ended Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ended puns

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it

Trying to get into smaller pants

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My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her.

Instead I just swam for the surface.

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Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.

Trying to get into smaller pants.

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A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.

But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"

"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

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They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

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I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon

That's what happens when you cut corners

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Two silk worms are in a wrestling match

It ended in a tie.

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The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.

She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"

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Two silk worms were in a race...

It ended in a tie.

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Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

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Today I ended a long term relationship.

I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

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My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

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Worst joke I've ever heard

What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

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I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.


I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.


Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

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Met a beautiful girl today..

I was walking in the park when i bumped into this beautiful girl. Straight away sparks flew, she fell at my feet and ended up having sex right there and then.

God, i love my new Taser.

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Two silkworms had a race...

They ended up in a tie.

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I tried phone sex today

I ended up with hearing aids

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I just ended a 5 year relationship today.

It's okay. It wasn't my relationship.

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I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..

We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"

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I just ended a 5 years long relationship

I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.

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I met a beautiful girl the other day at the park.

Amazed by such beauty, I went up to her. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet, we ended up having sex right there and then.


I fucking love my new Taser

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I ended up in jail the other night and the guys across from me had glued themselves together...

It was very confusing.

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I almost had sex with a Hawaiian...

But I ended up prematurely evacuating.

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I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some vodka

But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home

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Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

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I just ended a 5 year relationship

I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship :P

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My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes

And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...

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People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

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My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week...

It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".

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They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

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I just ended a 5 year relationship!

I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship.

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I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite…

I ended up picking 7 Up…

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After a disappointing summer,

Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

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I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...

No 1-1

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What are the most funny Ended jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ended? Well, here are the best Ended dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ended pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes