Emo Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony

Got a job working with a bunch of Emo kids. It's depressing, they're always going on about dying, they look terrible with their white skin, and complain about how shit their life is.

Sorry not Emo kids......Chemo kids..

I started an emo salsa band

We're called Hispanic at the Disco

What do you call an emo accapella group?

Self harmony.

What do you call a committee of emo kids?

A cutting board

An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.ο»Ώ

I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?

And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

(Emo Philips)

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

What do you call an emo vegetable?

A despair-agus

How do you get an emo kid out of a tree?

You cut the rope

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

Have you heard about the new emo pizza?

It cuts itself

I wish I had emo hair

So it would cut itself.

I keep having flashbacks to my emo phase.

I think I might have PTXD.

What did the impatient emo do at the supermarket?

Cut in line.

I wish grass was emo...

...then it would cut itself.

One day I was playing...

I was about seven years oldβ€”and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw strange, wonderful thingsβ€”things I had never seen beforeβ€” like ... trees, grass, flowers, the sunβ€”that was nice!

I love playing chess with bald men in the park,

but it's hard to find 32 of them.

-Emo Phillips

What's the most offensive joke you have heard?

Here is a few I've heard:
What's the best thing about sex with twenty one year olds?
There's twenty of them

How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope

What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions?
A crime fighter

Whats the difference between a jew and a dollar?
People would care about losing 6 million dollars

An emo and a leaf were sitting at the top of a tree...

they both fall off at the same time? Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf.
The emo got caught by the rope.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Untie the rope...

What's the best kind of grass for your front yard?

Emo grass. Cuz it cuts itself.

This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine

I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

I wish my grass was emo

So it could cut itself

what do you call an emo acapella group?

Self Harmony

What do you call a major advancement made by an emo?

Cutting edge technology.

What do you call an emo kids cartoon?

Disney XD.

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo?

The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

What do you call an emo a cappella group? (NSFW)

Self harmony

How do you get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them

What do you call a depressed gang member?

An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son

I wish my lawn was emo

so it would cut itself.

What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor.

Cutting edge technology

I'm sick of emo kids walking school around with their shaved heads

Oh wait, that's the chemo kids

Apparently I wasn't accepted to the local emo club.

...They said I wasn't cut out for it.

I bought some of that emo grass seed, it's brilliant.

The grass cuts itself.

A Leaf and an Emo Person Both Fall From a Tree.

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

Why do you always high five the emo kid?

You can't leave them hanging...

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet

I was gonna keep it rather than return it.

But I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?"

And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

PS:- This was a joke cracked by Emo Philips way back in the 80s - I really loved it and wanted to share it here

How do emo people support themselves?

With a rope

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

Did you hear about the emo who appealed for admission into Harvard?

He didn't make the cut

What do you call an emo making a ginger bread house?

A cookie cutter

How do Emo kids reward themselves?

Gold Scars.

I'll see myself out.

What does a emo girl have in common with floor tiles?

Once you lay them, you can walk all over them.

How to make Emo Cupcakes

What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven










What is an emo girlfriend's favorite toy?

A bae-blade

I just got my math textbook for College Trig, and it's a little emo

It's called *I Write Sines Not Trajectories*

To save on mowing, get an emo lawn,

It cuts itself.

Did you hear about the new "emo" grass?

People love it because it cuts itself.

As I looked down at my son in his coffin,

I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo cunt sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'

What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

What do you call an emo italian person?

A pizza cutter

There's an emo in my Web Development class, she's doing a website about jewellery

Her first page was /Wrists

I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks.

All credit to Emo Phillips.

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots

What is the benefit of having emo grass?

It cuts itself

What do you call an bunch of muppets in an emo band?

Fragile Rock

Whenever I think back to my emo phase

I get PTxD

Did you hear about the emo pizza?

It cuts itself.

A few weeks ago, my emo friend told me his heart was hurting.

So, I told him to cut it out. Haven't seen him for a while.

Why was the Emo kicked out of the convention?

Because he was cutting in line

What are the funniest emo jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Emo? Well, here are the best Emo puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Emo pick up lines to share with friends.

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