Empire Jokes
167 empire jokes and hilarious empire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about empire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get your dose of laughter from this collection of wisecracks about the empires of the past. Enjoy jokes about the British Empire, the Roman Empire, the Ottoman Empire, the Byzantine Empire, the Persian Empire, the Inland Empire, the Crusade, the Overlord, and other nations.
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Funniest Empire Short Jokes
Short empire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The empire humour may include short emperor jokes also.
- We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by king.. Now we have countries..
- A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
- We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans. Now we have countries....
- When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.
- In the past, empires were ruled by emperors, then kingdoms were ruled by kings. Now we have countries.
- There used to be great empires, ruled by Emperors, then there were Kingdoms ruled by Kings... Now all we have is a bunch of countries....
- In the early days, we had Kingdoms run by Kings. And Empires run by Emperors.
Now we have Countries run by... - Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite StarWars episode. One could say it is a perfect 5/7.
- we used to have empires run by emperor's, and kingdoms run by kings, now we have countries...
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course the Empire State Building can't jump
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Empire One Liners
Which empire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with empire? I can suggest the ones about imperial and kingdom.
- Why is Empire Strikes Back the best star wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.
- How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars.
- Caesar is dead The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
- Why couldn't the Empire find the rebel base? They were looking in Alderaan places.
- How did the Mongol empire become so large? One steppe at a time
- What do you call a war between india and the UK? The empire strikes back.
- What was the Ottoman Empire's main export? Sultan pepper
- Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building? He had a plane to catch
- Why does the Empire use Apple? Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for
- Where does the Empire buy their robes? The Darth Mall!
- Why did the Ottoman Empire change into Turkey Because Austria wasn't Hungary anymore.
- Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture? The Ottoman Empire.
- How does a Roman Emperor divide his empire? He uses his Caesars.
- If Darth Vader lived in America, where would he live? The Empire State Building
- Who came after Augustus? Septembrus
Empire State Building Jokes
Here is a list of funny empire state building jokes and even better empire state building puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building? The Empire State Building can't jump.
- I passed the empire state building yesterday What confuses me the most is I didn't feel a thing.
- I can jump higher than the empire state building I rely on the fact that the building can't jump.
- What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building? New Yolk
- A man falls from the top of the Empire State building. When he hits the ground, a woman walking by screams "oh my God what happened"!!
The man looks up and says "I don't know, I just got here" - What did the physicist say to the young man who was about to jump off the Empire State building?
Don't do it. You have so much potential. - What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building? Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building
- What's gray, and if it gets in your eye, you'll probably die? The Empire State Building
- Why did King Kong.... Climb the Empire State Building?
...He couldn't fit in the elevator. - Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Roman Empire Jokes
Here is a list of funny roman empire jokes and even better roman empire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Nero, Tiberius, Caligula, and Commodus were all in Pompeii together, who would survive? The Roman empire.
- 64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire christians: i can't believe this
romans: correct - I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now. They both hated vandals and goths.
- One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees. He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
- How did Diocletian cut the Roman Empire into 2 empires? By using Caesars.
- What caused the fall of the Roman Empire? The Earth's tilt.
- How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? Use Caesers
- What did the Roman empire say to the city that wouldn't listen? I thought we razed you better than this!
- Want to know why I love the Roman Empire? Want to know why I love the Roman Empire?
It has the best Senate money can buy. - Q: You know the Roman Empire, well how do you think it fell?
A: Chuck Norris
British Empire Jokes
Here is a list of funny british empire jokes and even better british empire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July. The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.
- Why does the sun never set on the British Empire? Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!
- british food, British weather and British culture. And thus a great colonial empire of sailors was born.
- Why sun never set on British empire? Because even the God couldn't trust the British in the dark.
- Why did the sun never set on the British Empire? Because God did not trust the British in the dark.
- A poem about British history First we were a kingdom, and we had a king.
Then we were an empire, and we had an empress
Now we are a country, and we have Nigel Farage. - If the British empire spoke queens English does that mean.. The Americans spoke rebels tongues.
- The British colonies were pretty unhappy under empirical rule... They really felt like an outlier.
- A short rhyming history of the British Isles First, we were a kingdom, and we had kings.
Then, we were an empire, and we had emperors.
Now, we are a country, and we have Brexiteers. - Why did the sun never set on the British empire? Even God didn't trust the British after dark.
Empire Strikes Back Jokes
Here is a list of funny empire strikes back jokes and even better empire strikes back puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where did Luke Skywalker go shopping between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi? Second Hand Store
- The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim. The Empire Strikes Back, they call it.
- What's the difference between an umpire and an empire? An umpire gives three strikes, but an Empire Strikes Back.
- Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public. He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.
- People keep comparing the election to Empire Strikes Back or Revenge Of The Sith... Personally I would have gone with The Star Wars Christmas Special
- What's next after typhoon Jebi? The empire strikes back!
- Do you think the Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back got cold after Han sliced it open? Or do you think it kept lukewarm?
- What is a British person's favorite movie? The Empire Strikes Back
- What do British fans of Star Wars call the Jallianwala Bagh incident? The Empire Strikes Back.
- Luke Skywalker is secretly the real Han Solo Cause after the Empire Strikes Back he was actually Hand Solo
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Empire Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about empire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean palace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make empire pranks.
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.
he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented s**...." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."
can someone explain this ancient Roman joke
Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'
A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.
The Greek says "We built the Parthenon". The Roman says "Ah, but we built the Colosseum". The Greek responds "We invented democracy" and the Roman says "Yes, but we founded the great Roman Empire". Finally, the Greek says "We invented s**...". The Roman replies "That's true, but we're the ones who thought of having it with women."
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
Why doesn't the Empire hire better pilots?
Their assets are tied
How many Portuguese does it take to colonize an Empire?
a brazillian
thanks folks, i'll be here all Monday.
This may be controversial to most people, but i feel it must be said. I FULLY support flying the rebel flag.
How else are we supposed to show our support and remembrance of the battle of Hoth, and our willingness to topple the empire and bring peace to the galaxy?
How did the gangster die below the Empire State Building?
Someone dropped a dime on him.
What's Chinese and climbs the Empire State Building?
Ping Pong
Julius Caeser and Alexander the Great are in a bathroom together
They are both going pee in two urinals right next to each other. Alexander the Great leans over the divider looks at Caeser and says "My empire is bigger than yours"
Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the n**...'s empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...
They've become a Reichtangle.
How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?
About 16 seconds
What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?
Wookieeleaks
I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire.
I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny.
Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire?
That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition
What did 18 Year olds in the Byzantine Empire do for fun?
Nothing they were busy teens.
What's the difference between negligence and falling off of the empire state building?
Nothing if you're a gorilla.
Did you hear about the Chinese brother's that tried to start a German Empire?
Turns out two Wongs don't make a r**....
A guy walks up to a girl in the bar with his fist closed and says........I will go down on you if you can guess what I have in my hand.
The girl says........The empire state building.
The guy says..........That's close enough.
o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...
He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."
9/11, Perfect day to make an insensitive repost
o**... bin Laden's son came home from school crying. o**... asked, "why are you crying my son".
His son replied, "today our teacher asked us what the tallest building in America is. I said it's the Empire State Building and the whole class laughed at me."
"Don't worry son, I'll handle this."
The invention of s**...
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented s**..." The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"
Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President
He's going to put America into a blind trust.
Why is the Galactic Empire (Star Wars) so bad for you?
Because of its saturated Fett content!
The leg rests have taken over!
Fear the Ottoman Empire!
Why did the Sultan leave his job at Mattress City?
He was already a manager at Ottoman Empire
Realizing that the AT-AT doesn't have enough armor around the back, the Empire released a new batch with increased armor...
and called them the PHAT-ATs
What do you call a German empire with lots of hair?
The Furred r**...
What do you call Oriental pilots of the Galactic Empire?
Thai Fighters.
What's a police officer's favorite Star Wars movie?
The Empire Strikes b**...
When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.
But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.
o**... bin laden's son came back home from school one day in tears.
o**... asked: "What's wrong?"
His son said: "Our teacher asked me what the tallest building in new york is, and I got it wrong."
o**... replied: "What did you say?"
His son: "The empire state building."
o**...: "Don't worry son, i'll take care of it."
What is another name for the Austro-Hungarian empire?
Frankenreich
A man assumed he could fly so he jumped off of the roof of the Empire State Building
I guess you could say he jumped to his conclusion.
What do Queen Victoria's empire and people with innie bellybuttons have in common?
Navel superiority.
Who lead the Chinese empire into the Wi-Fi age
Emperor Ping
What's the most comfortable empire?
The Ottoman Empire.
And much like that one, I'll see myself out now.
Did you know 1 in 200 men are directly descended from the leader of the Mongol Empire?
I was shocked too, but it made a lot more sense once I realized that back then there were no Genghis condoms.
Pirates
Did you hear about the pirate ship caught by the Ottoman Empire and tried for thievery?
Regrettably, all hands were lost.
The biggest instant noodle company in Japan just went out of business
People are calling it the Fall of the Ramen Empire
A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death
He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".
3 guys worked on top of the empire state building.
They all had the same stuff for lunch every day and they said if they had it again they would jump to their deaths.
The Irish guy had a different meal so he lived.
The German guy had a different meal so he lived.
The polish guy had the same meal so he jumped to his death.
when talking to the wife she said I don't know why he did this. he made his own lunch every day
If an anime was based around the Ottoman Empire...
It would be a literal h**... anime.
What's the opposite of "The Empire strikes back"?
The Emperor has a s**....
Did you hear that a bunch of mechanics started an uprising and overthrew the government?
they called it the "Automan" Empire.
Trump meets the Queen
So Donald asks the Queen how you get to be king or a duke or other Royalty.
Queen:' Look Donald, an Emperor rules an Empire, a king rules a kingdom, a prince ruled a principality, a duke rules a duchy and so on'
Donald:' I rule the USA, what does that make me'
Queen: that's a country, that makes you a ....
10 september 2001
The child of Bin Laden comes home grumpy. His dad asks him "what happened?". "Today I got an F in geography class". "And what did she ask you?". "What's the tallest building from New York and I said Empire State Building". "Eh, don't cry over it, I'll take care of that for you."
An Irish boy asks his father: "Da, why did the Sun never set on the English empire?"
The latter promptly responded: "Well son, that's because God would never trust the English in the dark!"
Did you hear about the arabian body builder who built a business empire?
They called him the protein sheikh
How can you tell Jesus was Irish?
He lived at home until he was in his thirties, he thought his mother was a v**..., he was an unemployed carpenter who got into trouble with the Empire, his last night on Earth was spent out drinking with his mates, and his last request was a drink.
