Emergency Landing Jokes
13 emergency landing jokes and hilarious emergency landing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about emergency landing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Emergency Landing Short Jokes
Short emergency landing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The emergency landing humour may include short pilot landing jokes also.
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
- (True Story) Just got off a plane through the pacific and realized something... There is no such thing as an emergency water landing. It's called crashing into the ocean.
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Laughable Emergency Landing Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about emergency landing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hard landing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make emergency landing pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cosmonaut c**... lands
A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft c**... lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really bandaged from head to foot and sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.
"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.
"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yerster dye."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Emergency Landing:
Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to c**... I cou- hold on...
*to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP
Engine failure
A Boeing 747 was having trouble with the engines. The pilots called the cabin crew and asked them to prepare the cabin for an emergency landing.
After a while, the pilots call back and ask if the cabin is secure. The flight attendant replies "Yes, captain. But there are some lawyers walking around handing out business cards"
Emergency Landing
A pilot was flying at night when his engine quit, so he hurriedly looked up what to do in the flight manual.
"First, establish a stable glide speed. Turn the landing light on. If the terrain appears unsuitable for a forced landing, turn the landing light off."
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A passenger jet makes an emergency landing after an engine failure
A news crew is interviewing people coming off the plane.
Sir, asked the reporter, where you scared?
No, replied the man, I'm a Catholic, I prayed to St. Christopher, and I knew my faith would protect me.
The reporter moves on to the next available passenger, Sir, what was going through your mind?
I wasn't afraid, as an Evangelical, I know I've been saved.
The reporter, exasperated, moves on to a third passenger, Sir, I suppose you're also religious?
Yes, I'm a E-copalian
What's that?
I'm not sure anymore, but I know that landing scared the p**... out of me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Helicopter c**...
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend
The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.
Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.
The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!!!"
"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
French Jokes
What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jewish sense of humor
Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the c**... landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
A Plane is Crashing over the Atlantic
A plane is halfway between New York and London when the pilot announces to the passengers that two engines have failed, and that they will be making an emergency landing in about 30 minutes. Most of the passengers are relatively calm, except for a woman in the back of the plane, who is in absolute hysterics. She is screaming and crying, until she stands up and shouts, "Please! Before I die, I want someone in here to make me feel like a real WOMAN!" A tall, handsome man with a sophisticated English accent stands up and slowly walks to the back of the plane. He sensually removes his shirt, approaches the woman and says, "Here. Iron this."