Endless Jokes
51 endless jokes and hilarious endless puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about endless that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover endless stories and jokes with Euler's paradox: the seemingly endless possibilities as demonstrated by a void. Explore the limits of mathematics and its ability to create the infinite!
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Funniest Endless Short Jokes
Short endless jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The endless humour may include short infinite jokes also.
- Happy Pi Day Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of π.
Psychiatrist: Is it recurring?
Me: Not as far as anyone can tell. - I wrote a book called Endless Love It's about a tennis match between stevie wonder and Hellen Keller
- Why can't the Infiniti car company trademark ∞ ? Because the legal battle would be endless.
- DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
- This Christian restaurant is a rip-off I ordered the endless buffet and all they gave me were five loaves of bread and two fish
- You might as well shoot for the stars because... Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing.
- I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path. I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.
- What is positive about beeing blonde? You are allowed to park your car in the disabled spot
(Dont know if it have been done before, no energy to scroll through the endless thread) - Sometimes I gaze upwards at the endless stars that populate the sky and realize how small I truly am. I should get one of those pumps.
- Endless shrimp. a.k.a sir we close at 10:30, you have to leave now Im going back in the morning and ask to continue
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Endless One Liners
Which endless one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with endless? I can suggest the ones about never ending and unlimited.
- What do you call a tennis match between helen keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love
- I want to open an all-you-can-eat Italian restaurant… I'd call it Endless Pastabilities.
- What's the definition of endless love? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis
- The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.
- What do you call an endless line of iPhones? An infinite Siris
- Life is like a fidget spinner Just spins endlessly without anything fun happening
- How are Jail and Olive Garden Similar? Free Endless Salad Tossing
- How does Jesus fall asleep? By counting an endless line of people jumping over hurdles.
Happy Endless Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about endless you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean everlasting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make endless pranks.
A man stands at the edge on top of a 20 story building after deciding that he's going to kill himself.
He's about to jump when he here's the voice of a coworker behind him.
"Wait!" the coworker says. "Don't jump!"
"Why not?" says the man. "I got laid off again. Life is nothing but a series of endless struggles and I'm tired of fighting it and putting this off."
"But look at all the people down there going about their lives...they're all more like you than you know. Everyone deep down is going through some unseen battle. You are not alone!"
The man pauses for a moment, shrugs, and moves away from the edge. The coworker is immediately relieved and asks him, "Do you understand now? Do you understand that you don't have to go through it all alone?"
And the man says, "I don't really care about all that. I just couldn't live with myself if I landed on someone."
So a guy walks into a bar...
... and he notices a pig playing a piano in the corner. He goes up to the bartender and says "Hey, man. What's with the pig?". The bartender replies "There's a guy down the street granting wishes, but watch what you say. He's kind of sketchy."
The man takes off and comes back a little while later with an endless line of ducklings following him through the door. He goes up to the bartender and shouts "Man, that guy was terrible! I asked for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!"
The bartender replied "What do you think I asked for, a pig pianist?"
Fred and Susan were having their usual loud...
...and endless argument about family reunions.
At last, Fred relented. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean all those hateful things I said about your family. As a matter of fact, I like your mother-in-law a whole lot better than I do mine."
Horse problems
A classic I first heard from my grandpa.
Rufus and Ludgate, a couple of rather rural neighbors, each decided to buy a horse one summer. Since they were neighbors, they decided it made sense to pasture the horses together in the same field. Before turning them loose, they talked about how to tell them apart. After endless ideas, Rufus finally said to Ludgate, "Well, why don't I cut the mane short on mine, and you cut the tail short on yours?" This seemed like the perfect solution to the problem, so the horses were trimmed in no time.
The fall came along, and the winter, and come spring, Ludgate wanted to sell his horse. He quickly realized he had a problem: time had run its course, and both horses had long manes and tails. He called up Rufus to deliver the shocking news. The two pondered the situation for a while, and finally Rufus had the answer: "Ludgate, why don't you just sell the brown one and I'll keep the white one?"
Do you remember when Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder played each other in a tennis match?
It was endless love.
Snails
A husband and wife have been at odds with each other over the husband's endless drinking and stopping out late. To get their marriage back on track, the wife decides to make a romantic french dinner with Snails to start so she sends her husband out saying 'right, please can you buy me these snails from town, be back home soon and, for god's sake, stay out of the pub!'.
The Husband obliges and after buying the snails, decides he's probably be okay just to stop by the pub only for a quick drink. Well, one leads to another, and another and another and before long it's well past dinner time. Looking at his watch he quickly realises he should have been back hours ago, panicking he dashes home and throws all the snails across the garden path. His wife greets him at the door looking furious saying 'Where on earth have you been!?' to which the husband responds 'Come on Lads! We're almost there!'.
Is this sub Pi?
There seems to be an endless supply of jokes, and I swear it's gonna repeat itself at some point.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We all exist due to a radioactive e**... that formed the universe and with endless posibilities...
...you're sitting on your computer reading jokes on the internet.
A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...
She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."
The curious monk
A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....
The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copying and recopying over the ages, something got misinterpreted or lost in translation: he goes to investigate the archives.
His friends don't hear from him for a few days. They finally find him in the archives, lying in a pool of scrolls and tears. "What's wrong?", they ask him. He cries: "It said CELEBRATE!!!"
What's the difference between Hillary Clinton's email and a black hole
One is an endless void of nothingness, the other is a black hole.
How Jesus managed to give out enough fish and bread to so many people.
Take the fish and the loaf of bread. Cut the ends off. It becomes endless.
I never realized it until today, but the song "Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie is about...
...a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.
A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.
After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.
Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've spent many nights staring into the seemingly endless abyss...
I wish my wife wouldn't sleep n**...
A man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he sees two lines.
The first line has a sign that says "Henpecked Husbands." The line is full of an endless queue of men that stretches far out of site.
The sign above the second line says, "Non-Henpecked Husbands." This line is empty, aside from a single scrawny man who was just entering it.
The recently deceased man approaches the single occupant of the second line and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me," he says, "but can I ask why you're the only man in this line?"
The man in the line frowns defensively and says, "My wife told me to stand here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are standing in line in Russia
One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"
How is a cicada like a neckbeard?
They both spend years living underground and when they emerge all you hear is endless whizzing.
Faithful dog for sale
Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.
I always eat way too much during Red Lobster's endless shrimp specials.
It's total overkrill.
After endless hours of training, I finally became Spiderman..
I mean, Even I can shoot Spidey-Web, just not from my hands though.
There was a man in Spain named Juan
He talked all day and night about anything he thought of and it drove everyone around him mad. One day he met this woman, fell in love, and got married but it was not a happy marriage. One day when he was driving he was just blurting out anything he could think of his wife couldn't take it anymore and said That's it Juan I can't take it I've had enough of your endless jabber, you're driving me insane
Juan was silent and then said No, I'm driving you in Spain
A husband and wife are trying to have a baby
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
The Egg
I'm utterly opposed to any form of egg cracking on anyone's head and I totally condemn the act of the underage violent vigilante who cracked an egg on senators head. However with that being said what it highlights is the endless distribution and importing of eggs all around the world. Rising fear of egg presence all around Australia and new Zealand. The real cause of what happened today was Australian government allowing to import and to produce eggs in their country in the first place. While today the senator is the victim it doesn't make him the blameless. If you banned eggs in the first place it would have been avoided.
(Collected)
(Cr
A man on death row is offered a last meal.
He lives an extra several years, dying of exhaustion. He ordered endless breadsticks from Olive Garden
"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective."
"You're still late" replied my boss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part about having two dads?
Twice the dad jokes.
**Bonus**
What's the worst part about having two moms?
Getting stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
