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Employee Fired Jokes

61 employee fired jokes and hilarious employee fired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about employee fired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Employee Fired Short Jokes

Short employee fired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The employee fired humour may include short fired jokes also.

  1. Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself
  2. A small joke I remembered Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!
    Employee: sorry boss
    Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory
    Employee: oh no
  3. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
  4. Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break? He got fired for sleeping on the job.
  5. My boss just said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture.... I have a hunch its me.
  6. My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture... I have a hunch it might be me...
  7. Why are there ornamental cannons on the state house lawns? They are a monument to the state employees. They don't work and are impossible to fire.
  8. Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap... I guess two people got fired that day!
  9. Did you hear about the Pepsi employee that got fired? Turns out they found coke in his system and fired him on the spot.
  10. An employee was drinking on the job His boss saw him and said Hey you can't be drinking while you are working!
    The employee said but I'm not working
    They both laughed and then he got fired.

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Employee Fired One Liners

Which employee fired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with employee fired? I can suggest the ones about getting fired and employer employee.

  1. Elon is firing twitter employees with bad posture I have a hunch I might be next.
  2. Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.
  3. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off.
  4. Why was the employee fired from M&M's? He kept throwing away the 3s, Ws and Es.
  5. Why did the Pepsi employee get fired They did to much coke
  6. Guns are like bad employees Best when fired.
  7. If Emblem were a bad employee... Would you Fire Emblem?
  8. Did you hear about the gym employee that got fired? He didn't work out.
  9. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar manufacturing company? He took a day off
  10. Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?
  11. TIFU by firing the wrong employee Whoops, wrong sub (ordinate)
  12. Why did the Apple Employee get fired? He segmented opening some windows.
  13. Why did the gifting company fire their last employee ? Because they got a bad wrap.
  14. What song does a TellTale Employee hate? Earth, Wind and Fire - September

Employee Fired Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about employee fired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean employee boss jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make employee fired pranks.

A man works in the operations department of a large bank.
Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers.
One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

Did you hear about the guy at the gun store who got fired?

He went ballistic.
Did you hear about the apartment building that got blown up? There were roomers everywhere.
Bob: Do you know why my pool exploded?
Joe: Na.
Did you hear about the power plant employee that went on a shooting spree? People say he went melted down and went nuclear.

Tough choice

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."

Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."

So the boss wants to fire one of his employees...

When his company fell on hard times, the boss realized that he'd have to lay off one of his two middle managers. As both Jack and Liz were equally honest and dedicated to their jobs, he was unable to decide which one to fire. To resolve his dilemma, the boss arbitrarily decided that the first to leave his or her desk the next morning would be the one to get the ax. The next morning found Liz at her desk, rubbing her temples. Asking Jack for some aspirin, she headed for the water fountain and that's where the boss caught up with her. "I've got some bad news for you, Liz," he said. "I've got to lay you or j**...." "j**...," she snapped. "I have a headache."

A small business fell on hard times

and the owner knew that the only way for his company to survive, he would have to let one of his employees go.
He struggled with the decision for weeks. Jack was always willing to put in the extra hours to get the job done right and Jill was talented and intelligent, just the kinds of people that any small business needs.
He confided in Jill, hoping that maybe she would know how to fix the company without any firings. He said, "Hey Jill, listen. I either need to lay you or j**...."
Jill replied, "I'm really tired. Could you just j**...?"

Cutbacks.

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."

The difference between before/after getting hired

When Timmy went in for an interview at ABC company, he was hired after a very brief interview. A little skeptical at first, Timmy asked the company representative a few questions.
It went like this:
ABC: Trust me, this company could really use someone new
Timmy: If there is too much work, I'm going to quit...
ABC: We'd NEVER let something like that happen
Timmy: Do employees get every Saturday and Sunday off?
ABC: That's a granted.
Timmy: Are employees required to work overtime without pay?
ABC: No way. Where did you even come up with such a ridiculous idea?
Timmy: Are meals subsidized?
ABC: You BET.
Timmy: Do the new employees usually end up doing ALL the work?
ABC: That's impossible. There are so many other experienced people in our company.
Timmy: If I did well, would I ever become a manager?
ABC: Yes. Absolutely.
Timmy: Wow. Is this for real?
After working there for several months, Timmy noticed that the job wasn't panning out the way he had been promised. Quite upset, he went to file a complaint to the HR dept. The next day, Timmy was summoned into the management's office, where they threatened to fire him for voicing out.
To see his conversation with the management, read the conversation above again.... from the bottom to the top.

A boss had a sudden dilemma...

...as due to the company's restructuring, he has to fire one of two employees, Karen or Jack. Both are excellent workers and are perfect for the job, but the position was deemed redundant and only one should stay.
While out for lunch, he decided to confide with his office friend, "Look, I can't really decide on this matter. What do you think: should I take Karen or j**...?"
His friend replied, "Well, kidnapping is a crime and m**...'s not. I think the answer's obvious."

My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why...

I think it's because he was caught with a bag of c**.... But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it.

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

Title goes here

An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up.
Why did you leave that job? asked one co-worker. It was something my boss said, she replied.
What did he say? the co-worker quizzed.
You're fired.

Ordered a sandwich..

And I asked for a liberal amount of bacon. The employee cried, set the sandwich on fire, then went outside to protest.
I need to learn to be careful using the word liberal.

Whom to fire?

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire.
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive.
Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?
Barbara replied, You'd better j**.... I've got a headache.

A manager has two great employees...

A manager has two great employees, Jack and Jill. Due to budget constraints, he knows he has to fire one of them. He decides to meet with each employee, be upfront with them, and then make his sad decision. Both of them are outside of his office, and he asks Jill to step inside. Less than 15 seconds later, Jill storms out of there and slams the door behind her.
Jack walks in and says "I guess you decided to let her go?"
Boss man has a bewildered look on his face and says "I never even got the chance to! All I said was 'I'm trying to decide whether to lay you or j**....'"

What's a similarity between a bullet and a employee

For starters, they both do damage to the surrounding area when fired

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

Telltale Employees: we're having such a great time! Telltale: you're all Fired.

Telltale Employees will remember that

I heard the gay employee got fired from the s**... bank.

They say he was drinking on the job.

Headlines: Morgue Employee Accidentally Cremates Someone While They're Still Alive!

I guess you can say two people got fired that day.

Did you hear about the grocery store employee who poured a bunch of spices into his pockets?

They fired him for thyme theft

A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,

"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."
The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher locked in a chokehold, and was waiting to see if his employee could get out. The employee struggled and struggled and eventually started to turn blue.
The teacher said, finally, "I'm going to have to let you go."

Google fired an employee who claimed their technology was sentient.

Which is sad, because he was Chrome's only friend.

Certain public employees who have to submit daily to the rapid fire ...

... of well-meant but needless questions may be excused if they occasionally turn upon their persecutors. This is how an elevator boy dealt with one of them:
"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down this elevator all day?" a fussy lady asked him.
"Yes, ma'am", courteously replied the elevator boy.
"Is it the motion going down?" pursued the lady.
"No, ma'am."
"The going up?"
"No, ma'am."
"Is it the stopping that does it?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then what is it?"
"Answering questions, ma'am."

Source: 1913 newspaper