Ending Call Jokes
109 ending call jokes and hilarious ending call puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ending call that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ending Call Short Jokes
Short ending call jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ending call humour may include short ending speech jokes also.
- A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
- What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
(Yes, I have been waiting till the end of the year to write this) - What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match? A Finnish Hymn
- NASA confirmed that, in the end of the afternoon of day 21, the skies are going to be very dark. It's a phenomenon called "Night".
- What's a word that starts with an N ends in an R, and is something you never want to call a black person? Neighbour
- What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? The outlaws are wanted
*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer* - I'm getting paid a lot to shut down zoom calls... Now I'm making ends meet by making meets end!
- What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties? A dic-tater.
- My wife and I are hosting a get together tonight that ends at 11:30.. We're calling it a before New Year's leave party.
- someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?
peter PARKER.
Share These Ending Call Jokes With Friends
Ending Call One Liners
Which ending call one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ending call? I can suggest the ones about ending the phone and end of shift.
- What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
- What do you call the last skeleton on earth? The end-o skeleton.
- What do you call it when a song is cut off before it ends? ...a clefhanger.
- What do you call a story that never ends? b∞k
- I'm starting a new diet. It's called 2 Dollars a day until the end of the month.
- What do you call a piece of charcoal at the end of a wire? An amateur electrician
- What do you call a person that does squats every day A back-end developer
- What do you call a happy ending at a Jewish massage parlor? Free.
- Due to Policy Changes Prenuptial's will now be called End User License Agreements
- What do you call two classical musicians ending their relationship? They baroque up
- What's a massage with a happy ending in Hawaii called? A lei.
- What do you call the end of Ramadan? Ramadusk.
- What do you call a bee's rear end? A Bee-Hind
- just saw on facebook a page called "the walk to end alzheimers" Its a walk to remember
- Mike Tyson does one squat Then the next day at work he always ends up calling in thicc.
Ending Call Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ending call you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean end of term jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ending call pranks.
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Borrowed Car
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sore Paws
Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'
'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'
'It's always the same innit dad'
'What's that son?'
'You try and help someone out, you end up getting f**...!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Graduations are so immature
You can hardly get to the end without name calling
Sometimes, like a quarterback, you have to make tough calls.
You want to make a play with the tight end but have to end up throwing to the wide receiver.
Couldn't sleep
So I couldn't sleep last night, and in an effort to wind my brain down, I ended up looking up obscure European military facts.
Did you know there was once a unit in the Scottish armed forces that's only job was to watch over furniture?
Yep, they were called the Scotch Guard.
My co-worker just dropped this on me, thought I share. What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?
Neighbor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are in the woods...
Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"
There were nine INTERPOL agents in a briefing.
They were named INTERPOL 1, INTERPOL 2, and so on. Their names were read out one by one in attendance. As the speaker reached the end, he said "INTERPOL 6, INTERPOL 7, INTERPOL 9." The missing agent stood up and asked why her name wasn't called. The speaker said, "You can figure it out."
Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?
Because he missed a split-end on a curl.
Women are like the Call of Duty games.
If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
TIFU: I was called in to teach 6th grade math but ended up teaching 8th grade english
Sorry, wrong sub.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Make sure that she is really dead
A doctor gets a phone call from his best friend, and the frantic voice at the other end says "God, oh God, my wife's dead! I shot her! What do I do!?" The doc tells his friend to calm down. "OK, now the first thing is, you have to be sure that she's really dead." He hears silence at the other end, then a single gunshot. "OK, what now?!"
What do you call a software developer who's also a gynecologist?
Front-end
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nuns and prostitutes
What do you call 2 nuns and a p**... playing football? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
Green Day released a new politically fuelled single today called "Wake Me Up When November Ends"
T___T
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten t**... instead.
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba Calls 911
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is "ex" called "ex" because
Its the end of "s**...".....
Did you hear about the proctologist & psychiatrist who opened a practice together?
They called it "Odds & Ends"
Two carrots are walking together down the street,
One of them stepped onto the road and ended up getting run over by a car. The other carrot calls 911 and they take him to the hospital. After hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and says, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is your friend is going to make it, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man wanted to commit s**...
But he hesitated and called the s**... prevention hotline.
s**... prevention: Hello?
Man: I'm so tired of life. I just want to end it all... please, what do I do?
s**... prevention: I know life can be tough... but just hang in there!
*a few minutes pass*
s**... prevention: Hello?
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... makes a phone call
The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
The r**..., voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."
The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."
I wanted to video chat with the spiritual leader of tibet
I ended up looking at a tall sheep like animal, turns out I called Dial-a-Llama
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when you show up near the end of a r**... family reunion?
Speed dating.
Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm
He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.
A man ends up in a 30-year coma.
After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.
He hears: "Dear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your savings portfolio is $950 billion."
The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon as he can.
When he comes to the bar, he says "I'd like a coffee, please.".
The cashier tells him "That'd be $30 billion.".
On a faraway island lived a solitary genius
On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.
His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the end he had to give up..
It simply proved too hard to draw Cong Clu's Ions from the experiments.
Spanish Stores End in "ía"
For instance, florists is florería. Lavandería is a laundromat. But what do you call Taco Bell for short?
Diarrhoea
Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.
Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.
Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.
What do you call it when obese statesmen end a war during tea time?
Peace of Cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend's cellphone service s**...!
Eight days ago when she said, "We're breaking up," the call ended, and it's
gone straight to voicemail ever since.
What do you call a deceitful little criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow?
A leprechaun artist!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had s**... with a girl called Macy
But she was dyslexic so I just ended up doing the YMCA
What do you call a man working at a stable auction at the end of the day?
A hoarse whisperer.
The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period
because it's the end of their sentence.
My proctogogist won't take my phone calls anymore.
I guess saying "What, no happy ending!" isn't proper exam room etiquette.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nataly
Up until two years ago I still had a friend called Nataly, but everybody called her "Nut" for some reason, was it her auburn hair or the similarity with her name, I still don't know. Our friendship ended the day when the class teacher asked us, who's bag is it on the corridor. My fateful answer was "Well, it looks like Nut's sack"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man at his wit's end called the s**... Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.
"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the s**... Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your s**... please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..
She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."
This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "
The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hunting in the woods...
One of them tries to shoot a bear, but misses and ends up being mauled by the bear. After the incident, as he is "bear"ly holding on to life the othe runs over and calls 911. "Help my friend and i were hunting and he got mauled by a bear, I think he's dead! " The woman on the phone responds "well we would love to help, but first can you make sure he's dead"....*BANG!!!!* .... " ok he's dead, what do I do next"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I called the cops after hearing my neighbor yelling and screaming at his cup of tea for hours on end
It was herbal a**...
A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.
"I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."
The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.
"I do," says the man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I started playing COD Cold War yesterday and ended up playing online against a player called h**.... He got so many kills but...
It was only because he was Kampfing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.
I ended up calling it a Thai.
Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?
Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Panda's Day Out
A panda walks into high-end restaurant and sits down at a table. A waiter quickly asks for the order and brings it to him after thirty minutes.
After the delicious meal, the panda asks for the bill. As soon as the waiter brings it, the panda whips out a p**... and shoots him. The waiter dies on the spot and the panda runs away.
The police are called and owner explains the situation. But the police refuse to investigate. When the puzzled owner enquires why, the police just show a dictionary. It says,
"*Panda: A type of bear that eats shoots and leaves*"
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
Two guys were in an English pub.
They called the publican over to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints miss, and they are on the house."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the guys called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say you should treat people the way you want to be treated. They call it The Golden Rule. But personally, I don't recommend that because at the end of the day,
You're just giving out free blow jobs for nothing in return!