Ending Speech Jokes
13 ending speech jokes and hilarious ending speech puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ending speech that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ending Speech Short Jokes
Short ending speech jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ending speech humour may include short ending call jokes also.
- My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I'll never hear the end of it.
- In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May May wants to leave at the end of May.
- why are chemists bad public speakers? because almost every element in their speech ends with um
- I was recently giving a motivational speech for the "international dyslexia association" I ended with: "And remember, there's no "I" in dyslexia..."
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Ending Speech One Liners
Which ending speech one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ending speech? I can suggest the ones about opening speech and starting speech.
- How did Jeb Bush end his speech at Bronycon? *Please Clop*
Ending Speech Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ending speech you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean after dinner speech jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ending speech pranks.
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God
"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".
The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
Xi Jinping held a speech in front of the CCP. "Horrible news, comrades, not only is God real, he also told us the world is coming to an end in 20 years".
Trump tweeted "Great news everyone! God knows I'm important!"
Marriage or Death
At my second wedding my buddy was giving a speech. He started by telling me he had some bad news - 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's not the worst part though - the other half end in death. So I started thinking, my first one ended in divorce, so the odds are in my favor. I wondered about the math, so I started doing the equation and it turns out I'd rather be single than dead.
- I'm writing a set, notes and critiques are more than welcome
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a m**....
The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the m**..., the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness account, the audience barely reacted, some even yawning! A Czech prince, full of indignation, demanded of a courtier, Why are the people so bored with my father's speech? The courtier replied, Don't you know? These days you get no interest in a Czech King account.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Kings Witness a m**...
At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a m**.... The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the m**..., the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness account, the audience barely reacted, some even yawning! A Czech prince, full of indignation, demanded of a courtier, "Why are the people so bored with my father's speech?" The courtier replied, "Don't you know? These days you get no interest in a Czech King account."
A religious man goes to buy a car.
When he enters the shop he is greeted by the salesman.After a short conversation, the salesman finds out of the man's devoutness and makes him a special offer.
"We have just acquired a new line of cars engineered to fit and amuse our religious costumers."
He walks him to the car and explains its modifications.
"Another one, is that in order to start it you have to say 'Thank God', and to stop 'For heaven sake' ."
The man likes the car and accepts the offer.On the way home he gets cut by a passing car and goes off course.When he sees that he's headed towards the end a cliff, he starts to push the brake pedal but nothing happens.He then remembers that the car is activated solely by speech, but due to his panicking fails to recall the key phrases.So he starts praying:
"Oh God please help me, for heaven sake!"
The car stops at the last second with its front hanging out of the cliff.Shocked and frightened, the man sighs with relief and says "Oh, Thank God! "
The importance of never being late
A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.
'I know how disturbed I was 25years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his affaire...'
As the priest came to an end the mayor arrived and started his speech: 'I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson...'