Embarrassed Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Embarrassed puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Embarrassed

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

Don't honk your horn at old people.

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face

Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your suicide jokes when you get older

Me "when I what"

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

The girl answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!!"

All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.

After a few minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him," I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice,"$300 for one night. That's too much!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty."

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish.

I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a rectal thermometer behind your ear."

The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some asshole's got my pencil!"

Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed?

He got caught taking a leek

The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first sex-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.

"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."

"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"

Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

A Day in the Library

A guy is looking for a place to sit in the crowded library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The guy then responded in a loud voice:
"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... . . THAT'S ROBBERY!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

Psychology vs Law

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

Pilot Choice

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.

All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.

He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads

Dear Joey

Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.

Love Grandma

I can't believe this happened

I was on the toilet, and shortly after I sat down I heard from the stall next door, "Hi, how are you?". Embarrassed but not wanting to be rude I said "doing fine?" Then I hear them ask "So what are you up to?". ?!?! "Um..." I said "Same as you I'd guess. Just sitting here." Then I'm completely caught off guard when asked "Can I come over?" "I'm kind of busy at the moment" Annoyed I responded. Then I hear "Listen, I'll call you back later, the idiot in the next stall is answering all of my questions."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."

At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.

"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and screwed her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.

"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."

"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

Green Spots

Rebecca is worried about 2 green spots that appeared on her inner thighs. Although she is embarrassed, she goes to the doctor who looks and asks her ' Is your boyfriend a Gypsy? '
Rebecca says 'Yes, how did you know?'
So the doctor said 'Tell him his earrings are not gold'

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Where do Squarells live?

In Geometrees.

I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles.

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said

"I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.

GRANDPA'S CONDOMS

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Big enough to fit a Camel."

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...

An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?

A priest gives a young nun a lift home from church one day..

As he's shifting gears, he rests his hand on the nun's knee.

The young nun looks up at the priest and says, Father, remember Luke 14:10.

The priest withdraws his hand embarrassed.

Next time they stop at a light, he places his hand a little higher up on her thigh, again the nun says, Remember Luke 14:10, Father.

The priest apologizes, The flesh is weak.

So he drops her off, and when he gets home, he reaches for his bible and flips to Luke 14:10.

Friend, come up higher, then shalt thou have glory!

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant...

is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

I am so embarrassed, the woman says. Please join me for dinner."

They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards, she invites him to the theatre, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast. The next morning the guy is amazed.

"Are you this nice to every biker you meet? he asks.

Not usually, she replies. But you just happened to catch my eye.

An old man was asked What's your secret that, even after 60 years of marriage, you still manage to call your wife my love, honey, sweetheart?

He said Well, I've forgotten her name long ago and I'm embarrassed to ask

Intimate bathroom conversation . . .

I was in a men's room and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next stall.

He said, Hi, how are you? Embarrassed I said, I am doing fine.

The voice said, So what are you up to? I said, Just doing the same as you, sitting here!

From the next stall came, Can I come over? Annoyed, I replied, Rather busy right now!

Then the voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back. There's an idiot in the next stall here answering all of my questions.

Pittsburgh

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.

Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.

The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.

Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And
I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

Pastor in the KKK

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face

A naive young priest is sent to New York City...

... and while waking through the park is approached by a scantily-clad prostitute.

"Hey father, how about some head, only ten bucks!"

He doesn't understand but is so embarrassed he just mumbles "no thank you" and hurries Back to the church.

Thinking about the encounter later he asks one of the nuns, "hey sister what's 'head'?

"Ten bucks same as in the park."

In a crowded city…

at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. Β As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.Β 

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.Β 

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.Β 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.Β 

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.Β 

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.Β 

She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"Β 

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"Β 

A boy goes to sit beside a girl in library.

A boy looks around in library to find a girl sitting alone. He goes to her and says, "Can I sit beside you?"

She replies loudly, "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the library looks at the boy in shock. He slows moves to another table quite embarrassed.

A few minutes later, the girl comes to sit beside the boy and says, "I am a psychology student. I know how to make you feel embarrassed."

To which the boy replies even louder, "1000$ FOR ONE NIGHT?! THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

Everyone in the library looks at the girl, even more shocked.

The boy leans towards the girl and says, "I'm a law student. I know how to make you feel guilty."

A man has a talking dog

A man takes his talking dog to a talent show to showcase its talent.
They come on stage and the man says to the dog 'What do you find on trees?' and the dog replies 'Bark, bark'. The crowd boos.

The man says to the dog 'what do you find on top of a house?' and the dog replies 'roof, roof'. By this time the jeering intensifies and the crowd start throwing stuff on stage so embarrassed the pair return home.

In the car on the way home the dog turns to the man and says, 'Do you think I should have said chimney?'

A prostitution ring gets busted one afternoon.

As all of the girls were lined up outside the police station to get booked, one of the girls noticed her grandma walking by, who came up to her and said, Why Hello?! What are you waiting in line for dear?

The prostitute, embarrassed, lies and says she's waiting in line for an orange stand, to which the Grandma replied, Oh, I would love some oranges!

As the prostitute and her grandma came to the front of the line, the policeman asked the Grandma, How do you still do it at this age?

The Grandma replied, I just pull out my dentures, pull back the skin, and suck it dry!

A man wishes to join an exclusive local church's congregation...

...and during his interview with the pastor, he's asked if he's ever engaged in any unusual sexual activity. He looks down, embarrassed, and sighs deeply.

"Well, yes, actually. Just last week, my girlfriend had dropped a head of lettuce. When she bent over, and I saw her shapely rear silhouetted by the light nearby, I ... I just couldn't help myself. I had to have her, so I made love to her right then and there."

The pastor replies, "I'm terribly sorry, sir. We can't allow that kind of behavior here. Premarital sex, even in a loving relationship, is against our doctrine."

The man shrugs, seemingly expecting the rejection. He stands up and begins walking to the door. "Hey, padre? Don't feel bad," he says. "We're not allowed in Wal*Mart any more either."

Embarassment

A guy asked a girl in a university library:
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice:
"I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy;
he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes,
the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said:

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?

The guy then responded with a loud voice:
$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S TOO MUCH!

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered in her ear:
"I study law, and I know how to screw people".

Nurse Joke (NSFW)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

I used to be embarrassed by my facial hair, but it grew on me.

Psychology and the Law.

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl *"Do you mind if I sit beside you ?"*

The girl replied in a loud voice:

*"NO I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"*...

All the people in the library started staring at the guy, he was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh:

*"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"*

The guy then responded in a loud voice:

*"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT ? ... THAT'S TOO MUCH!"*

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered to her: *"I study law, and I know how to screw people"*.

A little Arab boy

Anything that makes people who aren't white Americans embarrassed or angry, is racist.

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.

He sees a girl sitting by herself and asks, "Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replies with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library start staring at the guy. Being embarrassed, he moves to another table. After a couple of minutes, the girl walks quietly to the guy's table and says with a laugh, "I study psychology, and I can tell what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice, $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library now look at the girl in shock. Then the guy whispers in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

Why was the gardener embarrassed?

He wet his plants in front of everyone

Testicles. (Not sure if a repost, found this joke on a fb page)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results -back?

Why was Kylo Ren embarrassed at McDonald's?

It was his First Order!

A guy asked a girl in a library, Do you mind if I sit by you?

The girl answered with a loud voice, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUUU!!!!!!

All the students in the library looked up at the guy and he was embarrassed. The girl whispered to him; I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. You're embarrassed, right?

The guy responded with a loud voice, $200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!!?? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!!

...And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy leaned down and whispered in her ear I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty.

Two midgets decide to get hookers...

They went to a motel with their ladies and get two rooms. The first midget is really embarrassed because he cannot get an erection. His confidence was hurt even more when he heard his friend in the room saying "1, 2, 3, push!" Over and over again.

The next morning he was talking to his friend over breakfast. He said "That was the most embarrassing thing ever. I couldn't get a hard on"
His friend responds "You think that is embarrassing, I couldn't get on the bed."

When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.

So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"

"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life.

"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."

A wife's husband and her lover end up at the same backyard party.

They are actually talking to each other, though somewhat unacquainted. The wife wants to somehow interject and separate the two.

"Honey, do you want a beer?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

She hustles off. flustered and embarrassed at **both** of them responding.

The husband looks wryly at the gentleman next to him..

"Hmm.." he begins thinking. "How did *he* know I wanted a beer?"

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

An Indian learning English.

An Indian(like from India) is walking through the forest with his English teacher while the teacher points to and names objects. He points to a tree and says, "tree" the Indian repeats, "tree". They walk a little further and the teacher points to a rock and says, "rock" and the Indian repeats, "rock". They walk a little farther still and they come across a couple having sex, the Indian says, "how you say that?" the teacher, a tad embarrassed, says, "uuhh that's a bicycle." The Indian proceeds to run over, pick up the guy from the ground and beat him senseless. The teacher, surprised, runs over and manages to pull the Indian off of the man. He says," why did you do that? do you know this man?" the Indian responds, "No, I don't know the man, but he was riding my bicycle!"

In the Library...

A guy asks a girl sitting alone at the library, "do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said, "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "What??? $200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

...And now all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

Then, the guy whispered in her ears, "I study Law and I know how to make others feel guilty."

I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

Are my testicles black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

Rich sheik's son studies abroad

The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father:

"Father,
I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed when I arrive at university in my Lamborghini every day, whereas my fellow students and even the profs come here every day with a subway train, I stick out like a sore thumb."

The next day, his father replies:
"Son,
I've transferred $100 million to your bank account. Go buy yourself a subway train, too - don't you be a disgrace to us!"

A Texas man is on vacation in Europe..

As he walks along with a tour guide, they come across some graffiti where someone has spray painted 'Yankee go home!"

The tour guide flustered and a bit embarrassed, said 'sorry you had to see that'

The Texan said 'don't worry, where I'm from we don't like them either'

A mother comes down to the kitchen and finds her daughter up early, eating a bowl of cereal...

The daughter asks- Mommy, I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom a little while ago. What were you and Daddy doing in there?

The mother is instantly embarrassed.

Um... your daddy and I were making a cake, sweetheart.

The next morning the mom comes down and the little girl asks- Mommy, were you and Daddy in there making another cake just now?

The mother says- Why yes, honey. Were we making too much noise again?

The little girl says- Not this time. I just noticed you have a little frosting on your chin.

Why was the lettuce embarrassed?

It saw the salad dressing.

Proper old couple

A very proper old British couple had been seeing each other for some time and decided to get married. They began discussing the terms of their marriage, their home, their life together. It was the gentleman who first brought up the topic of sex.

"Well my dear, it seems to me we should broach the subject of our physical relationship. What are your feelings about sex?"

She looked somewhat embarrassed. "Well, I must confess that I should like it infrequently."

He looked at her very closely. "Was that one word, or two?"

Little Johnny walks in on his dad having sex with his aunt.

Aunt was going up and down on his dad.When he sees little Johnny he is embarrassed and quickly tries covering up.

"So,..Son, see Aunty was ju.."

Little Johnny interrupts before dad could say further and says, "I know she was helping you flatten your tummy by going up and down, right?"

Dad is perplexed as it was the exactly what he was going to say and asks Johnny, "Right... Uhh, but how do you know?"

"Well, mommy too was helping the mailman flatten his tummy the other day."

The Library Conversation

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear,

"I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

People can be so easy to read...

...like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.

Are my .....

A male patient is lying in bed at a hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and still heavily sedated from more than four hours of operation. A young female nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

Patient: Nurse (he feebly mumbles from behind the mask) are my testicles black?

Embarrassed young nurse: I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet.

Patient (struggles again to ask): Nurse, Please, Are my testicles black?

Finally, she removes his covers, lifts his gown, takes a close look and says: There is nothing wrong with them!

Patient (slowly after removing his oxygen mask): That was very nice but listen very, closely – ARE…MY…TEST…RESULTS…BACK?

Once upon a time a boy asked a girl in a library

Do you mind if I sit next to you the girl shouts I don't want to spend the night with you everyone starts staring at him the boy feeling embarrassed sits at another table. A minute later the walks up to him and says I study psychology you must feel embarrassed the boys shouts $300 dollars is to much for one night everyone starts starring the girl then the boy whispers I am a lawyer I know how to make someone guilty.

A preacher…

…was asked to give a talk at a woman's health symposium. His wife asked about the topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about sex. Thinking quickly, he replied, "I'm talking about sailing."

"Oh, that's nice," said his wife.

The next day, at the grocery store, a young woman who had attended the lecture recognized the minister's wife.

"That was certainly an excellent talk your husband gave yesterday," she said. "He really has a unique perspective on the subject."

Somewhat surprised, the minister's wife replied, "Gee, funny you should think so. I mean, he's only done it twice. The first time he threw up, and the second time his hat blew off."

A man moves into a nudist colony

Once he got to his new location, he received a letter from his mother asking him to send a picture of himself in his new location. Embarrassed about moving into a nudist colony, the man decides to take a picture of himself and cut it in half to send to his mother. After he sends the picture to his mother, he realizes he has sent the wrong half. He knows his mother has poor eyesight and hopes that she does not see it very well. When he gets a return letter, the letter read "Son, change your hairstyle, it makes your nose look short."

A lady sat in a restaurant waiting for her date to arrive...

Suddenly, she let one rip. The whole restaurant heard and turned to look at her.

Embarrassed, the lady said to the waiter "stop that!"

He said "Sure, lady. Which way was it heading?"

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

Just a whisper.

So my mother in law was in town today, and we took my son to Walmart to get him something for his birthday. I'm off looking at the fishing rods, and my son Johnny is with his grandmother.

I guess he told her he has to pee, and she got really embarrassed. Told him it's not a polite word, and he should say he has to whisper instead.


So they come find me, and he looks at me and says "Daddy, I need to whisper."

So I kneel down on the floor, and tell him to whisper in my ear. And that's the last time I let my mother in law come stay with us.

This could happen to you.

This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know
what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doing' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear
another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be
polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who
keeps answering all my questions."

A favorite joke of the Swiss (although any country combo will do)

A group of Austrians, embarrassed of the Swiss engineers, approach them with a request to build a bridge in the Sahara. "We want to build the most beautiful bridge, with perfect precision, workmanship, and quality to last a thousand years".

The Swiss Engineers, intrigued by the challenge, go to work. Six months later, they present the Austrians with their timeless bridge in all its glory!

"Hahaha, you dumb Swiss, there's no water in the Sahara, we made you build a useless bridge", teased the Austrians with great fervour. "Now tear it down"

Reply the Swiss engineers: "We would, but there's a group of Austrians fishing off it".

I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it.

The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.

Confession of a young OB/GYN doc.

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard. No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.

Your drunk uncle

At 10 years old, you laugh at your drunk uncle

At 16, you are embarrassed by your drunk uncle

At 25, you are drunk with your uncle

At 40 *you* are the drunk uncle.

Jesus relieves St. Peter at he pearly gates for a coffee break.

Soon an old man approaches to be admitted. Jesus thinks to himself..."Oh man, I know this guy from somewhere." Embarrassed, he says, "Yes, I know you. On Earth you lived...let's see..." The old man says, "I lived in a Mediterranean country." Jesus says, "Right, I remember. And you worked as...uh..." "I was a carpenter." the old man says. "Yes, and kids, you had..." The old man says, "Well there was the boy, but he wasn't really mine." Then it clicks, Jesus looks at the old man and cries, "Dad!" and the old man cries, "Pinocchio!"

A priest is giving a nun a ride home one day...

As they're in the car, each time the Priest goes to switch gears, he rests his hand on the nuns knee.

The nun looks up at the priest and says "Father, remember Luke 14 10."

The priest moves his hand away, embarrassed. The next time they stop at a light, he places his hand a little higher on her leg.

Once again, the nun says "Remember Luke 14 10, father."

The priest apologizes, "The flesh is weak" he says.

The priest drops the nun off, and when he gets home, he reaches for his bible and flips to Luke 14 10, which says.

"Friend, come up higher. Then shalt thow have glory."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes