Embarrassing Jokes

125 embarrassing jokes and hilarious embarrassing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about embarrassing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ever put in an embarrassing situation that leaves you laughing at yourself? Read about the funniest, most uncomfortable embarrassing jokes and moments that can help you relate to an embarrassing situation. Learn how to laugh at yourself, and make light of embarrassing moments.

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Short Embarrassing Jokes
Embarrassing One Liners
Really Embarrassing Jokes
Embarrassing Dad Jokes
Embarrassing Moments Jokes
More Embarrassing Jokes

Funniest Embarrassing Short Jokes

Short embarrassing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The embarrassing humour may include short embarrassed jokes also.

I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn't hold up.
I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing. She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing. So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.
As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam. It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday? Throw Them A Surprise Party.
Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..
What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

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Embarrassing One Liners

Which embarrassing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with embarrassing? I can suggest the ones about ashamed and annoying.

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party.
Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
Why was the gardener embarrassed? He wet his plants in front of everyone
Why was Kylo Ren embarrassed at McDonald's? It was his First Order!
Why was the lettuce embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing.
Why do Welshmen like to embarrass their wives? It makes them rather sheepish.
Why was Zeus embarrassed in his swimsuit? Because of his thunder thighs.
Why was the zombie embarrassed in bed? He had resurrectile disfunction
How did cell embarrass vegeta? He put a hole in his trunks.
What do you call an embarrassing situation underwater? Aquard
Why was the ocean embarrassed? Because all the fish could see his bottom.
Why is my cat constantly embarrassed? Because he always has fou' paws!
Why was the plant embarrassed? It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*
A man walks into a bar. Embarrassed, he dusts himself off, then walks around it.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? Because he wet his plants

Really Embarrassing Jokes

Here is a list of funny really embarrassing jokes and even better really embarrassing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I find it really awkward that my Grandparents named my Dad's sister "Vaccine"... I'm embarrassed to tell people that she's Auntie Vax.
I went to a fondue party last night and thought of a really great joke! I was too embarrassed to say it though, it was really cheesy.
My wife told me to take all of her clothes off last night I was so embarrassed. I really wish she'd tell me when she was coming home early
A mom tells her son a joke. The son is so embarrassed. Son says "Mom, please don't make anymore jokes. You really can't make them."
Mom shrugs and replies, "Well- I did make you."
IKEA visits with my dad are always really embarrassing. Every time we see a table he starts to explain about symbols. He's like a legend!
Got really embarrassed when I 'John Cena'd' when I was with my girlfriend last night... I came out of nowhere.
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**.... Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
My 9 year old daughter is starting to ask me some really embarrassing questions about s**... that I dont want to answer I mean, just yesterday she asked me is that the best you can do?
I find it really embarrassing that whenever anyone visits my house, the dog starts sniffing their c**.... Especially, as it is a Chihuahua and I have to lift him up.
TIFU by walking in on my roommate jerking off Our eyes locked as I opened the front door. He seemed really embarrassed and then he spoke.
"Why are you m**...?," he asked me.

Embarrassing Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny embarrassing dad jokes and even better embarrassing dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I thought nothing could be more embarrassing than finding my dad's playboys in the closet. Until one of them tried to shake my hand.
I told my Dad it'd be embarrassing to chaperone at my schools prom. He said I'd do fine and thanks for hooking him up with the freshman date.
My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom... I guess he's just trying to shave face
Brazil - Germany, the most embarrassing semi since... ... I watched Brokeback Mountain with my Dad.
The most embarrassing moment of my life was probably walking in on my parents having s**... after 45 minutes my dad was like, dude, get out of here!
i think mark hoppus said this one
I cried the first time I had s**.... You can laugh. Im not embarrassed by it. It was a very emotional moment for me... I think it's because it was the first time my dad ever hugged me.
I'm so embarrassed, I got caught getting a b**... by my mum last week.. The worst thing is it was my dad who caught us
A dad accidentally walks in on his son jerking off.. and the kid is embarrassed and ashamed. The father, noticing this, says" Son, m**... is only a problem if you let it get out of hand."

Embarrassing joke, A dad accidentally walks in on his son jerking off..

Embarrassing Moments Jokes

Here is a list of funny embarrassing moments jokes and even better embarrassing moments puns that will make you laugh with friends.

probably the most embarrassing moment of my life was when i soiled myself at grade school in front of the entire class i lost my teaching licence that day

Embarrassing joke, probably the most embarrassing moment of my life was when i soiled myself at grade school in front o

Hilarious Fun Embarrassing Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about embarrassing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frustrating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make embarrassing pranks.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

k**... Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas

and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of f**... silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

First Impressions

A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"

My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about s**....

Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".

Whales

A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said

"I have a s**... problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "t**... clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an e**... either."

Preacher goes to a party

A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"

Green Spots

Rebecca is worried about 2 green spots that appeared on her inner thighs. Although she is embarrassed, she goes to the doctor who looks and asks her ' Is your boyfriend a Gypsy? '
Rebecca says 'Yes, how did you know?'
So the doctor said 'Tell him his earrings are not gold'

Pilot Choice

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

Permanent e**...

Where do Squarells live?

In Geometrees.
I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles.

As I was walking home I passed a woman with one breast hanging out of her shirt..

So as to spare her any further embarrassment, I quietly pointed out her chestal indiscretion as I passed.
She looks down and screams "OH MY GOD!! I left the baby on the bus!!!"

Twelve Italian priests...

...were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally n**..., in a garden while a s**..., beautiful, big breasted, n**... model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
As he bent over to pick it up… all the other bells started to ring!

Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used t**... and ask, "What period is this from?"

An Arab student e-mails his dad

Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:

My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad

I used to be embarrassed by my geology f**....

I started off s**... gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A Day in the Library

A guy is looking for a place to sit in the crowded library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?
The guy then responded in a loud voice:
"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... . . THAT'S ROBBERY!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

I once sent n**... pictures to everyone in my contacts list. Not only was it embarrassing...

It cost me a fortune in stamps.

A priest is doing some community work downtown...

...when he is propositioned by a h**....
"Hey Father, I'll give the best b**... of your life for $10."
Confused, the priest replies "No thank you, my dear."
Later, back at the church, he approaches one of the nuns.
"Sister, this is kind of embarrassing, but what's a b**...?"
"Oh, you know," says the nun, "$10, same as downtown."

Psychology vs Law

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

GRANDPA'S CONDOMS

An old man finds a c**... in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a c**...," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c**....
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a r**... thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a r**... thermometer behind your ear."
The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some a**...'s got my pencil!"

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have s**... with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

My daughter is getting to the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about s**......

yesterday she asked me: "Is that all you got?"

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil h**...! Is the war over?

My daughter reached that age where they start asking embarrassing questions about s**...

The last one was "is that all you got?"

I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

I can't believe this happened

I was on the toilet, and shortly after I sat down I heard from the stall next door, "Hi, how are you?". Embarrassed but not wanting to be rude I said "doing fine?" Then I hear them ask "So what are you up to?". ?!?! "Um..." I said "Same as you I'd guess. Just sitting here." Then I'm completely caught off guard when asked "Can I come over?" "I'm kind of busy at the moment" Annoyed I responded. Then I hear "Listen, I'll call you back later, the idiot in the next stall is answering all of my questions."

I was so embarrassed when I got an e**... during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

I hope aliens don't land in the USA and say "take me to your leader"

How embarrassing would that be

I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...

the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.
"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an e**... during this procedure."
"I don't have an e**...', I responded.
Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."

My daughter has got to the age where she ask embarrassing questions about s**...

Such as today when she asked "Is that the best you can do?"

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle j... a horse" and "i helped my uncle j... a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.

A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."
The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.
She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret f**... via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.
Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads
Dear Joey
Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.
Love Grandma

Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your s**... jokes when you get older

Me "when I what"

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"

Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

Last year I entered a marathon.

The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied, "You really want to know?"
Then I dropped out of the race.

I went to this really cool restaurant where they gave out free bandanas with the meals

My girlfriend didn't like it though. She kept saying stuff like, "You're embarrassing me" and "Please take that napkin off your head."

How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Hand him a used t**... and ask which period it's from.

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!!"
All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.
After a few minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him," I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice,"$300 for one night. That's too much!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty."

An old man was asked What's your secret that, even after 60 years of marriage, you still manage to call your wife my love, honey, sweetheart?

He said Well, I've forgotten her name long ago and I'm embarrassed to ask

My ex gf wanted to embarrass me, and attempted to do so by loudly proclaiming in front of her friends how bad I was in bed.

You should have seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.

A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.

An Arab student emails his dad:

*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.

*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*

My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad

A boy asked a girl in a library, Do you mind if I sit next to you?

The girl replied with a loud angry voice; I don't want to spend the night with you! All the people in the library started looking at the boy and felt embarrassed. After a few minutes the girl walked calmly to the boy's table and said: I study psychology and I known what the man is thinking, I guess you felt pretty embarrassed, huh? The boy replied loudly: $300 for one night? That's too much! And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ear, I study law I know how to make someone guilty

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that's when I went to Yale. Bit embarrassed about that.
Interviewer: d**..., embarassed about Yale? You're definitely hired!
Me: Thanks! I REALLY needed this yob.

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London.

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.
Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry! apologizes the embarrassed Queen.
Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses!"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?

Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.

A guy's wife is stuck in a toilet.

He tries getting her out - nothing, she's still stuck, unable to get out. So guy calls the plumbing company to come to rescue. They say that they'll be there in half an hour. While waiting, the guy covers his wife's private parts with a sombrero, so she doesn't get embarrassed any further.
Half an hour later plumbers come, look at the situation and the more experienced looking one says "We'll get the lady out - no problem. As for the Mexican - I'm sorry, but we think he's beyond saving..."

kind of ugly

A guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "sheesh, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."

A man comes home from church with two black eyes.

His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"
"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"
"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"