Emitting Jokes
25 emitting jokes and hilarious emitting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about emitting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Emitting Short Jokes
Short emitting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The emitting humour may include short jokes also.
- A gypsy sold me a bulb that is said to cheer me and my flatmates up I have to say, it just emits delight
- How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
- How many Lojban-speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb? Two: one to change the bulb, and one to wonder what kind of bulb emits broken light!
- Another yo momma joke Yo momma so fat she emits more gravity waves than colliding black holes
- After countless scientific trials and errors, I have successfully turned back time. It's emit.
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Emitting One Liners
Which emitting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with emitting? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Scientists finally found out how to turn back time... It's emit.
- Why do skunks have a mercaptan-emitting gland at their rear? That's where it makes sense.
- What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician? log log log log log log log log log…
- Breaking News: Scientists turn back time end up with the word "emit"
- What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food? Frito Layser.
- What starts with a C, ends with a T, and emits a thin whitish fluid? A coconut!
Emitting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about emitting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make emitting pranks.
A golfer tells his buddy, Check out this Impossible-to Lose golf ball I have...
If you hit it in the water it floats and then activates a small propeller that moves it over to the edge so you can retrieve it. If you hit it in high grass it emits a smoke signal. If you hit it into a bush, it chirps. It's literally impossible to lose!
His buddy says Wow! That's awesome. How much does it cost?
The golfer says I don't know. I just found it on the course.
Stevie Wonder calls Tiger Woods and asks, "How do you fancy a round of golf?" Tiger smiles to himself and responds, "I didn't know you were able to play, Stevie."
Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can wear an earpiece which tells him the direction and distance to it.
Tiger says, "You have to understand Stevie, I'm a pro golfer, the best in the world! It will be too much of a mismatch!"
Stevie laughs, "Ok, well, tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken!?"
Angrily, Tiger mutters, "Ok, done! When do you want to play!?"
Stevie responds, "Any night this week."
Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says
"how do you fancy a round of golf"
Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"
Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
Tiger says "you have to understand Stevie I am a pro golfer, it will be too much of a mismatch"
Stevie says" OK well tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken"
Tiger says "OK done, when do you want to play?"
Stevie says "any night this week"
Husband: I lost my wife says to Inspector
Husband: I lost my wife; she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: what is her height?
Husband: I never checked.
Inspector: Slim or Healthy?
Husband: Not Slim can be healthy.
Inspector: color of eyes?
Husband: Never Notice.
Inspector: color of hair?
Husband: Changes According to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: yes.
Inspector: Color of the car? ...
Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 2.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door….an then the Husband started crying…
Inspector: Don not worry sir,… we will find your car.
An older lady visits a doctor to seek help with her frequent gas issues.
**Lady:** Doctor, you've got to help me. Lately I've had uncontrollable gas. Fortunately all my t**... are silent and emit no odor. As a matter of fact, in the few minutes you've been in here I've probably tooted 10 times and you can't even tell.
**Doctor:** I see. I have a couple of ideas. Let's try this prescription first. I want you to come back in a week and we'll see if it's working.
*The doctor scribbles something on his prescription pad and hands it to the old lady, who then gets the prescription filled. A week later she returns for the follow-up visit.*
**Lady:** Doctor, I have no idea what you gave me. I'm still tooting as much as before, but now they stink to high heavens!
**Doctor:** Wonderful. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up let's see what we can do for your hearing.
Missing wife
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Inspector : -Slim or healthy?.
Husband : -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Inspector : -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Inspector : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Inspector : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Inspector : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Inspector : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door... and then the husband started crying...
Inspector: -Don't worry sir,...We will find your car.
Missing report
A husband went to the police station to file a missing report
Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Officer: -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Officer: -Slim or healthy?
Husband: -Not slim, but probably healthy.
Officer: -Color of eyes?
Husband : -Never noticed.
Officer : -Color of hair?
Husband : -Changes according to season.
Officer : -What was she wearing?
Husband : -Not sure, either a dress or a suit.
Officer : -Was she driving?
Husband : -Yes.
Officer : -Color of the car?
Husband : -Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door... and then the husband started
crying...
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and j**... Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when j**... emits a thunderous f**....
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."