reporter once asked a Marine s**......
"What do you feel whenever you shoot an enemy?"
The Marine shrugged and replied "recoil".
I once killed someone by making him s**... some detergent.
Enemy neutralised.
A seasoned general, surveying the battlefield with his lieutenant, sees an enemy soldier with his arm in a hole full of water
"Let's avoid him", the general says to the lieutentant. "He's well-armed."
I'm really lonely. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Although that's because I have no enemies to wish it on.
Today, Switzerland face Sweden in the World Cup. The strategy for both sides is simple:
Dash towards the enemy until they are neutralized.
After the war, an italian soldier is decorated for not giving informations to the enemy, while he was captured. When asked how did he managed, he said:
I had my hands tied.
Lawyers are like mustard gas
When used by the enemy, it's a vile, dirty, despicable trick.
When used by your side, it's perfectly justifiable.
A Pirate's son to his dad "what is it we say when we burn down an enemy ship?"
It's ARson.
Our parents say alcohol is our enemy
Jesus tells us to love our enemies...
A Jewish and Russian soldier come under heavy fire...
As both engage the enemy the Jewish soldier is struck with a bullet and mortally wounded.
The Russian soldier continues to return fire and hold back the enemy, eventually however his ammo is spent.
He looks to his Jewish comrade and says I cannot hold them back, I'm out of ammunition
The Jew, struggling to keep his eyes open motions the Russian over. Here he says you can buy some of mine .
The bravest men and women in the world are military commandos.
Think about it: all that running, getting shot at, dangerous missions deep into enemy territory... and all while not wearing any underpants!
A grandfather tells his grandchild one of his stories from WW2
Grandfather : "Our squad was once captured by the enemy, half of us were r**..., the other half got brutally killed."
Grandchild : "Which half were you part of grandpa' ?"
Grandfather : "Pfft, is that even a question ? Obviously the latter !"
Did you know all castles had 1 major flaw
The enemy could get in through the gift shop
The French recently invented a tank with 13 separate gears, but only 1 of which drives the tank forward.
Just in case the enemy attacks from behind.
What's a fireman's worst enemy?
Crazy wet h**....
Known thy enemy Sun Tzu-The Art of War
What? -Colonel George Custer after the Battle of Little Bighorn.
Spy
A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .
What do police officers and pokemon have in common?
attacking the enemy until they're weak then trying to catch them.
There are two types of people that I hate the most.
One, there are racists;
the other, there are creepy, disgusting blue-skinned elves who are the enemy to the humankind.
A loaf of bread made an enemy of me.
Now it's toast
A s**... goes up to his captain
He says Captain there is an enemy ship on the horizon.
The captain says Bring me my red shirt.
After the battle, the s**... is taking to the captain.
Captain, why did you tell me to bring you your red shirt?
If I was shot, the crew wouldn't notice and continue fighting.
Then someone shouted 20 enemy ships on the horizon!
The captain tells the s**..., Bring me my brown pants.
My dad said that I'm my own worst enemy.
I've been thinking about it for ages.
Why can't I be my own *best* enemy? I must be terrible at that too.
What's a redditor's worst enemy?
Context!
A spy has infiltrated an enemy military base in search of i**... weapons. His coordinates for the expected weapons are a little off and he ends up in the ventilation shaft above the toilets. Command contacts him and asks if he's found anything incriminating yet.
He replies hastily.. Well, possibly something biological and I don't see any missiles but.. I C BMs.
