Entertaining Employment Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have s**... with my boss
One of the many perks of self employment.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
Man goes to a job interview.
Interviewer: see you have a recent employment gap of 5 years, what have you done in that time?
Man: I spent the first 4 years in Yale.
Interviewer: that's impressive, what have you done in the last year?
Man: I've veen looking for a Yob.
In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.
He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.
A dog goes to the Job Centre
A dog goes to the job centre and asked for assistance in finding employment.
The employee at the Job Centre says "b**... h**...! A talking dog! You should get a job at the circus!"
The dog replies "Why's that? Are they after a plumber?"
7 Great Wonders of Communism:
1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.
An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency
Lady : I have two openings for you.
Guy : I know.
The lady hangs up.
Robocop lost his job on the Police force..
He's found new employment advertising for a barber shop
Shave now.. or there will be stubble
How do you starve a worthless mooch?
By hiding his employment check in his work boots.
Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency?
Han Jobs
Why did the man get a job as a horse handler?
He wanted stable employment
You can explore employment generate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean employment overqualified dad jokes. There are also employment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An economist was asked in a talk about how to solve 3 issues
"How would you solve the inevitable future problems of overpopulation, water and employment?"
"Well" he says, "In the future when the water get scarce, we will probably go to war so it can be secured, which will solve the employment problem, and the population should go down as well."
The worst part about the name change to IHOP...
Is one legged waitresses won't have a place of employment anymore.
A jester's chief employment is to kill himself for your enjoyment, and a jester unemployed...
is nobody's fool.
I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent...
On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!
How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
All of them. Because that will generate employment and therefore more consumption, shifting the aggregate demand to the right.
Just saw an employment ad...
...for cleaning elephant d**...... The pay isn't good but the tips are big...
I'll be here all week...
Job Application
I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant's employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under Marital Status she'd written, Not good and under Spouse's name, she'd written Plaintiff".
True story: Two of the veterinarians at my place of employment amputated a dogs cancerous leg today.
As the junior Doctor brought the leg across the room, he shook it a little and made ghost noises.
the technician watching with me turned and said,
"I don't find that humerus"
If you're looking for a seasonal employment opportunity this winter
You could always submit a resume for the chief of staff position at the white house. It's not likely to last more than a few months.
A friend told me m**... before important decisions helps..
You should've seen the look on my recruiter's face when I was jerking off before signing my employment contract..
So I found out why France has such a bad employment problem
It's because they aren't fond of occupations
What do you call the corner of 69th and main?
Your moms place of employment
Life Before The Computer
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
