embarrassed Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious embarrassed puns

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face

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Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your suicide jokes when you get older

Me "when I what"

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Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

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Dad joke

A dad goes to see his daughter in her room but the door is shut. He opens it, and finds his daughter and some guy he's never met having sex.

The daughter looks up, distraught and embarrassed.
"I.. I can explain! I'm sorry!"

"Hi Sorry, I'm Dad."

He looks at the guy.

"Are you fucking Sorry?"

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A woman teaches her virgin boyfriend.....

about sex. She suggests some 69 and has him lay down with her on top. As she starts sucking him, she lowers her pussy to his face and accidentally farts. Embarrassed, she jumps up and says they should try again. As soon as she squats on his face, she farts again. The guy then says: Can we try something else? I don't think I can take 67 more of these.

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Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

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I went to a new doctor the other day and found the doctor to be a young, drop-dead gorgeous female!

I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before, Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..."

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I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

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A woman goes to a new gynecologist for an exam.

He takes a look and she's embarrassed to hear "That's a big vagina! That's a big vagina!" from betwixt her nethers.

Flustered, the woman replies, "I know it is, but you didn't have to say it twice!"

Doc answers back, "I only said it once."

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I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new doctor is a young female and drop dead gorgeous.

I was embarrassed, but she said, Don't worry, I am a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out."

I said, My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny .

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I went to the doctors office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young, female, and drop-dead gorgeous.

I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen
it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and il check it out."

I said, "My wife thinks by dick tastes funny".

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A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the window..

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry; that was an insect". To which, her daughter replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".

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A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

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A dildo hits a family car...

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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NSFW Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo..

As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.
"What's that, Mommy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.
A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mommy said it was nothing."
"Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

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I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

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I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book.

Not only was I embarrassed it cost me more than $50 in stamps.

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I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

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A Mom is driving with her 7-year old daughter.

They are following a garbage truck, when a dildo flies out and hits the windshield. The little girl asks, "Mom, what was that?" Mom, being embarrassed, says "Oh honey, it was just a bug." "Wow!", says the little girl, "It sure had a big dick!"

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Married couple

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

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So a guy woke up with 3 balls one morning...

and he went to see the doctor. But then he was too embarrassed to tell the doctor directly so he was like "hey doctor, me and you together, we have 5 balls." and the doctor was like... "WHAT?! you have 4 BALLS?!"

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I'm self conscious about my hairless butt cheeks...

I embarrassed

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I went to the clinic the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed, but she said, Don't worry, I'm a professional – I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can.

I said, I think my penis tastes funny…

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Mom, dad, daughter and the dildo

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughters innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, " I am surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

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A girl is at the circus...

... and she sees an elephant. She asks her mom "What's that between the elephant's legs?"

Her mom is embarrassed and says "That's nothing, dear."

Unsatisfied with this answer, she turns to her dad and asks "Daddy, what's that between the elephant's legs?"

Her dad is straightforward and says "That's the elephant's penis."

She says "Oh" and pauses. Then she asks, "Why did Mommy say it was nothing?"

To which the dad replies, "Well, ya know, I spoil her."

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I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish.

I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

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A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

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A woman in a jewelry store farted.....

.....while bending over looking at a beautiful diamond ring. She looks around embarrassed and see the salesman standing behind her. Totally professional he say " Good day madam how may I help u?" Hoping maybe he hadn't heard her accident she ask, " Sir what's the price for this lovely ring?" He answered madam if u fart by just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price!!!!

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a family are driving behind a garbage truck......

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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Beautiful doctor

I went to the doctors office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop dead gorgeous.

I was embarrassed but she said Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before, just tell me what's wrong and il check it out.

I said, my wife thinks by dick tastes funny .

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A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a rectal thermometer behind your ear."

The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some asshole's got my pencil!"

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I went to the doctor the other day...

...and found out my
new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm
a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's
wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my penis tastes funny."

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A young woman is about to get married...

She says to her mom, "I need you to teach me everything I need to know to make my husband happy."

The mom gets really embarrassed and starts, "Well, sweetie, when a man and a woman are in love, they sometimes what to be physically close to each other..."

The young woman cuts her off. "Mom, I already know how to fuck. I need you to teach me how to make lasagna."

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What are the best Embarrassed puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Embarrassed? Well, here are the best Embarrassed dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Embarrassed pick up lines to share with friends.

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