Emergency Services Jokes
21 emergency services jokes and hilarious emergency services puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about emergency services that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Emergency Services Short Jokes
Short emergency services jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The emergency services humour may include short emergency room jokes also.
- An original joke (50% of it is) What do you call it when a cow falls over?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when yo mama falls over?
You don't call it you call emergency earthquake services. - Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
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Emergency Services One Liners
Which emergency services one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with emergency services? I can suggest the ones about ambulance and emergency.
- What's the name for the emergency service for lemons? Lemonade
- I called emergency services I said, I need a christening *fast*
Gather Around for Fun Emergency Services Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about emergency services you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paramedics jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make emergency services pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.
They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.
The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.
999.
The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.
A woman drives a car
A blonde woman drives a car and hits a cop. She stops and checks if he's still alive, no vital signs. Panicked, she calls the emergency service.
W: *Hello, is this 911?*
D: *Yes, this is 911, what's your emergency?*
W: *You're now 910.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.
Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters joke
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple are driving and get involved in a huge c**....
The wife is thrown from the car and killed instantly. The husband wasnt hurt severely from the c**... by wearing his seat belt.
When emergency services arrive the man is screaming for his wife and rolling around in pain. Police come and inform him his wife died in the collision.
The man clutching between his legs in pain says "did you see if she had anything in her mouth".
A Blonde woman moves into a brand new neighbourhood,
The following evening her house catches fire and starts burning quickly, she quickly calls emergency services and gets put through to the fire department,
Blonde: Hello my house is burning down, you must come quickly.
Fire Chief: Ok no problem tell us where you live.
Blonde: It's a new house outside of town, on a new development.
Fire Chief: we don't seem to have your address on our systems, tell us how to get there.
Blonde: Hellllloooooooooo in your fkn red truck !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man at his wit's end called the s**... Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.
"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the s**... Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your s**... please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."
Snake bite
Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"
Safe Neighbourhood
Now that my wife and I have a child we want to ensure that we live somewhere with excellent emergency services.
Turns out we're already in a great spot; there's firetrucks and constables everywhere!
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion.
One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head.
"No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."
Two hunters walk into the woods....
One of them trips over, he's not breathing and his eyes have rolled back into their sockets. The other hunter whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The lady on the line asks what's wrong.
"Help, help! I think my friend is dead!"says the hunter.
"Calm down, take a breather, help will be with you shortly. First you need to make sure that he is dead"says the woman.
There is a silence, then a gunshot Is heard.
The hunter goes back on the phone and says "okay, now what?"
World's Funniest Joke
The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.
The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.
The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:
*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
French Jokes
What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.