Encounter Jokes
61 encounter jokes and hilarious encounter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about encounter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Encounter Short Jokes
Short encounter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The encounter humour may include short meet jokes also.
- One day Bruce Wayne learned that his great great great great great great grandmother encountered a vigilante who called himself "The Man of Bats..." It was his Nana's Nana's Nana's Nana's Batman.
- I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .
- The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'
- If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead. It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.
- Patient: Doc, every time I open my eyes, I have this weird urge to throw up! Doctor: Wow. This is the worst case of see sickness I have ever encountered.
- Motivation is like quicksand. I'll likely never encounter it but see it in movies all the time.
- Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.
- I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.
- My encounter with the cop So I was driving down the road when a cop stopped me, looked at me and asked "You drinking?"
I said "You buying?"
Guys I need bail money - Rubber bullets are like Batman They won't kill you, but you'll probably be disfigured for life after encountering one.
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Encounter One Liners
Which encounter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with encounter? I can suggest the ones about incident and confronts.
- I wish my name was Voyager 2... So I could have the first encounter with Uranus
- I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport. My plane wasn't delayed.
- I walked into a male underwear store for a quick second. I had a brief encounter.
- I was told, "If you procrastinate . . ." You will never encounter any problems.
- I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis... He's watching me like a hawk.
- What do mathematicians say when they encounter a difficult problem? f(x)
- What happens when a wiener encounters puberty? A 21 month federal prison sentence.
- What did Scrooge do when he encountered the Ghost of Christmas Present? He unwrapped it
- When are you most likely to encounter a deadly animal down under? T'day, mate.
- What does a computer say when it encounters a skunk? C: PU!
- Chuck Norris once encountered the men in black and he still remembers it.
- In what continent will you encounter the most profanity? A-frick-a
- I once had an encounter with a Grizzly Its a long story, but just bear with me
- Agitated I encountered a very nervous flea
He said he gets his sleep in snatches. - What do you call a person who keeps list of all his s**... encounters a**...-yst
Cheeky Encounter Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about encounter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overcome jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make encounter pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I remember my first s**... encounter.
It was really a frightening experience. I was all by myself!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man visits his doctor...
and asks him how to improve his s**... performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests m**... a couple of hours before a s**... encounter.
After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.
The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"
"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.
The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gorilla Encounter
Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive e**.... The gay men are fascinated by this.
One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.
An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.
A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"
"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Foreplay
After the first week of s**... education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?
The shadow of his former shelf.
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
A civilization of sentient deer may sound interesting
But I get the strange feeling that they'd make no progress in advancing their own culture once they come into contact with humans.
I guess that's what happens when you encounter Stagnation
Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...
He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"
The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".
Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"
...
...
"It's horrible."
"Agree."
Guy: I'm writing "Transformers": a crossover fanfic where Othello encounters Sauron...
Other guy: "why's it called "Transformers"?"
Guy: Moor then meets The Eye
Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.
One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."
"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.
The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."
If you encounter enemies, you're on the right path
Unless when you're walking in a morgue, that is.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Encounter With My Step-Mom
My step mom came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, Now off with my skirt. I did, and she continued, Now take off my stockings. And when I did that, she said, Now my bra and the p**.... I took them off. She continued, And don't ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!
I encountered a young cashier while checking out.
My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.
I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."
Once, a prince..
..decided to disguise himself and mingle with people to see their hardships by himself. There, he encountered a farmer who looked exactly like him. Curious, the prince approached the farmer and asked him "By any chance, did your mother work in the palace?"
The farmer replied, "No, but
.
.
My father used to work in the palace"
P.S.:This is an old Indian joke, I'm doing my best to translate it. Hope I can make some people smile:)
Two covid deniers are taking a walk in the woods when they encounter a sheep...
Two covid deniers were out taking a walk in the woods when they discovered a sheep with its head stuck in a fence.
The first denier pulls down his pants and gets to business.
Completing, he turns to his friend and said, "Now it's your turn."
The other covid denier then sticks his head into the fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Man Sees a Therapist Because He Isn't Getting Enough Sleep
(Go easy on me, I'm new to the sub)
Upon hearing this the therapist asks: "So when was your last s**... encounter?"
Clearly annoyed, the man responds: "Why does everything come back to s**... with you psychologists? My sleep has absolutely nothing to do with s**...!!"
And the therapist says: "How would YOU know? You're not getting any of either."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My first husband was a much better lover, the wife said after a rather disappointing s**... encounter.
Of course he was, the husband replied. He had a much younger wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bear & Human encounters
If bears and humans live in close proximity, they can be prepared ahead of time for such encounters. Obtain airhorns and pepper spray.
If the first couple of blasts of an airhorn doesn't scare them off, then run at them with an airhorn blasting. If you get close enough, use the pepper spray.
If the humans still won't run away, roar in their face. If they still don't leave, then the chances are they are too s**... to have any friends, so it is safe to slap them upside the head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I encountered a m**... at a bar last night
although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and s**...
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter t**... before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake？
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barbarian s**... in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter
They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to o**... s**... only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.
Eventually, though, he was gladiator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the doctor because every time I open my eyes, I b**... everywhere.
He looked me over and said it was the WORST case of SEE SICKNESS he'd ever encountered
^(made that up just now... I'm so sorry everyone)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
two italians
Two Italians were talking on the bus. One of them says to the other, Emma comes first, then I come, then two a**... they come together, then I come again, then two a**... come together once again, then I come again, pee twice, then I come one last'a time.
Another passenger responds with, Well I never! It's extremely rude to talk about your s**... encounters in public, however extraordinary it is. You filthy, filthy Italians!
The Italian responds with hey, what'sa matter with'a you? I was only telling my friend how to spell Mississippi.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking in the woods, I encountered a n**... man wearing a fine silk hat.
"Excuse me, sir, but why are you n**...?"
"Well, why not? No one ever comes back here."
"Well in that case, sir, why the silk hat?"
"Well, you never know. Somebody might."
Yesterday I encountered a woman with a very extravagant dress, flawless skin, and a really fancy purse.
I avoided her since I thought she would judge me by my appearance.
I was hiking with some friends
on a forest trail one day when we encountered a black bear approaching us. I told everybody, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible
Then the bear rose up on his back legs and said, Don't run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible .
Everyone was freaking out and they looked at me like what's going on?
I said, Oh, it's ok, I said it once but that bear's repeating
A family go to the zoo
They're excited to see all the exotic animals, birds & reptiles. The first enclosure is empty, totally deserted. Unperturbed they carry on to the next one.. again it's empty!
Every single enclosure, cage, run and avery they encounter is empty, deserted and unkempt..
Except, right beside the exit is the last one; a single small solitary cage.
And in it sat a small furry creature.. a dog!
The father looked at it and it occurred to him,
"This is a shih tzu!"
