End Of School Year Jokes
9 end of school year jokes and hilarious end of school year puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about end of school year that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Cheerful Fun End Of School Year Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What is a good end of school year joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...
..you get baked.
...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
The son of a godfather comes back home at the end of school year with his report.
The report states:
History A
Math A+
Science A+
Literature A
Geography B+
The father grabs a gun and shot him in the head.
The mother shocked and in tears asks: "why did you shoot him?!"
And the Boss: "he knew too much"
I've decided to stop school and take a gape-year...
...I hope to be able to fit at least 3 cucumbers by the end of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ten years ago I was in elementary school.
I was uncircumcised and a kid noticed while in the bathroom. Later that day, a group of children wanted to see it for themselves, so I pulled it out and showed them. One of them said my pee pee was different and wanted to touch it. Thought "why not?" and they began pulling back my f**... and touching the head. It felt so nice, I was in bliss. My pee pee began to get bigger and one of the girls started screaming. The Dean came in and quickly took everyone away and began to yell at me. Eventually parents were informed about the case.
That was the end of my teaching career.
Timbuktu
From my 80 year old Granddad:
Two finalists in a contest, One a college grad and one a high school drop out, were to write a poem in 3 minutes. The only requirement was that it ended in "Timbuktu". The college grad wrote his and told it to the judges;
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The judges were very surprised and pleased with the poem, thinking that the drop out had no chance of beating that one.
The dropout then told his poem
Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three girls in a tent.
Sunrise came, mornin' dew,
I bucked one and Timbuktu.
He won the contest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One I remember from high-school (kids, stay away)
So, there are these two guys and a woman who get stranded on an island.
After a couple of months of trying to escape and learning to survive, they decide to tough it out on the island until someone comes by and rescues them.
With the obvious urges exceedingly present and with their lack of options, they decide to enter into a ménage à t**... -- the deal being that the woman will spend one week with one of the men, and then switch.
This goes on for a couple of years, and no one comes to the rescue. They live and prosper on the island until one day, the woman suddenly dies.
Her two lovers, obviously upset at her death, continue to live on the island, still hoping for escape, but with their hope at lengths' end.
The first week after her passing is terrible.
The second week is excruciating.
The third week, one of them breaks down in tears and refuses to speak to the other -- since it's so abysmal.
The fourth week, they have no choice but to bury her.
(Sorry in advance if this is a bit grisly)
Your first job interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of business school, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant answered, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years ... say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
Replied the interviewer: "Yes, but you started it."
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