Embarrass Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party.

Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

I was so embarrassed when I got an erection during a prostate exam.

Especially when they found out I'm not even a doctor.

What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday?

Throw Them A Surprise Party.

I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish.

I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails?

The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

I used to be embarrassed by my facial hair, but it grew on me.

How to embarrass an archaeologist:

hand them a used tampon and ask, "which period is this from?"

Embarrassing Trip to the Local Swimming Pool

A young lady was swimming at a swimming pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.

To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her lady bits exposed.

Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up.

This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign.

**"Depth 1.8metres"**

Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another.

More stares came her way...the sign read:

**"Men's entrance"**

She could feel her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab.

Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign.

**"Repairs ongoing, please enter by the back"**

Why do Welshmen like to embarrass their wives?

It makes them rather sheepish.

"Mommy, mommy! Little Johnny pulled out his thingy and showed it to me in the tree house!"

Sally's mother gasped, but didn't want to embarrass her. "Well, what did you think?" she asked.

"It reminded me of a peanut."

"You mean it was small?" her mother chuckled.

"No!" said Sally. "It was salty!"

How did cell embarrass vegeta?

He put a hole in his trunks.

The most embarrassing moment of my life was probably walking in on my parents having sex

after 45 minutes my dad was like, dude, get out of here!

i think mark hoppus said this one

The billionaire was taking his bath when he had to fart...

Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his manservant, he said "Jeeves, go downstairs and fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Very good, sir" said the butler and made for the bathroom door.
By now the billionaire was struggling to hold it in, but finally Jeeves closed the door behind him. A substantial and very satisfying eruption ensued.
A few minutes later, Jeeves returned, holding a cup of coffee. Tucked under his arm was a hot water bottle.
"What's that for? I only asked for a cup of coffee."
"But sir, as I closed the door, I distinctly heard you say 'waddaboudawaddaboddle'".

I had an embarrassing sexual problem with my wife last week - I came too early

And found her in bed with someone else

What did the embarrassed oyster say?

Aw shucks

Just had a very embarrassing misunderstanding with my new Irish girlfriend.

Turns out she just wanted me to take her in the Yaris.

I used to be embarrassed about my cowlick

But now I kiss like a normal person.

How do you embarrass Eva Braun at a dinner party?

Panzer...

Embarrassing questions!

My daughter asks the most embarrassing questions about sex to me.

Just last night, she said, "Is that the best you got?"

The embarrassed sexually active middle aged woman

A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and
that the first rose was from him.

"I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" the woman asked.
"That's from a man in the burns unit -

he wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

I'm so embarrassed, I got caught getting a blow job by my mum last week..

The worst thing is it was my dad who caught us

The embarrassment I felt after getting my cheeks tattooed with a newspaper article.

I was read in the face.

It was so embarrassing for me that my jokes always fall flat, that I finally asked a professional comedian for help.

The guy is a genius, I'm not embarrassed anymore.

How do you embarrass a paleontologist?

Dig up one of her old tampons and ask what period it's from

What's the most embarrassing level on Mario Kart?

Shy Guy Falls

Got really embarrassed when I 'John Cena'd' when I was with my girlfriend last night...

I came out of nowhere.

Old married couple are at the gynecologist's

and Sam is sitting in the waiting room while Sadie has her appointment with the doctor.

So the doctor says to her, "Now Mrs. Grunchik - I hope you realize that because of the symptoms you describe, I'm going to have to ask you some very personal questions ... will you mind?"

So Sadie says, "Ask away doctor - do you think anything can embarrass me at my age?"

So the doctor says, "OK thanks. First question I need to ask is whether you still have intercourse."

So Sadie thinks for a moment, realizes she honestly can't remember, and so she calls out to Sam in the waiting room: "Sam - do we still have intercourse?"

And Sam yells back, "No - I told you before we left the house, Sadie - just Blue Cross and Blue Shield!"

What are the funniest embarrass jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Embarrass? Well, here are the best Embarrass puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Embarrass pick up lines to share with friends.

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