Emotions Jokes
59 emotions jokes and hilarious emotions puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about emotions that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Emotions Short Jokes
Short emotions jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The emotions humour may include short emotional jokes also.
- The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused mark zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
- I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend. It was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers. - I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
- The last wedding I was at was very emotional. Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..
Even the massive cake was in tiers.. - What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl? Mr. President.
- I told my suitcases that there will be no holiday this year.... I am now dealing with emotional baggage.
- What do you call mixed emotions? Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car
- life is like a box of chocolates.... it is destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.
- I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage
- There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true! I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!
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Emotions One Liners
Which emotions one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with emotions? I can suggest the ones about thoughts feelings and no emotion.
- It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- What do you call the unit that measures emotions? A sentimetre.
- I just got back from a very emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
- What's a women's favorite thing to play with? My emotions.
- I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend. Even the cake was in tiers.
- I sold my emotions the other day... Not really sure how I feel about it.
- Why isn't six afraid of seven? Numbers don't have emotions
- Why are exclamation points always so emotional? Because they are always on their period.
- The definition of mixed emotions... My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car
- People always cry when cutting onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
- How does a cake show emotions? It tiers up.
(My cake day ends in 2 minutes.. I forgot) - I was at an emotional wedding, the cake was in tiers.
- If I had no emotions, I don't know how I'd feel about it.
- What emotion does a tree feel every spring? Relief
Emotions Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about emotions you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feeling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make emotions pranks.
My therapist told me that I find it impossible to vocalize my emotions.
Can't say that I'm surprised.
A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house
He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.
'Is it moving?' they asked.
'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!
The Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
The guys go to the f**... of their life-long pal...
After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Did you know that beer contains female hormones?
It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.
All apologies to the fairer s**....
Grammar tip
Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Some nice pair of legs
A group of girls walked by and I jokingly said to my girl "bet you wish you had a pair of legs like that" and she started crying. Smh girls are so emotional so I wheeled her back to the car.
Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.
She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!
I got really emotional at the petrol station earlier.
I don't know what came over me, I just started filling up.
An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11
He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.
"Are you sure?" The cashier says.
"I don't like change." the man replies.
Therapist: Did you know that you have an inability to verbally express your emotions?
Me: Can't say that I'm surprised.
Therapist: Exactly.
As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"
It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''
As I expected, my therapist told me that I have problems verbalizing my emotions.
Can't say I'm surprised.
One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.
And of course its covered with b**....
I finally found the courage to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday abroad this year.
Now, I'm dealing emotional baggage.
Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.
This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back
Amazed
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it a**..., with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband."A penny for your thoughts," she said."It's amazing! " he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $146.50. "
Therapist: Are you aware that you have incredible difficulty verbalizing your emotions?
Man: I can't say I'm surprised.
Therapist: Exactly.
Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the m**... gave at his trial?
Even the jury was touched.
Two lawyers before an American judge recently got into a wrangle
At last one of the disputants, losing control over his emotions, exclaimed to his opponent, "Sir, you are, I think the biggest fool that I ever had the misfortune to set eyes upon."
"Order! Order!" said the judge gravely. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."
Source: 1913 newspaper
I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.
There wasn't a dry eye in the room.
One Christmas Eve, a man and his wife were shopping in town and became separated...
The woman called him on her cell phone and said, "Where are you?" The guy said, "Remember that little jewelry store we went into last year and you found that diamond necklace that you wanted, but I couldn't afford to buy it for you?" The woman was overcome with emotion and said "Yes, yes ... I remember." And the guy said "I'm in the bar next door to that store having a beer."
Golfing
Al and Bob were on the 9th green getting ready to putt just as a f**... is passing by. Al takes off his hat, holds it to his chest and bows his head in a moment of silence.
After joining him an emotional Bob says "What a nice gesture Al, showing respect like that"
Al grabs his putter out of his bag and says " it's the least I could do, she was my wife for 43 years"
