Employe Jokes
55 employe jokes and hilarious employe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about employe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Employe Short Jokes
Short employe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The employe humour may include short workplace jokes also.
- Interview Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want!
At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible. - My employer has recently started testing their products on animals. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.
- When my employer asked if I had a criminal record... ...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
- My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.
- I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening... One of the perks of being self-employed.
- A Levels Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me.
- What is Father Christmas's tax status? What is Father Christmas's tax status?
Elf-employed. - I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years It's not like I have 2020 vision
- My employer treated me just like family... After being with them for 18 years, they kicked me out!
- An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency Lady : I have two openings for you.
Guy : I know.
The lady hangs up.
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Employe One Liners
Which employe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with employe? I can suggest the ones about personnel and knew.
- What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ? Fizzyscists
- 'Describe yourself with one word', my employer asked. 'Bad with numbers'
- What's white and covers the road in the early morning? Employed people.
- I think the Chinese employer liked jewellery... He asked me what I could bling
- Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency? Han Jobs
- My new employer asked me to take a drug test. I said "No, thanks." "I'll pass."
- Why did the man get a job as a horse handler? He wanted stable employment
- I need to start being an employer. Anything else isn't working for me.
- My boss was talking to himself "I'm employed by a crazy person" I said to myself.
- Satan's not all bad. He's an equal opportunity employer.
- Relationship between Employer and Employee They pretend they pay us, we pretend we work.
- My boss touched me inappropriately at work today. It's okay though, I'm self-employed.
- What question does employee grape ask of employer grape? "Can I get me a raisin?"
- My employer asked me to describe myself in 5 word Doesn't follow instuctions
- My body is a temple! Old, crumbling and capitalised on by my employer.
Ridiculous Employe Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about employe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean worker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make employe pranks.
I don't know why my employees are so upset; I try to be sensitive with my criticism.
I like to give out gluten-free compliment sandwiches.
One of my employees came into my office today. He insisted he'd quit if he wasn't treated with more respect.
"Come on, we both know you'll never walk out of this job", I laughed.
"Just watch me then!" he yelled.
As he turned around in his wheelchair, I knew he misunderstood my point.
One of my employees took 6 months off work to get in touch with his inner child...
... he came crawling back
How many McDonald's employees does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't climb the ladder.
My employee asked me to take the day off for Martin Luther King Jr Day
I told him it wouldn't be a problem, he would just have to make the work up on Father's day
I employed a new gardener and gave him a list of tasks to do, when I returned he had only done tasks 1,3,5 and 7 on the list.
Turns out he's an odd job man.
Why is employee scheduling so difficult to get right for a brothel?
The customers tend to come in spurts.
So since employers have employees, that must mean that testers have...
Silly me, people who administer tests are called proctors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An employee and her boss are having s**....
Boss: Do you want to change positions?
Employee: Uh yeah. Can I be the Assistant Manager?
An employee at the insane asylum caught a patient trying to escape...
...He busted a nut.
Employer: Describe yourself in word. Me: "mold"
Because you won't like me but I'll grow on you.
an employee asked me if they could clock out
i replied "you can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!"
An employee named Long helped me at the asian market the other day...
I wanted to tell his manager how great he was, but before I could ask him his full name he was long gone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It says "Employees Must Wash Hands" in the bathroom.
I must have stood in there for forty god d**... minutes and nobody came in to wash my hands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles.
I told them to make it snappy.
How many EA employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
[Unlock the punchline now for just 7.99!]
subway's employees have finally said enough is enough
They're tired of being treated as sub-humans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Employer: "So what level of education do you have?"
Employer: "So what level of education do you have?"
Me: I studied at PragerU
Employer: "What was your major?"
Me: "**Racism**"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Employee of the month
When my boss asked me who is the s**... one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire s**... people.
Employee: "So how did you find out about HHGregg?"
Me: "My cat walked on my keyboard."
My employer wants me to start taking 5 minute breaks throughout the day and take a few deep breaths to help relax.
So I've decided to take up smoking.
All employees at the local cheese factory are trained for if the cheese melter breaks..
..They're trained for the worst queso-nario.
Employees at mismanaged firms be like,
"It's not my fault. It's the other guy's fault. I don't work here. I'm just here for the money."
Employer: For this job, we need someone responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want! In my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, my boss always said I was responsible.
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday.
Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.
Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
An employee was drinking on the job
His boss saw him and said Hey you can't be drinking while you are working!
The employee said but I'm not working
They both laughed and then he got fired.
How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops?
They use McAfee
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An employee at a supermarket
An overworked and underpaid employee was stocking shelves at his local supermarket. Naturally, he was very tired and didn't care about anything going on around him. Out of nowhere, an old woman with a Karen haircut comes up to him and says "hey you, tell me what those little green things in the pods are called before I hit you so hard your children have bruises. I need these for my diet." The employee, wanting nothing to do with this lady, simply rolls his head around, makes direct eye contact with the lady and says, "b**..., peas".
An employee at work needs a new computer screen
I'm monitoring the situation.
Why was the employee fired from M&M's?
He kept throwing away the 3s, Ws and Es.
Why do most employees get sick on work days?
Because of their weekend immune system.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Employee comes back from a business trip to Brazil
Boss: How was your trip?
Employee: It was fine but I don't like Brazil. The whole country is nothing but soccer players and h**....
Boss: You do know that my wife is Brazilian, right?
Employee (flushing): Oh really? Which team does she play for?
The employees play basketball or soccer
Department directors play tennis. CEOs play golf!
The higher the position, the smaller the balls...
