Employment Jokes
50 employment jokes and hilarious employment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about employment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking to lighten the mood at work or while job-hunting? Check out our collection of funny jokes about self-employment, long-term employment, leaving employment, employment law, employment lawyers, applicants and more. Laugh at the clever quips, then learn how to generate income in unexpected ways.
Quick Jump To
- Short Employment Jokes
- Employment One Liners
- Self Employment Jokes
- Leaving Employment Jokes
- More Employment Jokes
Funniest Employment Short Jokes
Short employment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The employment humour may include short employed jokes also.
- Interview Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want!
At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible. - My employer has recently started testing their products on animals. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.
- When my employer asked if I had a criminal record... ...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
- James, please tell me who is the idiot here, you or me? Well sir, you don't look like a person who would employ an idiot.
- My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.
- I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening... One of the perks of being self-employed.
- Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." Applicant: "I'm the one you want.
On my last job,
every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible." - A Levels Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me.
- What is Father Christmas's tax status? What is Father Christmas's tax status?
Elf-employed. - I am Responsible Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible..
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Employment One Liners
Which employment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with employment? I can suggest the ones about jobs and occupation.
- What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ? Fizzyscists
- 'Describe yourself with one word', my employer asked. 'Bad with numbers'
- I just nutted on my boss's daughter Sadly, im self-employed.
- Just nailed the boss's daughter Can't get fired, I'm self employed.
- What's white and covers the road in the early morning? Employed people.
- I think the Chinese employer liked jewellery... He asked me what I could bling
- Reportedly the President said... If I can employ an employee, why can't I hate a Haiti?
- what do you call a black man with a job? employed.
you racist - How do you starve a worthless mooch? By hiding his employment check in his work boots.
- Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency? Han Jobs
- My new employer asked me to take a drug test. I said "No, thanks." "I'll pass."
- Why did the man get a job as a horse handler? He wanted stable employment
- I need to start being an employer. Anything else isn't working for me.
- My boss was talking to himself "I'm employed by a crazy person" I said to myself.
- Satan's not all bad. He's an equal opportunity employer.
Self Employment Jokes
Here is a list of funny self employment jokes and even better self employment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A friend asked: "Now that you're self-employed; are you going to let your hair grow?" I replied: "I'm letting it, but it's not taking advantage of the opportunity."
- I don't know what's more repugnant--the fact that I've been sleeping with members of my staff... ...or the fact that I'm self employed.
- I quit my job last year because my boss was an idiot. Now I'm self employed. My boss is still an idiot.
- One of the best things about being self employed I name myself employee of the month every month.
- My boss touched me inappropriately at work today. It's okay though, I'm self-employed.
- What do you call a self employed individual who works with fertilizer? An Entremanure.
- Been seeing my bosses daughter the last few weeks and had to end it It hurt, but I'll be alright I think. It was just weird being self-employed.
- I've been having s**... with my boss It's one of the many benefits of being self employed
- A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have s**... with my boss One of the many perks of self employment.
- Today my boss fondled my g**...! Being self-employed is great.
Leaving Employment Jokes
Here is a list of funny leaving employment jokes and even better leaving employment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Law of employment:
When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed.
When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
Entertaining Employment Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about employment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make employment pranks.
A man goes into a job interview
A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"
Boss p**...
I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.
A guy was nailing his interview
A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".
The guy says "oh I went to yale".
The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"
Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"
A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.
The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.
"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."
During an interview the potential employer asked the young man What you consider to be your greatest weakness"?
The job applicant replied Honesty.
The interviewer commented "Honesty? I don't think honesty is a weakness.
The young man replied I don't care what you think!
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
A man walks into a pharmacy
A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an e**... that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
New secretary
Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out.
"How was it?" inquired Harry.
"Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."
A couple of weeks later, Harry took the secretary out, and the following morning, he said, "You're right Frank, she is better than your wife!"
Permanent e**...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent e**... which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."
Man goes to a job interview.
Interviewer: see you have a recent employment gap of 5 years, what have you done in that time?
Man: I spent the first 4 years in Yale.
Interviewer: that's impressive, what have you done in the last year?
Man: I've veen looking for a Yob.
