emerged Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious emerged puns

A husband emerged from the bathroom...

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,...it's up to you!"

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead . . .

were in a breast stroke competition to cross the English Channel. They all dove in together on the shores of the UK. Across the Channel on the shores of France, the judges and media waited patiently.
After a few hours the redhead emerged from the waters to hearty cheers. About a half hour later, the brunette emerged to polite applause. But where was the blond?
They waited and waited. The sun was starting to set when the blond came out of the water, nearly dead from exhaustion. The few newsmen that remained rushed to her and asked if she had anything to say.
"Yes!" she gasped. "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think that brunette and redhead were using their arms!"

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Headache

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache"

"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"

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Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

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A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman.

Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The man said, "This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The woman replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this she handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

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One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven.
So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish that one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. Sven kept on eating and ended up eating a total of nine tench fish.

The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!

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The Genie With a Price

One day as he was walking on the beach, a man found a golden lamp.

He opened it and a large blue genie emerged from the bottle.

"You have 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double."

The man immediately wishes for 3 million dollars. He goes home to find 3 million dollars under his bed!

Suddenly his ex-wife texts him, "I just found 6 million dollars in my mailbox!".

The next day, the man asks the genie for the largest mansion in Dubai overlooking the sea. He enters his new mansion, but to his surprise, his ex-wife now owns an even larger mansion that sits atop of his with an even better view of the ocean.

The man thinks for a long time.

"This might sound weird but could you beat me half to death?"

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Rose asked her father how she got her name...

"Rose, you were named after the first thing that touched your head after you were born." The father replied. Next, his other daughter, Daisy, asked her father the same question. "How did I get my name, daddy?" The father replied, "Daisy, you were named after the first thing that touched your head after you were born."

Then from the other room, a muffled groan emerged: "gruuuuuuuuuuuuulmmm!" To which the father replied, "keep it down in there, brick!"

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As the head emerged from my wife's vagina, one of the doctors turned to me.

He said, "Are you excited?"

"Of course," I replied. "I haven't seen my Action Man in ages!"

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I Have Your Aspirin

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."

"Don't worry," her husband said. I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository.

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A friend you can trust...

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday. Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left. Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust.

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What emerged from the Olympic pools and wreaked havoc in Rio?

The Lochte-Mess Monster of coarse.

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I was at a dog fight recently. The combatants were a 200lb Rottweiler and a 2lb Chihuahua. The Chihuahua emerged victorious...

The Rottweiler choked on him.

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"You left a floater in there you idiot", he screamed at me as he emerged from the toilet.

My first day as an astronaut was not going as planned.

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Once, there was an alien who emerged from someone's chest.

It was an emergency.

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What are the most funny Emerged jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Emerged? Well, here are the best Emerged dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Emerged pick up lines to share with friends.

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